Category: trust

Oct 14

Out of Control

My friends Jenni and Bill both admit they are planners who like to be in control. But a cancer diagnosis for her and a deployment to the Middle East for him has changed all that.

Their journey to “losing” control began in January 2025 when Jenni, a palliative care nurse practitioner, was diagnosed with kidney cancer. After more testing, the doctors told her there were multiple metastatic liver lesions…probably Stage 4.

Bill, an Air Force reserve major, who also works as a civilian for the Ohio Air National Guard, still tears up when he thinks about his wife’s diagnosis.

“The first week (after the diagnosis) the news just kept getting worse and worse,” he recalls. “That’s when I realized it was out of our hands, the control was out of our hands.”

Jenni felt so desperate that she posted on Facebook, pleading for prayer.

“We got messages from all over the world,” she remembers. “It’s humbling that people are taking your problems to the feet of Jesus.”

Despite their uncertain situation, the couple says they “never felt alone or unsupported” as their church family gathered for a “powerful prayer time” for Jenni.

After her kidney surgery, the couple had to wait 10 days for the final pathology on the liver lesions. When the report came back as benign, one of the physicians declared: “It’s a miracle the liver lesions were not cancer.”

“I truly believe prayers are what healed me,” Jenni adds.

But the physical healing wasn’t the only supernatural touch.

“I can’t even begin to explain the ways my faith was strengthened and refined through the suffering endured after my diagnosis,” she says. “I now describe my faith as ‘unshakable’ as that’s the only word that seems to come close to how I feel in my relationship with God.

“My cancer forced both of us to be in the (situation of) not-knowing and not-in-control.”

Their faith was tested again in April when Bill was deployed to the Middle East.

The couple has faced other deployments together, but Bill acknowledges: “This one was the hardest. With everything we had just gone through–my not being there with Jenni and with (12-year-old daughter) Olivia made this harder.”

It’s been especially difficult to shield Olivia from the war: “When things got hairy over there and Bill’s base was getting bombed, it’s hard to sugarcoat that,” Jenni says.

One of the ways the couple has found to keep their family close is a daily ritual before Olivia goes to bed. It’s 4 AM for Bill, but he gets up and calls his family. Together they read a devotion in Our Daily Bread and take turns praying for the family.

Jenni and my paths first crossed when one of her patients gave her a copy of 50 Days of Hope…3 months before her diagnosis. After the terrible news, Bill came to bed one evening with the book in hand and began reading it to his wife.

“We cried, but hearing other people’s stories gave us hope,” Jenni says. “I remember lying there and thinking ‘I need to get this book into the hands of every patient who walks into (my oncologist’s) office–it’s a light in the dark’.”

Bill and Jenni recently got more bad news when his deployment was extended–canceling his return home originally scheduled for this week. The couple is hopeful he will be back by January, but as he acknowledges: “I’m learning that I’m not in control, that I have to give it all to Him, and trust that whatever the outcome, it is His plan for us.”

Friends, please pray for Bill–and all those soldiers in harm’s way–to be reunited with their families.
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Open in your browser to hear the 4-minute song Control by Tenth Avenue North. © 2016 No Alibis Publishing (adm. by Fun Attic Music, LLC) (SESAC) / Fellow Ships Music (SESAC) / So Essential Tunes (SESAC) (adm. at essentialmusicpublishing.com) / Unsecret Songs (SESAC)

Sep 30

A Messy Diaper and Sore Finger Road

When our  oldest daughter was six months old, we took her on a three-week car trip out West with my parents. She was a model passenger…well, almost.

I had just finished nursing Danielle while riding in the backseat on a lonesome stretch of desert. I was burping her on my lap before putting her back in her carseat when she let loose with more than her disposable diaper could contain. (Did I mention I was wearing white slacks because we were going to eat at the Officers’ Club when we reached our destination?)

My dad stopped on the first side road he saw, so that I could change Danielle (diaper and outfit), as well as wipe off my no-longer-white slacks. And that’s when he noticed the street sign: Sore Finger Road.

It seemed like such a funny name out in the middle of the desert that we all just started laughing. From then on, every messy diaper was judged by whether or not it was “Sore Finger Road” worthy.

Poop happens.

At predictable times, at inconvenient times, sometimes too many times, occasionally not enough times…but it happens.

As a 36-year colorectal cancer survivor, I’m probably a little more obsessed with this topic than most people. But I got the idea to blog about it when I heard songwriter-musician Tim Timmons https://www.timtimmonsmusic.com give his “Poop Happens” talk when we both spoke at a Bob Goff cancer survivor retreat in 2023.

Tim–now a 25-year survivor of stage 4, incurable cancer– described how manure actually is extremely beneficial.

It  softens compacted soil.
It improves crop yield.
It produces oxygen which helps soil breathe.
Adding manure to soil reduces runoff because it “holds together the good stuff and lets the bad stuff go,” as Tim explained.

If you’ve ever driven by farmland in the spring, you probably got a not-so-pleasant whiff of manure doing its job!

But poop doesn’t just happen literally. It happens figuratively too, doesn’t it?

Something occurs in our life–or the life of someone we care about–and it really stinks! As NY Times bestselling author Rick Warren puts it, “Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you’re just coming out of one, or you’re getting ready to go into another one.”

So true!  And if you’re like me, your first response is to want the “stink” gone…and fast!

Tim acknowledges that before cancer, he lived most of his life “trying to stop manure.”

“I was trying to keep my comfort…but now I ask: ‘What’s it revealing about the condition of my heart?'”

Since hearing Tim’s message, I’ve been trying to view the “manure” getting dumped on my life as a way God can soften my heart and help me hang on to the really important, good stuff.

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance.
 And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.
—Romans 5:3-4

Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.
For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.
–James 1:2-3

How about you, my friend…any “manure-dumping” going in your life? I pray you and I both can allow it to soften our hearts to the goodness of the Lord and in Him find our joy.
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Open in your browser to hear “This is the Day,” a very short, upbeat, encouraging song by Tim Timmons © 2021 Integrity Music . (It’s a perfect song to sing any day…even when “poop happens!”)

 

 

Sep 16

Seen any masterpieces lately?

Despite the fact my mother was a professional artist (and won many awards for her work), I still draw stick figures and will never take an art show prize.

My favorite (and funniest) memory of visiting an art museum with Mom and my girls happened in the summer of 1987 when Andrew Wyeth’s The Helga Pictures were exhibited at the National Gallery in Washington, D.C.

I knew the gallery wasn’t going to be that exciting for our girls, but was committed to keeping them occupied so Mom could enjoy these paintings–only recently revealed to the public, but already quite famous.

Danielle, 9, meandered in the small room, taking an interest in the paintings right away. Bethany, 7, perched on a bench covering her eyes so she couldn’t see any of the unclothed subjects. Meanwhile, the gallery security guard kept a very close watch on 5-year-old Lindsey as she marched right up to every painting which corresponded to a photo in the brochure I gave her and loudly announced: “Match!”

Lindsey really enjoyed herself and when she started kindergarten a couple of days later, insisted on taking the Helga brochure for Show-and-Tell. I was concerned that the teacher might think I put her up to this in an effort to impress, and suggested a favorite stuffed animal instead. But Lindsey was insistent.

Afterwards, she told us she showed her classmates the brochure, adding: “I just said ‘Andrew’ cuz  I didn’t want to say his last name.”

Wyeth’s exhibit is a sweet memory, but doesn’t compare to the thrill I’ve had in seeing some famous artistic masterpieces up close. Van Gogh’s Sunflowers at the Philadelphia Museum of Art. Vermeer’s The Milkmaid and Rembrandt’s Night Watch at Amsterdam’s Rijksmuseum. (And we had tickets to see DaVinci’s Mona Lisa at the Louvre before we had to cancel our 2023 Paris trip. )

Between my mom’s and my husband’s artistic talents, my home is filled with original art. My grandkids get art “lessons” from Grandpa and have shown some real talent.

I’m curious what masterpieces you have enjoyed seeing?

Did you know that you can see one every day as soon as you look in a mirror?

The Apostle Paul tells us in Ephesians 2:10 that “we are God’s masterpiece.”

The Amplified Bible says “we are His workmanship [His own master work, a work of art].” The New English Bible describes us as “His creative work” and The Voice Bible adds that “we are the product of His hand.”

I don’t know about you but when I see my reflection in a mirror, “masterpiece” is not the first thought that comes to mind, nor the second, nor the…

One of my hubby’s masterpieces!

But that’s how the Word of God describes me (and you!).

Musical artist and American Idol alum Danny Gokey (whose first wife died when he was only 28) wonderfully describes God’s masterpiece-making process even when our lives feel messy:

“Even though I’m hurtingI’ll let You keep workingYou’re making a masterpieceYou’re shaping the soul in meYou’re moving where I can’t seeAnd all I am is in Your hands”

Personally, I don’t feel like a masterpiece. I have many foibles and downright flaws. My faith is often weak and I easily can get discouraged.

But I do know the Bible is true no matter how I feel. So this non-artistic, almost 73-year-old must be a masterpiece…and so must you, my weary friend.

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Be sure to open in your browser to hear Danny Gokey’s song “Masterpiece” (less than 5 minutes). Masterpiece lyrics © G650 Music, Sony/atv Cross Keys Publishing, Thankful For This Music, Pure Note Music, Songs Of Universal Inc.

 

Jul 15

The Love of God (and a Dog)

Life has been a struggle for my friend Trish since she was a little girl.

Shortly before her 6th birthday, she was diagnosed with Type 1 (juvenile) diabetes, drastically altering her childhood–especially as her parents didn’t cope well with the news.

So Trish learned to give herself daily insulin shots and always hide her tears because her mom’s family warned: ‘Don’t upset your mother!’

“My parents lost a daughter not long before I was born, and when I got diagnosed, they didn’t know how to handle it,” Trish explains.

Unfortunately, these early physical and emotional traumas were just the beginning. A cascade of struggles followed, beginning with a massive heart attack in her early 30s.

Rock bottom came soon after when her husband of 14 years left her and their young son.

“I felt like the earth was pulled out from underneath me,” she recalls. “I still loved him and I thought he loved me.”

A few years later as Trish tried to cope with cardiac issues and diabetes’ toll, she applied for a service dog, confident it was the Lord’s plan for her to have one–after all, she loved dogs and training them had once been a favorite job and pastime.

But the waiting lists were long and she never got a call.

Instead the ensuing years brought a litany of maladies, including a handful of mini-strokes; water on the brain requiring a shunt; damage to both retinas; neuropathy in her hands and feet; and small, benign brain tumors.

For three years, she and her son were in a homeless assistance program. Clinically depressed and with little resources, Trish started “self-injuring” as a coping mechanism for the pain and anger she felt.

Eventually, when she joined a Divorce Care group at an area church, the leader referred her to a clinical psychologist. As Trish met regularly for counseling, she was able to stop the self-cutting and the two women even became good friends.

“I didn’t have any big conversion–it was a gradual thing over many years ,” she explains. “I finally started  believing the Bible verse (Romans 8:28) that God will work all things together for good and all along the way He would give me little words of blessing.”

About three years ago–as she faced growing mobility issues– the biggest blessing came.

“I was listening to the song ‘Even If’ and I brought the idea of a service dog to the Lord again,” Trish says. “I was able to surrender it to Him–realizing even if He didn’t fulfill that desire, it would be okay.”

The very next day–many long years after she first applied–came the good news: A service animal was available. But the bad news arrived too: She needed $6,000.

Unable to work for several years, Trish had no way to get that kind of money.

So, as she explains,”God recruited a whole community” (including her psychologist) to donate on her behalf.

“I had no idea how many generous friends I have!”

A beautiful black lab named Adler came home with her in December 2023.

His service tasks include fetching a carton of juice from the fridge for Trish’s low blood sugar, bringing her sneakers and opening the front door so she can go outside in her motorized wheelchair. And if she needs something picked up off the floor, he’s especially helpful because bending over can easily cause her to fall.

Inside he loves to snuggle on her lap and outside he never leaves her side.

Nearing 60, Trish still faces a mountain of daily health issues, but emotionally and spiritually she has experienced an abundance of healing.

And the best part?

“The Lord showed His Agape (unconditional love) for me through Adler–that’s what my dog represents to me: God’s Agape.”
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Please open in your browser to hear Mercy Me sing”Even If,” the 2018 K-Love Fan Song of the Year, which also earned multiple GMA Dove Award nominations.

 

Jun 17

Trying to Feel God’s Presence

Ever have days (weeks, months?) when you just can’t seem to feel God’s presence?

It’s not because you’re out robbing banks or tripping little old ladies. In fact, you’re not really doing anything “wrong,” and actually may be you’re doing the “right” things–praying, reading the Bible, worshipping with other believers. But the connection just isn’t there.

That was my dilemma recently. I kept going through the motions and even though I’m not a real touchy-feely person, what I really longed for was to feel God’s loving presence.

Reading more scripture didn’t change my mood, talking longer to God hadn’t helped my malaise, and singing louder didn’t do the trick.

I kept watching for something big to produce the close, connected feeling I missed.

And then out of nowhere, when I didn’t expect it…God answered.

I had switched my morning devotional book at least three times in recent weeks as I searched to find one that would “scratch the itch” in my soul. Finally, I went to my basement library and again looked through all my old devotionals. I pulled out a small hardback copy of ALL I NEED, which I had read probably a couple of decades ago.

I went back upstairs to my La-Z-Boy recliner and hot tea, book in hand. I turned to that day’s reading to see if it seemed like I might connect with its message.

It was entitled “HIS DAILY PRESENCE.” Nothing flashy, eye-opening or heart-stopping there, but it seemed relevant. I couldn’t remember when or how I had gotten this book so I turned to the front pages for a clue.

The simple inscription in beautiful penmanship, which I recognized right away was from my dear friend Carolyn Dunn, who passed away in November. I always called her my mentor, but had forgotten her words to me:

To Lynn, a sister mentor–Carolyn

The dam of unshed tears broke as I wept openly for my precious friend. I hadn’t said anything to anyone about how terribly I missed her and wished I could talk with her.

But God knew.  And His whispered message was loud and clear: I see your grief. I’ve heard your cries. I love you and gave this message today to remind you.

God-whisper. God-wink.  Godsend. People have all kinds of names for these divine “coincidences.”

Whatever the term, it reminds me of when the Jewish prophet Elijah was feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and ready to give up. He cried out to God and this is how the Almighty responded:

“And as Elijah stood there, the Lord passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper.
–1 Kings 19:11-12

As the song below says: “You whisper love when I feel lost, You whisper peace at any cost. No shout or sign, just quiet grace, Enough to hold me in this place. Your silence isn’t absence, Lord— It’s where Your deepest truths are stored. You speak in whispers, calm and true. And in the quiet… I hear You.”

Dear friend, if you are yearning to hear God’s voice: Keep on asking. Keep on seeking. Keep on knocking. He will answer…and it just might be a whisper.

P.S. As I was writing this blog, I realized it would post three days before what would have been Carolyn’s 82nd birthday. Another Godwink?
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Open in your browser to hear the short song “God Whispers” from Ambient Sounds.