Category: anger

Jul 15

The Love of God (and a Dog)

Life has been a struggle for my friend Trish since she was a little girl.

Shortly before her 6th birthday, she was diagnosed with Type 1 (juvenile) diabetes, drastically altering her childhood–especially as her parents didn’t cope well with the news.

So Trish learned to give herself daily insulin shots and always hide her tears because her mom’s family warned: ‘Don’t upset your mother!’

“My parents lost a daughter not long before I was born, and when I got diagnosed, they didn’t know how to handle it,” Trish explains.

Unfortunately, these early physical and emotional traumas were just the beginning. A cascade of struggles followed, beginning with a massive heart attack in her early 30s.

Rock bottom came soon after when her husband of 14 years left her and their young son.

“I felt like the earth was pulled out from underneath me,” she recalls. “I still loved him and I thought he loved me.”

A few years later as Trish tried to cope with cardiac issues and diabetes’ toll, she applied for a service dog, confident it was the Lord’s plan for her to have one–after all, she loved dogs and training them had once been a favorite job and pastime.

But the waiting lists were long and she never got a call.

Instead the ensuing years brought a litany of maladies, including a handful of mini-strokes; water on the brain requiring a shunt; damage to both retinas; neuropathy in her hands and feet; and small, benign brain tumors.

For three years, she and her son were in a homeless assistance program. Clinically depressed and with little resources, Trish started “self-injuring” as a coping mechanism for the pain and anger she felt.

Eventually, when she joined a Divorce Care group at an area church, the leader referred her to a clinical psychologist. As Trish met regularly for counseling, she was able to stop the self-cutting and the two women even became good friends.

“I didn’t have any big conversion–it was a gradual thing over many years ,” she explains. “I finally started  believing the Bible verse (Romans 8:28) that God will work all things together for good and all along the way He would give me little words of blessing.”

About three years ago–as she faced growing mobility issues– the biggest blessing came.

“I was listening to the song ‘Even If’ and I brought the idea of a service dog to the Lord again,” Trish says. “I was able to surrender it to Him–realizing even if He didn’t fulfill that desire, it would be okay.”

The very next day–many long years after she first applied–came the good news: A service animal was available. But the bad news arrived too: She needed $6,000.

Unable to work for several years, Trish had no way to get that kind of money.

So, as she explains,”God recruited a whole community” (including her psychologist) to donate on her behalf.

“I had no idea how many generous friends I have!”

A beautiful black lab named Adler came home with her in December 2023.

His service tasks include fetching a carton of juice from the fridge for Trish’s low blood sugar, bringing her sneakers and opening the front door so she can go outside in her motorized wheelchair. And if she needs something picked up off the floor, he’s especially helpful because bending over can easily cause her to fall.

Inside he loves to snuggle on her lap and outside he never leaves her side.

Nearing 60, Trish still faces a mountain of daily health issues, but emotionally and spiritually she has experienced an abundance of healing.

And the best part?

“The Lord showed His Agape (unconditional love) for me through Adler–that’s what my dog represents to me: God’s Agape.”
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Please open in your browser to hear Mercy Me sing”Even If,” the 2018 K-Love Fan Song of the Year, which also earned multiple GMA Dove Award nominations.

 

Jul 01

Celebrating as Much Life A.C. as B.C.

There’s quite a big anniversary being celebrated this week.

No, I’m not thinking of the  exciting 250th anniversary of our nation’s birth on Independence Day, July 4.

For me personally, an even more momentous anniversary occurs two days earlier. July 2 is the 36th anniversary of my surgery to remove Stage 3 colon cancer, diagnosed when I was 36 years old.

That’s right, I will have lived as long A.C. (After Cancer) as I did B.C. (Before Cancer).

Wow…so many emotions and memories swirling in my 72-year-old brain.

Without cancer I wouldn’t have developed a deep friendship with my oncologist, Dr. Marc Hirsh and his wife Elizabeth (pictured at this year’s Pink Out fundraiser for cancer patients).

Without cancer I wouldn’t have been an oncology patient advocate offering free emotional and spiritual support to thousands of patients and their caregivers for almost two decades.

Without cancer I wouldn’t have become a bestselling author of multiple books published by Tyndale House.

Without cancer I wouldn’t have met many of you.

And without cancer, I might not have learned how very wrong I was about God.

Back in 1990 from my hospital bed, the future looked bleak.

My chance of survival was maybe 40-percent. Odds were that my wonderful husband, whose first wife died from ALS, would bury another spouse. Chances were my sweet daughters would grow up without a Mommy.

Feeling afraid and overwhelmed, I fumed to God: “You are making a really big mistake here. And there’s nothing You can ever do to make up for this because it is too awful.”

But I was the one who was making a really big mistake. Even though I had been a Christ-follower since 1972…I was limiting God’s power to my meager human understanding.

My hope was just to see my daughters, then ages 8, 10 and 12, grow up. Instead I have had the precious privilege not only of seeing them mature into beautiful adults, but of getting to know and love seven amazing grandchildren, ages 8-15.

Thirty-six years ago I simply wanted to get well quickly. Instead God allowed me to suffer through my treatment (constantly nauseous and allergic to the primary chemo drug) so that I might be equipped to minister to suffering people–hundreds of thousands, according to my book sales.

My desire was to put my cancer ordeal behind me and return to a normal, happy life. Instead this disease has been a main focus of my life for more than three decades as God continues to show me that He “is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us.”  (Ephesians 3:20)

I am so humbled to see how the Lord has used me in spite of me and how He has used my cancer story for His glory. I don’t know why He allowed me to “beat the odds,” but of this, I am certain:

“The voices of a million angels could not express my gratitude.
All that I am and ever hope to be, I owe it all to Thee.” (Andrae Crouch ©1971)

As you celebrate America’s 250th anniversary, I hope you will join me in praising God for my 36th  “cancerversary.”
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Please open in your browser to hear (and perhaps sing along to) “My Tribute (To God be the Glory)” with Natalie Grant and CeCe Winans.

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Apr 08

Have you been bamboozled?

A few weeks ago I taught a Sunday School lesson for second- through sixth-graders which left most of the class gagging, spitting into napkins and begging for water.

My granddaughter tasting “wet dog!”

It was one of my all-time favorite lessons.

Lest you think I’ve totally lost my mind, here’s what happened.

I explained to the dozen kids gathered that I wanted to play a game which I was calling “Good Decision/Bad Decision.” Participation was entirely voluntary.

I think all of them were familiar with Bean Boozled jelly beans, but for any of you “uninformed,” there are two “flavors” for each color of jelly bean. You have to decide which one you will eat. A tan bean with brown spots could either be toasted marshmallow or stinkbug. A red and white one: pomegranate or old bandage. And an orange bean: peach or barf! 

I didn’t want any kids to actually “barf,” so I had napkins to spit out yucky beans, small cups with water to rinse out mouths, and delicious gumdrops to remove any lingering aftertaste.

I was surprised that every single student wanted to play and most wanted multiple turns! A few “good” decisions were made, but there were definitely plenty of “bad” too. (I ran out of napkins and most of my gumdrops. Here’s a 12-second video of some of the action https://youtu.be/P5mYYOFupgo )

Afterwards we talked about how to make good decisions and avoid bad ones, while recognizing that Bean Boozled candy didn’t actually give you any way to consistently make a good choice.

That lesson got me thinking about negative, life-altering events about which we don’t get a choice. Like when I was smacked by a colon cancer diagnosis in 1990 at age 36 when I was pretty much a health nut. I was perplexed and confounded this could happen to me and felt as if I had been fooled and cheated into thinking that living a healthy lifestyle would protect me. (By the way, all those italicized words are definitions of bamboozled!)

I got handed a stinkbug jelly bean instead of the toasted marshmallow one I expected.

How about you? Anything turning out in your life not the way you planned?  Perhaps something unfair or even unimaginable? Maybe a health diagnosis for you or a loved one which resembles “stinky socks” much more than “tutti-frutti?”

So much of the discouragement I’m feeling about this world right now stems from people’s decisions which adversely affect me and especially others I care about–leaving a “bad” taste in my mouth. So what can I do? Spit in a napkin? Drink water? Eat a gumdrop?

I wish it were that easy.

Instead, I remind myself that when life feels out-of-control, there is one thing I always can control: me.

“The longer I live, the more convinced I am that life is 10 percent what happens to us and 90 percent how we respond to it,” writes pastor-author Chuck Swindoll. “I believe the single most significant decision I can make on a day-to-day basis is my choice of attitude.”

So these are the verses I’m trusting the Holy Spirit to use for my “attitude adjustment:”

Listen, open your ears, harness your desire to speak,
and don’t get worked up into a rage so easily, my brothers and sisters. James 1:19 The Voice Bible

Since God chose you to be the holy people He loves,
you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy,
kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Colossians 3:12

I agree with Pastor Swindoll that “When my attitudes are right, there’s no barrier too high, no valley too deep, no dream too extreme, no challenge too great for me.”

And I remind myself that as Mack Brock sings: “My God is still in control…You have not left me alone, though the world has let me down.”
(Open in your browser to hear.)

 

Mar 11

When “Normal” is No More

June 2020, first grandbaby

May 29, 2024, started out as a normal day for my dear friend Karen. She was ready to leave for her secretarial job at her normal time of 6:30 AM. She kissed her husband Tim goodbye as she normally did. He was in the kitchen making his normal cup of coffee.

No one knew it would be the last “normal” day of Tim’s life…or of Karen’s.

Apparently shortly after she left, Tim walked into the adjacent living room and collapsed with a massive stroke–his coffee still untouched.

And so began months of doctors, procedures, hospital stays, rehab…and prayers. First, that Tim would survive, and then that despite his left side paralysis, he could regain some physical abilities.

Tim worked tirelessly at long, intensive rehab sessions. It was really tough, but he made slow, encouraging gains.

Meanwhile, Karen started spiraling down.

“There are a mountain of things that are now my responsibility,” Karen texted me in June 2024.

I knew from our four decades of friendship that Tim, a Navy veteran and retired tool and die maker, took care of most of the household responsibilities–financial affairs, yard work, cooking, cleaning, car maintenance.

There was no time for Karen to grieve what the couple had lost. Being Tim’s caregiver was like another full-time job, as she tried to figure out what he could and couldn’t do, what he needed from her, and how to get help for both of them.

“I’m mostly imprisoned in my own house because Tim cannot be left alone and we can’t travel easily with a wheelchair,” she explained in an August 2024 text.

The normally witty, fun Karen slid into a very deep depression.

“I have failed my husband and my Lord so badly,” she told me. “I’ve been so broken, so angry and so resentful. Tim is still as sweet as ever…I am not.”

Karen saw a psychiatrist and started on an antidepressant, but there was no quick fix.

Almost two years later, not much has changed about the couple’s circumstances, but finally she can see some light–thanks to medicine, counseling and prayer…especially the prayers of others.

“Had I not been surrounded by good Christian friends and family praying for me every day, I am convinced I would still be in the darkness of depression and anger because I simply could not pray,” she explained.

Early on after the stroke, Karen said that she believed “one day I will be able to tell a triumphant story of Tim’s recovery.”

March 2026

I agree that Tim’s survival and recovery has been a miraculous one–especially as he has maintained much of his memory and all of his lovable personality.

But I wanted to write about Karen today because I believe she has a triumphant story of continuing recovery from the depths of despair.

I know she sees “failure” and “shame” in her life, but I see raw honesty, which always pleases God.

 “I’m clawing my way back one prayer, one verse at a time,” she confided.

If you or someone you love has ever struggled with depression, you understand how dark it can get. Maybe you or your loved one has a chronic illness/condition and realize life never will be “normal” again. Perhaps, like Karen, you are a worn out caregiver.

I hope you will join Karen in “clawing” your way back. Crying out for God’s strength and clinging to His loving promises…even from the depths. That, my friend, is how triumphing over darkness begins.

Deeper and deeper I sink into the mire; I can’t find a foothold.
I am in deep water and the floods overwhelm me…
Answer my prayers, O LORD, for Your unfailing love is wonderful. Psalm 69:2, 16

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 Please open in your browser to hear the song which Karen listened to in her darkest moments:
Desperate by Jamie MacDonald (with Lauren Daigle) © 2024 Capitol CMG, Inc.

Feb 25

Anyone need a “One-Minute Pause?”

I know those of you reading this blog have many burdens on your hearts. Some for friends and family. Some for crises you’ve heard or read about. And others for situations which haven’t even happened, but you fear they will.

Me, too.

And sometimes it feels overwhelming.

That’s why I’m so thankful I came across bestselling author and counselor John Eldredge’s “everyday practices for a world gone mad.”

“You’ve got to release the world…people, crises, trauma, intrigue, all of it,” Eldredge advises. “There has to be sometime in your day where you just let it all go. All the tragedy of the world, the heartbreak, the latest shooting, earthquake–the soul was never meant to endure this…It’s way too much. Your soul is finite. You cannot carry the sorrows of the world. Only God can do that. Only He is infinite.”

When I first read those words, I felt such relief. All of the day’s sad/disturbing/painful stories were too much for my soul to bear.  And that was ok because it’s not my job to bear them.

“Somewhere, sometime in your day, you’ve just got to release it,” Eldredge adds. “You’ve got to let it go.”

We do that, he says, by stopping throughout the day for a “One-Minute Pause” as we pray:

“I give everyone and everything to You, God.”

I love how The Message Bible paraphrases the call of Jesus to lay down our burdens:

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life.
I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it.
Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.
Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.
Matthew 11:28-30

Eldredge describes the One-Minute Pause as an invitation to “benevolent detachment,” which is the ability to let things go–“not so much physically, but emotionally, soulfully.”

It’s not a call to stop caring, but to surrender all those cares to the One who ultimately is in control.

This releasing of our heartfelt concerns to God helps clear out our “cluttered soul,” Eldredge explains.

It’s a “turning over into the hands of God whatever is burdening us and leaving it there,” he adds.

We empty our souls of the burdens we never were meant to carry and the Lord fills our souls with what we always really needed: Himself.

Go ahead and breathe deeply. Then take a One-Minute Pause to pray:

I give everyone and everything to You, Lord.

Then pray it again every time you find yourself trying to carry the burdens your soul never was meant to bear.

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Please open in your browser to hear  “Come to Me (The Rest Song)” by Steven and Hannah Musso. (Click on CC at the bottom for Closed Caption lyrics.)

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