Category: Chronic illness

Jul 29

Slowing Down a Little or A Lot?

I’m definitely slowing down now that I’m in my eighth decade…no, that does not mean I’m in my 80s, but I will be turning 73 in a couple of months.

I’ve never been a fan of slow.

I walk fast (although I do stop to smell the roses, and lilacs, and peonies). I talk fast (but not as quickly as my oldest daughter, whose high school students remind her to please slow down). I think fast, which is good…and also gets me into trouble when I respond too quickly.

As a child, I recall my dad watching me tear holes in a piece of bread as I rapidly buttered it. “Faster, Lynn, faster!” he jokingly chided.

Speed usually is good if you’re a competitive person like I am. In grade school I won lots of races and in high school, being a quick thinker and a fast talker was essential on the debate team. And time was crucial in my career as a newspaper reporter on deadline.

Thankfully, God has delivered me being so competitive–at least about myself. I’m OK if I don’t win, but now I’m one of those crazy sports fans (short for fanatics) cheering for my Buckeyes and Philly teams…(welcome King James!).

The speed issue with which I still struggle is a much deeper one and a devotional I read this week was spot on.

“We answer messages. We finish tasks. We take care of others. We keep things going because things need to get done. And then one day, we realize the body is tired, but our soul may be even more tired…Slowing down is not wasting time. Sometimes it is returning to what matters most.”
—French pastor Éric Célérier

I believe my soul is even more tired than my weary body.

That’s the bad news.

But there’s good news too.

Jesus cares about my tiredness and yours–some of it self-imposed by our own choices and some of it thrust upon us by others or outside forces.

Pastor Célérier https://about.me/eric.celerier writes that Jesus invites us to slow down as described in Mark 6:31:

Come with Me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.

“The rest Jesus gives is not only a break in your schedule. It is a deeper rest, the rest of the heart coming back close to Him,” Célérier adds.

For the last few years, every August I take a break from blogging and ministry correspondence for what I’ve called “a mini sabbatical.” So I won’t be posting again until September as I embrace the title of Célérier’s devotional: “This Summer, Let Your Soul Breathe.”

I’m not sure exactly what that looks like for me, but I’m looking forward to a deeper rest for my soul. Perhaps you want this as well. I know many of you have issues and responsibilities which weigh you down and can’t simply be ignored, but as Célérier explains, “Today, I encourage you to receive this invitation: Come away with Jesus. Even for a few minutes. Even if everything is not fixed. Even if your heart still feels crowded.”

And perhaps you’d like to pray this prayer:

“Lord Jesus, You see my weariness.
Helps me slow down without guilt.
Teach me to find rest close to You.”*

*From the YouVersion Bible App, the most downloaded and viewed Bible app in the world https://www.youversion.com/ ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Open in your browser to hear the incredibly peaceful 4-minute song, Slow Down, by Chuck Girard ©1975 Good News Records and Dunamis Music (ASCAP). I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Chuck in 1977 when he sang at Houghton (NY) College. A very humble guy.

Jul 15

The Love of God (and a Dog)

Life has been a struggle for my friend Trish since she was a little girl.

Shortly before her 6th birthday, she was diagnosed with Type 1 (juvenile) diabetes, drastically altering her childhood–especially as her parents didn’t cope well with the news.

So Trish learned to give herself daily insulin shots and always hide her tears because her mom’s family warned: ‘Don’t upset your mother!’

“My parents lost a daughter not long before I was born, and when I got diagnosed, they didn’t know how to handle it,” Trish explains.

Unfortunately, these early physical and emotional traumas were just the beginning. A cascade of struggles followed, beginning with a massive heart attack in her early 30s.

Rock bottom came soon after when her husband of 14 years left her and their young son.

“I felt like the earth was pulled out from underneath me,” she recalls. “I still loved him and I thought he loved me.”

A few years later as Trish tried to cope with cardiac issues and diabetes’ toll, she applied for a service dog, confident it was the Lord’s plan for her to have one–after all, she loved dogs and training them had once been a favorite job and pastime.

But the waiting lists were long and she never got a call.

Instead the ensuing years brought a litany of maladies, including a handful of mini-strokes; water on the brain requiring a shunt; damage to both retinas; neuropathy in her hands and feet; and small, benign brain tumors.

For three years, she and her son were in a homeless assistance program. Clinically depressed and with little resources, Trish started “self-injuring” as a coping mechanism for the pain and anger she felt.

Eventually, when she joined a Divorce Care group at an area church, the leader referred her to a clinical psychologist. As Trish met regularly for counseling, she was able to stop the self-cutting and the two women even became good friends.

“I didn’t have any big conversion–it was a gradual thing over many years ,” she explains. “I finally started  believing the Bible verse (Romans 8:28) that God will work all things together for good and all along the way He would give me little words of blessing.”

About three years ago–as she faced growing mobility issues– the biggest blessing came.

“I was listening to the song ‘Even If’ and I brought the idea of a service dog to the Lord again,” Trish says. “I was able to surrender it to Him–realizing even if He didn’t fulfill that desire, it would be okay.”

The very next day–many long years after she first applied–came the good news: A service animal was available. But the bad news arrived too: She needed $6,000.

Unable to work for several years, Trish had no way to get that kind of money.

So, as she explains,”God recruited a whole community” (including her psychologist) to donate on her behalf.

“I had no idea how many generous friends I have!”

A beautiful black lab named Adler came home with her in December 2023.

His service tasks include fetching a carton of juice from the fridge for Trish’s low blood sugar, bringing her sneakers and opening the front door so she can go outside in her motorized wheelchair. And if she needs something picked up off the floor, he’s especially helpful because bending over can easily cause her to fall.

Inside he loves to snuggle on her lap and outside he never leaves her side.

Nearing 60, Trish still faces a mountain of daily health issues, but emotionally and spiritually she has experienced an abundance of healing.

And the best part?

“The Lord showed His Agape (unconditional love) for me through Adler–that’s what my dog represents to me: God’s Agape.”
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Please open in your browser to hear Mercy Me sing”Even If,” the 2018 K-Love Fan Song of the Year, which also earned multiple GMA Dove Award nominations.

 

Mar 25

How My Cell Phone and My Husband Irritated Me

Sleepover “twinning” with the youngest grand

On and off for the past couple of years, my cell phone has been driving me crazy.

Just as I was falling asleep, I would hear a very loud noise, which sounded like some sort of a warning buzzer coming from my phone (in “Do Not Disturb” mode) lying on my bedside table.

Because I have a very strong “startle reflex”–inherited from my mother and grandmother, and unfortunately passed on to two of my daughters–when that “alarm” went off, I sat right up in bed, wide awake. I couldn’t believe my husband slept right through it! I immediately checked the phone, but found no emergency alerts activated. Twice I asked my girls to investigate why my phone was doing this, but they couldn’t find any cause either.

Fortunately, this only happened every few months, but recently it occurred two nights in a row. Now I was really irritated–both with my phone and with my husband for sleeping through such an earth-shattering sound! The next night I moved my phone across the room and covered it up, so I couldn’t possibly hear it.

But, you guessed it…it happened again. The strange part was the loud buzzer still sounded as if it were right next to me.

So the following day I googled “loud noise waking me up at night.” I skipped over the AI blurb and looked at the article from the very reputable Cleveland Clinic entitled “Exploding Head Syndrome (EHS).”

Say what???

It sounded like a joke, but I quickly read through the overview: “Often described as hearing sounds like explosions, gunshots, thunder or other loud noises. The sound isn’t real and nobody else can hear it.” (I immediately apologized to both my phone for not actually making any sound and to my husband for not actually being able to hear it! And I also was so glad I hadn’t “heard” an explosion or gunshot!)

The cause of this sleep disorder is unknown, although one possibility is the brain having an abnormal sleep transition–which seems to be my case as it occurs just after I’ve fallen asleep or just before I’m ready to wake up.

(I’m reluctantly adding Exploding Head Syndrome to my growing list of weird, chronic conditions, including post-herpetic neuralgia, psoas syndrome, hyper-accoustic ear, and plantar plate tear.)

 

So what’s interrupting your “dreams” these days? A health crisis? Marriage struggles? Job insecurity? Financial woes?

And what’s keeping you awake at night? War worries? Stock market anxiety? Wayward children? Aging parents? Unrelenting grief?

As for me, I’m trying to see life’s trials–including my “exploding head”–as an opportunity to really keep focused on the Lord. I know that when we’re weary, God can get our attention in a way that doesn’t always happen when life’s happy and smooth. (But it’s definitely not my preferred method!)

I keep reminding myself of the words to a song by Tim Timmons, a 25-year survivor of a rare, incurable cancer:

In the morning, You have my attention
In the evening, You have my attention
Every season, the laughing, the breaking
The dancing, the waiting
You have my attention

I don’t like the weariness I feel in my life and in this world, but I am listening for God’s “still, small voice.”

Weary friends, feel free to leave a comment so I can pray for you, too.

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Open in your browser to be encouraged by “No Other Gods” from Tim Timmons.
© 2020 Integrity’s Alleluia! Music/10000 Minutes Prayers/SESAC (adm worldwide at CapitolCMGPublishing.com, excluding the UK & Europe which is adm by Integrity Music),Jingram Tunes (SESAC) / So Essential Tunes (SESAC) (admin. by www.EssentialMusicPublishing.com), When I Run Music (BMI) (Admin. by CopyrightSolver), Grunt Galaxy Music (ASCAP) CCLI# 7163054

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mar 11

When “Normal” is No More

June 2020, first grandbaby

May 29, 2024, started out as a normal day for my dear friend Karen. She was ready to leave for her secretarial job at her normal time of 6:30 AM. She kissed her husband Tim goodbye as she normally did. He was in the kitchen making his normal cup of coffee.

No one knew it would be the last “normal” day of Tim’s life…or of Karen’s.

Apparently shortly after she left, Tim walked into the adjacent living room and collapsed with a massive stroke–his coffee still untouched.

And so began months of doctors, procedures, hospital stays, rehab…and prayers. First, that Tim would survive, and then that despite his left side paralysis, he could regain some physical abilities.

Tim worked tirelessly at long, intensive rehab sessions. It was really tough, but he made slow, encouraging gains.

Meanwhile, Karen started spiraling down.

“There are a mountain of things that are now my responsibility,” Karen texted me in June 2024.

I knew from our four decades of friendship that Tim, a Navy veteran and retired tool and die maker, took care of most of the household responsibilities–financial affairs, yard work, cooking, cleaning, car maintenance.

There was no time for Karen to grieve what the couple had lost. Being Tim’s caregiver was like another full-time job, as she tried to figure out what he could and couldn’t do, what he needed from her, and how to get help for both of them.

“I’m mostly imprisoned in my own house because Tim cannot be left alone and we can’t travel easily with a wheelchair,” she explained in an August 2024 text.

The normally witty, fun Karen slid into a very deep depression.

“I have failed my husband and my Lord so badly,” she told me. “I’ve been so broken, so angry and so resentful. Tim is still as sweet as ever…I am not.”

Karen saw a psychiatrist and started on an antidepressant, but there was no quick fix.

Almost two years later, not much has changed about the couple’s circumstances, but finally she can see some light–thanks to medicine, counseling and prayer…especially the prayers of others.

“Had I not been surrounded by good Christian friends and family praying for me every day, I am convinced I would still be in the darkness of depression and anger because I simply could not pray,” she explained.

Early on after the stroke, Karen said that she believed “one day I will be able to tell a triumphant story of Tim’s recovery.”

March 2026

I agree that Tim’s survival and recovery has been a miraculous one–especially as he has maintained much of his memory and all of his lovable personality.

But I wanted to write about Karen today because I believe she has a triumphant story of continuing recovery from the depths of despair.

I know she sees “failure” and “shame” in her life, but I see raw honesty, which always pleases God.

 “I’m clawing my way back one prayer, one verse at a time,” she confided.

If you or someone you love has ever struggled with depression, you understand how dark it can get. Maybe you or your loved one has a chronic illness/condition and realize life never will be “normal” again. Perhaps, like Karen, you are a worn out caregiver.

I hope you will join Karen in “clawing” your way back. Crying out for God’s strength and clinging to His loving promises…even from the depths. That, my friend, is how triumphing over darkness begins.

Deeper and deeper I sink into the mire; I can’t find a foothold.
I am in deep water and the floods overwhelm me…
Answer my prayers, O LORD, for Your unfailing love is wonderful. Psalm 69:2, 16

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 Please open in your browser to hear the song which Karen listened to in her darkest moments:
Desperate by Jamie MacDonald (with Lauren Daigle) © 2024 Capitol CMG, Inc.

Feb 25

The Day Tim Timmons Left Me Speechless

L. to R. Tim, Bob, me, Taylor Hughes

In the summer of 2023, I had the incredible privilege of meeting and sharing the stage with a musician-cancer survivor of whom I had never heard: Tim Timmons. We both were speakers for a three-day cancer survivors’ retreat held at NYT bestselling author Bob Goff’s southern California conference center.

Personally, as a longtime colon cancer survivor, Tim had my full attention when he spoke about how “Poop Happens!” When he sang his debut number, Cast My Cares, I knew I had found a new musical prayer. And when he shared that he was a 20+-year survivor of a rare, incurable cancer, diagnosed at age 25 and now the father of four, my heart felt a special connection.

But it was when he told a true story that I absolutely fell apart.

Tim shared how he’d written and recorded a song he thought was “really good,” but his record label did not agree. Eventually, he and his best friend, Bart Millard (lead singer for MercyMe) rewrote and recorded it on the band’s label.

And then for the 35 of us cancer survivors in the room, Tim played and sang the song…Even If.

I stood to my feet, lifted my hands and sang my heart out. I had no idea Tim had the initial inspiration for my favorite song…the one with which I closed all my “Morning of Hope” seminars. The one that always leads me to bask in holy presence. And now God had allowed me to know the song’s story and meet its creator.

Scheduled to speak next, I went on stage, but was sobbing so hard I was speechless.

“I’m wrecked,” I whispered to Tim as he hugged me.

And why am I sharing this personal story today?

Because if you’re seeking a word to the weary for yourself or someone you love, I’m recommending you go meet Tim Timmons…at the movies!

Last week my husband and I saw the new release I Can Only Imagine 2, starring Milo Ventimiglia (This is Us, Gilmore Girls) as Tim. (It was my first time at the local Movie Tavern, where the plush seats fully recline and when you press a little button, a nice young man brings you food and drink. Who knew???)

Anyway, I went through two or three tissues and I could hear my husband sniffling next to me. Tears of sadness and joy. Goosebumps of God’s goodness. Infusions of faith.

We both were a whole lot less weary.

If you can’t get to the movie theater, Tim has other ways to encourage you, including his weekly podcast https://www.10000minutes.com/ which discusses practical ways to “realign our lives with the way and heart of Jesus.” (You also can sign up for uplifting text messages and view short videos to help feel God’s nearness. And find Tim’s music at https://www.timtimmonsmusic.com/ )

When Tim was diagnosed in 2001, doctors gave him five years to live. He turned 50 this month and next week is the release of his book, Waking Up Again: A Journey of Grief & Gratitude, co-authored with wife Hilary.

The authors say: “This is not a book about cancer. It is about how to embrace the gift of waking up each day, knowing the presence of Jesus in times of sorrow, and His faithfulness when the future feels fragile.”

Tim Timmons has been waking up on “borrowed” time for more than two decades. Every day he takes a black marker and makes an “X” on his right wrist, reminding himself that he’s been given the gift of another day.

I hope you’ll let his words/music/life “wreck” your weary heart with God’s love for you today.
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Open in your browser to hear Make it Well, the newest MercyMe song, co-written by  Bart Millard / Ethan Hulse / Tim Timmons https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLrF-ml7uks