Category: strength

Jun 20

Do You Like Life Easy or Hard?

 

It was the end of September 1960 and my family had recently moved from Mansfield, Ohio, to Riverside, California.  I had loved first-grade in Ohio, but apparently was “bored’ in second grade in the Golden State. My mother said I usually came home after school, didn’t want to talk about anything and then threw up. I would have suspected the cafeteria food or my tight perm, but Mrs. Cunningham, my parents and the principal got together and decided there was only one appropriate course of action.

After work that Friday, my dad sat on the edge of my bed with me. I don’t remember how the conversation started, but I definitely recall how it ended.

“So do you want to stay in second grade and have EASY work? Or go to third grade and have HARD work?”

With just-turned-seven-year-old exuberance, I replied: “I want to go to third grade and have HARD work, Daddy!”

On Monday morning, I took my crayons out of my desk and marched down the hall of Magnolia Elementary to Miss Milford’s class, where I happily found “hard” work and stopped puking.

Pretty sure that was the last time in my life I voluntarily chose hard instead of easy.

Remember those Staples’ “easy” buttons from about ten years ago? Personally, I would like the phrase “That was easy!” to be a guiding mantra of my day. And I can’t figure out why someone would manage to “hack’ the “easy” button and turn it into a recording device. Seriously! I watched the how-to video online https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6OEFxc3zTls and still don’t know why anyone would think this was fun to do. It doesn’t look easy to me. But to each his own, I guess.

As for me, I’m always on the lookout for ways to make life easier–for myself or people I care about.  I pray for quick healings, good test results, uncomplicated surgeries, untroubled marriages, effortless parenting and tranquil decisions.

But more often than not, it seems those prayers do not afford me a chance to respond with an “easy” button. Not only does life often not get any easier, sometimes it gets a whole lot harder–with no relief or explanation in sight.

I know many of you know exactly what I mean because  I’ve sat with you while you heard bad news. I’ve prayed with you when your world turned upside down. And I’ve cried with you when the worst actually happened.

You and I both know that life has not been easy for you and your family.

The word “easy” only appears in the Bible nine times–at least in the New Living Translation. Proverbs has a verse abut lizards being easy to catch and the OldTestament prophet Ezekiel warns that scattered sheep make an easy target for predators.

But my favorite “easy” verse is found in Matthew 11:

“Then Jesus said, ‘Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart,
and you will find rest for your souls.
 For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.‘”

Forget about the “easy” button and struggling to make life easy-peasy.

Let the Lord direct you each day and believe that His will won’t lead you where His grace won’t keep you. Walking with Him is a much easier way because He will see you “Through It All.”

Here’s an old favorite of mine from Cece Winans and Andrae Crouch (whom I once interviewed when he played at Houghton College). I don’t usually choose live performances, but this a powerful duet and there are Spanish subtitles so my Hispanic friends can sing a long too! If it doesn’t automatically load, please click https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWcxfOlCI3M

 

 

Jun 13

I’m Not Hanging on Any Longer

Last week I wrote about the struggle I was having to hang in there through a difficult season of stress–some of it bad, some of it good, but stress nonetheless. This week my husband and I are anticipating his knee “re-replacement” on June 18 (if it doesn’t get postponed again!) And as I write, we STILL don’t know the type/pervasiveness of the infection, the kind of surgery, or the extent of the rehab.  All we know is that a “picc” line and six weeks of IV antibiotics is guaranteed. It’s been a frustrating week and I need to be honest and tell you that I am no longer hanging on.

Instead…I’ve decided to let go.

I’m letting go of the need to appear to hold it all together. Letting go of the wish to be strong for everyone else. Letting go of the desire to be in control.

I’m letting go…so I can just be held.

I want to be held with my eyes on the Cross of Christ and not on the storm. Held in the promise of God’s never-ending love for me. Held in the secure belief that He is holding my falling-apart world together.

Yes, I’ve decided to stop holding on and just be held.

Perhaps you’d like to join me in letting go of the pain, the hurt, the disappointment, the confusion, the worry or the fear you face.  Please listen to the music video “Just Be Held” by Casting Crowns. The lyrics by John Mark Hall, Matthew West and Bernie Herms inspired this blog and express this truth more beautifully than I ever could.

May 16

“You never really understand a person until you…climb into his skin and walk around in it.”

 

This To Kill a Mockingbird snippet of advice comes from Harper Lee’s fictional character Atticus Finch, a white attorney defending a black man falsely accused of rape in a racist 1930s southern community. Finch is adamant that his own children learn to treat everyone with compassion, regardless of their outward differences and admonishes them to try to see life from another’s perspective.  Image result for atticus finch free photos

Families and friends facing serious illness have differences that are much more than skin deep—very diverse personalities and coping styles, which often are misunderstood or unappreciated.

From my observations ministering to cancer patients and their families for more than 25 years, I can tell you that folks normally cope with cancer the same way they coped with life before cancer. The talkers keep chatting and the quiet ones stay mum. The feelers continue to emote and the thinkers keep on rationalizing. The people-oriented surround themselves with folks to spur them on and the task-oriented gather facts to try and problem-solve.

And guess what? That’s okay…because we need each other.

We need an arsenal of abilities and strengths to fight cancer or any other trial and each person in your inner circle of loved ones brings something different to the table. You will be far better equipped if you can appreciate your differences instead of allowing them to annoy or even divide you.

 

My husband of nearly 45 years and I are pretty much exact opposites in personality. I’m a task-oriented
extrovert and my mate is a people-oriented introvert. He’s easy-going and I have to plan to be spontaneous. If you are familiar with the Myers-Briggs type indicator, I’m an ESTJ and he’s an INFP. Even if you’re not familiar with the traits those 10 letters stand for, you can clearly see none of them matches up![1]

 

If you have ever taken the Gary Smalley Personality Types Inventory, I’m a lion-beaver and he’s a golden retriever-otter. A lion’s rallying cry is “Let’s get it done!” while an otter delightfully squeals “Don’t worry, it will all work out!” [2]  Image result for lion beaver otter golden retriever

And what I’ve learned from all this alphabet soup and animal labels is that sometimes my hubby needs to tighten up and sometimes I need to lighten up. And I’ve especially learned that at times I need someone like him who is very different than I am to help me hear from God.

Our Creator designed us to need each other and to be able to offer one another our talents, our gifts, our insights, and our special brand of encouragement. Please don’t let those differences become a wedge in your relationships. One of the primary ways Satan has to discourage families and friends facing serious illness is to get us at odds with one another. Don’t let that deceiver win.

Whether you are the patient or the caregiver, go ahead and consider the world from someone else’s point of view.  Take a deep breath, climb into his or her skin and walk around a little. You want and need people with personalities different from yours to help you find peace in the face of illness.

Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all!…Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. Romans 12:16, 18 NLT

Don’t tear down another person with your words. Instead, keep the peace, and be considerate. Be truly humble toward everyone… Titus 3:2 The Voice Bible

Be joyful. Grow to maturity. Encourage each other. Live in harmony and peace. Then the God of love and peace will be with you. 2 Corinthians 13:11 NLT

Adapted from Peace in the Face of Cancer, copyright Lynn Eib 2017.

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[1]For more info about the Myers-Brigg Type Indicator personality inventory, go tohttp://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/

[2]To take the free animal personality test, go to http://www.smalley.cc/free-personality-test/

If the music video below doesn’t automatically load, click on https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jg1Rm0Ig5o&vl=fr

May 09

The Most Beautiful Sight on My Riverboat Cruise

 

My husband and I recently returned from a breathtaking cruise of the Rhine River from Amsterdam, Netherlands through Germany and France to Basel, Switzerland.  We basked in the beauty of more than 7 million tulips blooming at Keukenhof Gardens, marveled at the 13th-century Gothic architecture of the Cologne Cathedral, 

 spotted 30+ medieval castles along the spectacular 80-mile river gorge,

and delighted in the brush strokes of such artistic giants as Rembrandt, Vermeer and Van Gogh,

while intermittently feasting on French pastries and warm German “apfelstrudel”with vanilla sauce. (#happyhusbandesserts)

But during our three days in Amsterdam and our week down the Rhine River, the most beautiful sight–which literally brought tears to my eyes– was not a wonder of nature nor a human masterpiece. It was the memory of a person.

Corrie Ten Boom.

If you’re already familiar with the Dutch woman known mainly from The Hiding Place book and movie, I don’t really have to explain why it was such a thrill to stand on the same floors she walked more than 70 years ago.  Tears filled my eyes as I stared into the actual hiding place where Jews and members of the Dutch resistance were safely tucked away from the Nazis (left photo).  Let me share a little of that story from the website for the Ten Boom Museum shown below:

During the Second World War, the Ten Boom home (above the family jewelry business) became a refuge, a hiding place, for fugitives and those hunted by the Nazis. By protecting these people, Casper and his daughters, Betsie and Corrie, risked their lives. This non-violent resistance against the Nazi-oppressors was the Ten Boom’s way of living out their Christian faith. 

During 1943 and into 1944, there were usually 5-6 people illegally living in the Ten Boom home: some of whom were Jews and others members of the Dutch underground. Additional refugees would stay with the Ten Booms for a few hours or a few days until another ‘safe house’ could be located for them.

Through these activities, the Ten Boom Family and their many friends and co-workers of ‘the BeJe group’ saved the lives of an estimated 800 Jews and other refugees.

On February 28, 1944, the Ten Boom Family was betrayed and the Sicherheitsdienst (Security Service) of the Nazis raided their home. That day, more than 30 people were arrested, among whom were father Casper and Betsie and Corrie, his two daughters that were living at home. Corrie’s brother Willem, sister Nollie and nephew Peter were at the house that day and were also taken to prison.

Although the Sicherheitsdienst arrested many visitors, they could not find who they were really after. Safely hidden behind a false wall in Corrie’s bedroom (entrance was through a removable bottom shelf) were two Jewish men, two Jewish women and two members of the Dutch underground. Although the house remained under guard by the Sicherheitsdienst, members of a local police resistance group were able, by cunnings means, to liberate the refugees from the ‘hiding place’ 47 hours later. The four Jews were taken to new ‘safe house’, and three survived the war. One of the underground workers was killed during the war years, but the other survived.  (The photo shows how narrow the hiding place was and wall stencils illustrate how six people stood inside for two days.)

Ten days after his arrest, father Casper died in Scheveningen Prison. Betsie and Corrie also spent some time in that same prison. From there, they were transported to camp Vucht and then to the notorious Ravensbrück Concentration Camp in Germany.

Life at Ravensbrück was almost unbearable, but Betsie and Corrie spent their time sharing Jesus’ love with their fellow prisoners. Many women became Christians in that terrible place becauce of Betsie and Corrie’s witness to them. Betsie died at Ravensbrück (age 59) but Corrie miraculously survived.

Corrie ten BoomAfter her release from Ravensbrück Concentration Camp (age 53) Corrie travelled all around the world to tell everyone that “there no pit so deep that God’s love is not deeper still” and that “God will give us the love to be able to forgive our enemies.” In more than 30 years, Corrie visited over 60 countries to testify to God’s love an to encourage people with the message that “Jesus is Victor.” On April 15th, 1983, on her 91st birthday, this remarkable woman died in Orange, California.

I cannot wait to meet this amazing woman in Heaven one day. I pray her story encourages you to believe that God’s love can reach into your or your loved one’s deep pit and to trust Him to be your safe hiding place.

You are my hiding place and my shield. I wait for your word. Psalm 119:114

For you are my hiding place; you protect me from trouble. You surround me with songs of victory. Psalm 32:7

He has hidden me in the shadow of His hand. Isaiah 49:2

(To read more about the Corrie Ten Boom Museum, go to https://www.corrietenboom.com/en/home. Her author page on Amazon.com lists her many books.)

(If the music video below doesn’t automatically load, click on https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzqpkMJxyss)

 

 

May 02

“Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it”–Gibran

 

I love to play FreeCell Solitaire on my laptop. I tell myself that I play to keep my mind keen as I age and that all the strategizing sharpens my mental skills. But I think the real reason I’m continually drawn to this card game is because I can control it.  Image result

Every single game of FreeCell is winnable and if I find my strategy isn’t working or I don’t have any more legal moves, I simply hit CRTL-Z.  I “undo” my past turns and make other choices until once again I emerge a winner (current win streak is 779).

You know what CTRL stands for, right? CONTROL! Yep, that’s why I love the game. I’m in control and if the game gets out-of-control and I might lose, I simply take control a new way and make everything turn out the way I always wanted it to. It’s the perfect game for a perfectionist like me who loves to be in control and who hates to lose!

 Don’t you wish life had a CTRL-Z button? You could hit it and go back and change a behavior that put you or your loved one at-risk for your particular diagnosis. Or you could tap it and head to the doctor sooner for medical tests. Or you could strike those two keys and find a way to stop the very first cells from dividing so rapidly and becoming cancerous.  Or at the very least you could type that command and undo all the treatment side effects. Somehow, some way, you could control a situation until everything turned out just the way you wanted.

Mary, a member of my morning cancer support group, vividly recalls the out-of-control feeling brought on by her diagnosis of non-small cell lung cancer, just 19 months after she was widowed. Mary Lou Myers Frazer's Profile Photo, Image may contain: 5 people, people smiling

“My husband was gone; I retired Feb. 3 and got diagnosed Feb. 27,” she says. “It was the one-two punch. The shock just hit me and I was ready to die.”

Not only did Mary feel out-of-control, but the cancer looked out-of-control, as it already had spread to her liver and bones.

However, within a few months of starting chemo and radiation, scans showed the disease was responding. The liver spots disappeared, the bone lesions stabilized and the lung tumor shrunk by half. As I write this, she has been a survivor for more than six years.

“I could just squeal, I’m so happy,” she exclaims. “I’m so grateful to God every day.”

Despite her good quality of life, Mary still lives under the shadow of an incurable cancer as she wonders what the future holds for her.

“I have my moments when it’s hard,” she acknowledges. “But my peace comes from knowing God has a plan and He’s way smarter than I am. If I don’t understand it now, I will later.

“We all pray that we get our own way and we think we know what’s best, but He is the one who does,” Mary says. “I know that’s easy to say, but it’s not always so easy to do.

“I find myself asking God: ‘Could I just have a little control? I want your will, but could I have just a little of mine?’” she adds with a laugh.

I really appreciate Mary’s honesty and the fact she recognizes the humor in desiring God’s will, but on her own terms.

If like Mary and me, your anxiety comes not from just thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it, I have some good advice for us from Proverbs 3:5-6:

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes.”

Or as the Message Bible paraphrases it:

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
he’s the one who will keep you on track.
Don’t assume that you know it all.

Quit searching for life’s CRTL-Z button and stop pretending you can be in charge of it all.

Go ahead and give up the control-stick and declare with the psalmist “my future is in Your hands.” (Psalm 31:15)

But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace. Romans 8:6

Adapted from Peace in the Face of Cancer, copyright 2017 by Lynn Eib
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(If the music video below doesn’t automatically load, click on https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVMU-viTHIw )

I couldn’t decide which song to use, so here’s another one! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6Eiv1r5UnE )