Category: why?

Mar 25

How My Cell Phone and My Husband Irritated Me

Sleepover “twinning” with the youngest grand

On and off for the past couple of years, my cell phone has been driving me crazy.

Just as I was falling asleep, I would hear a very loud noise, which sounded like some sort of a warning buzzer coming from my phone (in “Do Not Disturb” mode) lying on my bedside table.

Because I have a very strong “startle reflex”–inherited from my mother and grandmother, and unfortunately passed on to two of my daughters–when that “alarm” went off, I sat right up in bed, wide awake. I couldn’t believe my husband slept right through it! I immediately checked the phone, but found no emergency alerts activated. Twice I asked my girls to investigate why my phone was doing this, but they couldn’t find any cause either.

Fortunately, this only happened every few months, but recently it occurred two nights in a row. Now I was really irritated–both with my phone and with my husband for sleeping through such an earth-shattering sound! The next night I moved my phone across the room and covered it up, so I couldn’t possibly hear it.

But, you guessed it…it happened again. The strange part was the loud buzzer still sounded as if it were right next to me.

So the following day I googled “loud noise waking me up at night.” I skipped over the AI blurb and looked at the article from the very reputable Cleveland Clinic entitled “Exploding Head Syndrome (EHS).”

Say what???

It sounded like a joke, but I quickly read through the overview: “Often described as hearing sounds like explosions, gunshots, thunder or other loud noises. The sound isn’t real and nobody else can hear it.” (I immediately apologized to both my phone for not actually making any sound and to my husband for not actually being able to hear it! And I also was so glad I hadn’t “heard” an explosion or gunshot!)

The cause of this sleep disorder is unknown, although one possibility is the brain having an abnormal sleep transition–which seems to be my case as it occurs just after I’ve fallen asleep or just before I’m ready to wake up.

(I’m reluctantly adding Exploding Head Syndrome to my growing list of weird, chronic conditions, including post-herpetic neuralgia, psoas syndrome, hyper-accoustic ear, and plantar plate tear.)

 

So what’s interrupting your “dreams” these days? A health crisis? Marriage struggles? Job insecurity? Financial woes?

And what’s keeping you awake at night? War worries? Stock market anxiety? Wayward children? Aging parents? Unrelenting grief?

As for me, I’m trying to see life’s trials–including my “exploding head”–as an opportunity to really keep focused on the Lord. I know that when we’re weary, God can get our attention in a way that doesn’t always happen when life’s happy and smooth. (But it’s definitely not my preferred method!)

I keep reminding myself of the words to a song by Tim Timmons, a 25-year survivor of a rare, incurable cancer:

In the morning, You have my attention
In the evening, You have my attention
Every season, the laughing, the breaking
The dancing, the waiting
You have my attention

I don’t like the weariness I feel in my life and in this world, but I am listening for God’s “still, small voice.”

Weary friends, feel free to leave a comment so I can pray for you, too.

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Open in your browser to be encouraged by “No Other Gods” from Tim Timmons.
© 2020 Integrity’s Alleluia! Music/10000 Minutes Prayers/SESAC (adm worldwide at CapitolCMGPublishing.com, excluding the UK & Europe which is adm by Integrity Music),Jingram Tunes (SESAC) / So Essential Tunes (SESAC) (admin. by www.EssentialMusicPublishing.com), When I Run Music (BMI) (Admin. by CopyrightSolver), Grunt Galaxy Music (ASCAP) CCLI# 7163054

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Feb 25

The Day Tim Timmons Left Me Speechless

L. to R. Tim, Bob, me, Taylor Hughes

In the summer of 2023, I had the incredible privilege of meeting and sharing the stage with a musician-cancer survivor of whom I had never heard: Tim Timmons. We both were speakers for a three-day cancer survivors’ retreat held at NYT bestselling author Bob Goff’s southern California conference center.

Personally, as a longtime colon cancer survivor, Tim had my full attention when he spoke about how “Poop Happens!” When he sang his debut number, Cast My Cares, I knew I had found a new musical prayer. And when he shared that he was a 20+-year survivor of a rare, incurable cancer, diagnosed at age 25 and now the father of four, my heart felt a special connection.

But it was when he told a true story that I absolutely fell apart.

Tim shared how he’d written and recorded a song he thought was “really good,” but his record label did not agree. Eventually, he and his best friend, Bart Millard (lead singer for MercyMe) rewrote and recorded it on the band’s label.

And then for the 35 of us cancer survivors in the room, Tim played and sang the song…Even If.

I stood to my feet, lifted my hands and sang my heart out. I had no idea Tim had the initial inspiration for my favorite song…the one with which I closed all my “Morning of Hope” seminars. The one that always leads me to bask in holy presence. And now God had allowed me to know the song’s story and meet its creator.

Scheduled to speak next, I went on stage, but was sobbing so hard I was speechless.

“I’m wrecked,” I whispered to Tim as he hugged me.

And why am I sharing this personal story today?

Because if you’re seeking a word to the weary for yourself or someone you love, I’m recommending you go meet Tim Timmons…at the movies!

Last week my husband and I saw the new release I Can Only Imagine 2, starring Milo Ventimiglia (This is Us, Gilmore Girls) as Tim. (It was my first time at the local Movie Tavern, where the plush seats fully recline and when you press a little button, a nice young man brings you food and drink. Who knew???)

Anyway, I went through two or three tissues and I could hear my husband sniffling next to me. Tears of sadness and joy. Goosebumps of God’s goodness. Infusions of faith.

We both were a whole lot less weary.

If you can’t get to the movie theater, Tim has other ways to encourage you, including his weekly podcast https://www.10000minutes.com/ which discusses practical ways to “realign our lives with the way and heart of Jesus.” (You also can sign up for uplifting text messages and view short videos to help feel God’s nearness. And find Tim’s music at https://www.timtimmonsmusic.com/ )

When Tim was diagnosed in 2001, doctors gave him five years to live. He turned 50 this month and next week is the release of his book, Waking Up Again: A Journey of Grief & Gratitude, co-authored with wife Hilary.

The authors say: “This is not a book about cancer. It is about how to embrace the gift of waking up each day, knowing the presence of Jesus in times of sorrow, and His faithfulness when the future feels fragile.”

Tim Timmons has been waking up on “borrowed” time for more than two decades. Every day he takes a black marker and makes an “X” on his right wrist, reminding himself that he’s been given the gift of another day.

I hope you’ll let his words/music/life “wreck” your weary heart with God’s love for you today.
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Open in your browser to hear Make it Well, the newest MercyMe song, co-written by  Bart Millard / Ethan Hulse / Tim Timmons https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLrF-ml7uks

Jan 28

Riding a “Blue Trail”

Christmas ’59

It was the fall of 1969 during my senior year of high school and my family was newly attending a small church in Apple Valley, California. One Sunday morning the four of us traipsed into the little sanctuary toward a partially filled row. My eighth-grade brother Jim tried to squirm past me to get to the row first. Like a typical, annoyed older sister, I insisted he sit by Dad like he always did.

After we were seated, I silently snickered as I, the cool, know-it-all teenager, sized-up the man on my left: cowboy boots; bolo tie; gold wristwatch with big red gems and a bear head. Looks like a real country hick.

I finally glanced at his face and whispered to my little brother, “Doesn’t this guy look like Roy Rogers if Roy Rogers was really old?”

My brother’s bony elbow jabbed my ribs as he loudly whispered back, “You stupid, that is Roy Rogers!”

I gulped, scooted my chair closer to our childhood idol, and when Roy offered to share his hymnal with me, I held a corner of it and sang my heart out with the King of Cowboys![1]

I hope you know the “Happy Trails” melody which signed off TV episodes of the Roy Rogers Show.[2] It’s a soothing, feel good song, which seems rather inappropriate for a word to the weary:

 “Happy trails to you, until we meet again. Happy trails to you, keep smilin’ until then.
Who cares about the clouds when we’re together? Just sing a song and bring the sunny weather.”

But listen to the song’s second verse:

“Some trails are happy ones,
Others are blue.”

Roy and Dale, married for 50 years, had plenty of “blue” trails—three prior, short, failed marriages for Dale beginning at age 14; the death in childbirth of Roy’s first wife; the death from mumps’ complications of toddler daughter Robin (with Down Syndrome); and the deaths of two of their adopted children—12-year-old Debbie in a bus accident; and son Sandy, who choked to death while serving in the U.S. Army. [3]

I can only imagine how many times this couple reminded themselves of the rest of that verse:

“It’s the way you ride the trail that counts.”

Faith and perseverance were the way Roy and Dale rode all those “blue” trails– the ones we know about…and all the ones the public never saw.

I don’t know if the couple ever saw this quote from Dutch Holocaust survivor Corrie Ten Boom, but I am certain they experienced her words:

Your trail might be blue, or grey…or even a coal-black pit, but I believe with all my heart that God’s love for you and your loved one always is deeper still.  When you “ride” life’s trails (or should I say TRIALS?) trusting in the Lord, He will shelter and protect your aching heart.

“His house is my shelter and secret retreat.
It is there I find peace in the midst of storm and turmoil.
Safety sits with me in the hiding place of God.
He will set me on a rock, high above the fray.” Psalm 27:5 The Voice Bible

Happy Trails–of shelter, peace and safety–to you, my friend…until we meet again.

+++++++++++Excerpted from Peace in the Face of Cancer ©Lynn Eib 2017++++++++++++++++++

[1] I laugh whenever I recall this incident because I’ve looked up Roy’s birthdate and know he was about to turn 58– obviously “really old” to my almost 16-year-old eyes!

[2] You can listen to the original version with Roy, Dale and Roy Rogers Jr. “Dusty” online at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgw_yprN_-w

{3] Together Roy and Dale raised nine biological/adopted children, including Dodie, who was in the church’s youth group with me, but we weren’t friends until FB. 🙂 She is Choctaw Native American and Roy had that same heritage on his mother’s side.

Open https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLfnDrK4eJs&list=RDqLfnDrK4eJs&start_radio=1 in your browser to hear “Psalm 27 (The Lord is My Light)”  ©2024 Getty Music Hymns and Songs (ASCAP), Getty Music Publishing (BMI), Jordan Kauflin Music (BMI), Laura’s Stories and Songs (ASCAP), Matt Merker Music (BMI) (all adm at CapitolCMGPublishing.com)

 

Dec 31

The 100% True Fortune Cookie

(I’m intentionally keeping today’s blog and song quite short because it’s New Year’s Eve and well, you  and I might have other important things to do…like cheer for my Ohio State Buckeyes in the CFP quarterfinals!)

But I just had to share the fortune I recently received in my cookie:

Yeah, I bet it will. And so will February, March, April, May…and every other month. Finally, a fortune that is absolutely 100% accurate!

I love the idea of spiritual growth and am so excited about my ladies’ Bible study beginning to study the Letter to the Romans next week. When I teach little kids at Refuge Church each Sunday morning, I find myself learning right along with them. Reading God’s Word, singing praises to the Lord and hearing messages of truth are all favorite ways to stretch my faith, BUT…

I must admit that I’m not as excited about other possible avenues for spiritual growth.

Heartaches, disappointments, betrayals, losses–the list is endless. So many difficult situations in which we find ourselves or our loved ones.

Here’s the kind of prayer I have uttered in my darkest days: Lord, I do not understand why this is happening. The pain feels more than I can bear and I can’t see how I’m going to get through it. There’s nothing good that I can imagine coming from this..BUT I choose to trust You even when it doesn’t make sense. And I choose to believe in Your love even though I can’t feel it. 

Yes, January will bring you–and me–opportunities (some happy and some sad) for spiritual growth. I pray I will:


(Happy New Year and GO BUCKS!!!)
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Please open the video in your browser to be encouraged by the acapella group Bliss Zimbabwe singing “Trials Make You Grow.” (3¼ min. long)

Nov 18

When Life Gets “Really Messed Up”

In 2006 Debbie was the 39-year-old mother of a toddler daughter, and she and husband Karl wanted one more child.

Instead her life plans “got really messed up” when they learned she was pregnant with twins.

“That caused a lot of anxiety because I’m a planner and I was planning on having two kids, not three,” Debbie explained as we chatted recently at our favorite coffeehouse.

She delivered identical twin daughters with a combined birth weight of nearly 14 pounds and settled into caring for two newborns and a 3-year-old. But at 4 months, the twins were not hitting expected developmental milestones.

“Even though the doctor wasn’t concerned, I kept feeling that something was off,” Debbie recalled.

At the age of 1 neither Sydney nor Danielle could stand, and at 2 they still weren’t talking. Evaluations with early intervention and sessions with therapists produced no answers, but every specialist thought they might catch up.

And then Debbie’s life plans got shattered when a new doctor bluntly assessed the beautiful 2-year-olds, saying “they’re not going to catch up.”

Sydney & Danielle, 1 year old

“He took away all hope from us,” Debbie recalled. “Karl and I left that appointment and our world was rocked. I spiraled down to a really dark place with so much anxiety. Medication helped some, but I was waking up in the middle of the night with panic attacks.”

She called an old friend and asked how she overcame her anxiety.

“It’s going to sound silly,” the friend acknowledged, “but I started following Jesus.”

Meanwhile Debbie’s mother-in-law lovingly urged her “to let your worries go to God.”

That created a new problem because in college Debbie had begun questioning God’s existence.

But in spite of her doubts, in 2010 she visited a church near her home. There she joined a small group and was baptized, but privately wondered: if there is a God, why would He do this to me?

Front to back: Kiersten, Danielle & Sydney

In 2013 when the twins were 6, brain MRIs showed an anomaly called polymicrogyria*. Additional testing at 14 found a rare genetic mutation which shed more light on the girls’ intellectual disability, ADHD, speech/language impairment, and juvenile scoliosis.

Then in 2021, while still struggling with all the “normal” things her family couldn’t do, she joined my weekly women’s Bible study to get help understanding Scripture.

“Your group changed my life literally,” she told me. “At some point I started realizing that God has a purpose for everyone and mine is to help my girls become the best they can be.

“My anxiety about the twins’ intense physical and emotional needs is what really brought me back to faith,” Debbie explained. “Now just seeing how much they enjoy life and make people smile gives me great joy.”

“Mommy, look at the moon!”
“Ooooh, look! The sky is purple!”

“They see the beauty in everything of God’s creation,” Debbie said, “especially things we just take for granted.”

Despite the fact the twins will never “catch up,” they continue to learn new skills such as stocking shelves and try new activities like gardening at The Camphill School for special needs students.

2025 Debbie, Danielle, Kiersten, Karl & Sydney

And Debbie is especially grateful for her “unplanned” family of three children because of the twins (now 18) impact on their big sister.

“If Kiersten were an only child, she would be so different,” Debbie said. “Because of them, she has become so compassionate.

“Having special needs twins was never my plan, but now I know God’s plan is for me to help them grow and become all they were meant to be,” she explained. “As long as I focus on that, I can handle the challenges and be at peace with our life, even though it is so different from that of our friends.”
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*Polymicrogyria is a brain malformation characterized by excessive folds in the cerebral cortex. Poly (many)-micro (small)-gyria (folds)

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Open in your browser to hear “Good Plans” by Red Rock Worship  © 2023 Songs of Red Rocks Worship Publishing /Be Essential Songs (BMI) (admin. at EssentialMusicPublishing.com); Redburns (ASCAP)