Dec 15

Grieving something or someone this Christmas?

I thought it wouldn’t.

But it did.

It happened again.

Kenny G was belting out jazzy, holiday cheer. A burning candle wafted a delicious candy cane scent. I was by myself happily decorating our house for Christmas. I lifted a slightly torn, rectangular box out of the large plastic storage bin and chuckled to myself. This box has to be more than 60 years old!

Carefully wrapped inside was a slender, shiny, tree topper that graced my parents’ Christmas trees for decades. It wasn’t the original which came in the now-yellowed box, but a replacement topper my folks decided to store there after the first one broke. (I can just hear my Mom saying: Why throw away a perfectly good box?)

I lovingly placed the topper in my mom’s antique glass pitcher filled with some of my parents’ old ornaments, stepped back and approvingly surveyed my decorating.

 And then it started. A lump in my throat. I swallowed hard, but it grew. I felt my eyes misting and then hot, tears began to sting as I tried to hold them back.

I miss my mom and my dad. I don’t want their ornaments…I want them! 

I sat down on the couch and wept.

And that’s what grief does to us. It catches us when we’re not expecting it and won’t let go until we’ve allowed it to have its say.

Have you experienced grief sneaking up on you? A sound, a smell, a word, a photo. Something triggers a memory or thought and you come undone.

Maybe you’re grieving the loss of health or a job. Maybe it’s the first Dec. 25 a certain smiling face won’t be in your home. Or maybe it’s been 20 years, but you still yearn for one more holiday with them.

Or maybe the persons you’re missing haven’t passed away, but circumstances are separating you this year. It just doesn’t seem right you won’t be together. That’s grief you’re feeling, too.

Connie Milchling, author, speaker, ministry director

My friend Connie, whose husband Brad literally dropped dead of a heart attack in 2004 at age 47 recalls that she didn’t feel like celebrating Christmas just three months after his passing.

“I felt horrible because I did not want to celebrate Jesus’ birth because of Brad’s death,” admitted Connie.

But a good friend gave her some insight which helped ease that holiday pain.

“Do you know what Jesus is doing this Christmas season?” the friend asked Connie.

Connie shook her head “no.”

“He’s weeping…He’s weeping with you.”

Connie said that mental image of Jesus shedding tears for her helped to stop the worrying about all the unwanted holiday celebrations. Instead, she prayed: “Just for today, I need to see Jesus. Just for today, I need to seek Jesus. Just for today, I need to serve Jesus.”

Are you grieving something or someone this Christmas? Jesus–the whole Reason for the Season–is weeping with you.  Remember He understands your sorrow (Isaiah 53:3) even if no one else on earth really does. Why not share in Connie’s prayer that today you will see Jesus…today you will seek Jesus…today you will serve Jesus.

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” Psalm 34:18
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Be sure to open in your browser to hear “Be Still My Soul” sung by Libera, a British acapella boys’ choir.

Dec 01

Don’t waste your cancer…or any other pain

Those are the words penned by author-pastor John Piper on the eve of his surgery for prostate cancer in 2006. My cancer prayer support group often discussed one of Piper’s ten ways we can “waste” cancer by allowing it—instead of God—to be foremost in our lives.*  

Probably the cancer survivor who most often expressed not wanting to waste his painful, unplanned circumstances is my friend Bert, diagnosed in 2003 with stage 4 prostate cancer at the age of 68.

Bert and wife Joan at our support group 2009

Bert’s cancer was not operable, so he underwent eight weeks of radiation and eighteen months of hormone shots to try and slow its course. The radiation went fairly well, but the shots, which “turned off” his male hormones gave him severe hot flashes.

“That gave me a greater appreciation of what women go through in menopause and I sure don’t want to go through childbirth!” Bert quipped to our group.

Because Bert’s father and grandfather both had faced cancer, he wasn’t shocked to get his diagnosis.

“I was surprised and concerned, but I had a peace about it,” he recalls. “I remember thinking that I could go home and feel sorry for myself—but I would still have cancer—or I could use it to show people that I’m not afraid to die. I’ve decided I will use cancer to share and encourage other people.”

Despite being told by doctors that he should expect the cancer to return,  eighteen years later at age 86, Bert continues to be in complete remission. A few years ago he moved to Florida where he still shines for the Lord–co-teaching a weekly Bible study, mentoring two men and providing lots of TLC for Joan, his wife of 62 years, who battles multiple health issues.

“I like to ask people ‘where is your hope?,’” he explains, “and I like to share with them that my hope is in following Christ.”

God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort.
He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others.
When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4:

John Piper, Chancellor of Bethlehem College & iSeminary

I cannot imagine how many people Bert has encouraged because he chose not to waste his cancer and refuses to allow anything but God to be foremost in his life.

But it’s not just cancer we can waste, is it?  It’s any pain–physical, emotional, mental or spiritual–that becomes our focus instead of God.

Piper says that “Christians are never anywhere by divine accident. There are reasons for why we wind up where we do. Consider what Jesus said about painful, unplanned circumstances: ‘They will lay their hands on you and persecute you, delivering you up to the synagogues and prisons, and you will be brought before kings and governors for my name’s sake. This will be your opportunity to bear witness.’ (Luke 21:12 -13). So it is with cancer. This will be an opportunity to bear witness. Christ is infinitely worthy. Here is a golden opportunity to show that he is worth more than life. Don’t waste it.”

Will you pray with me today?

Heavenly Father, I wish I didn’t have to face this struggle, but because I do, I’m asking You to help me not to waste it. Please take these painful, unplanned circumstances and turn them into an opportunity for me to show others that You are worth more than life itself. In Jesus’ Name, I pray. Amen.

*(You can read his wonderful essay at https://www.desiringgod.org/books/dont-waste-your-cancer) 
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Be sure to open in your browser to hear Lauren Daigle’s beautiful rendition of “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus”

Nov 17

When It’s Too Hard to Pray

It’s pretty easy to thank God when ­everything’s going well. When you feel happy. When you have your health. When your loved ones are doing fine.

Image by Barbara Jackson from Pixabay

It’s a lot harder when some things—maybe most things—are not going well.

In those first dark days after my cancer diagnosis in 1990, I literally ­could not pray. Sentences simply refused to form. The ­only thing I felt I could utter was a desperate cry for healing. What else was there to say?

Image by Avelino Calvar Martinez from Pixabay

And then I read a Bible verse—one ­I’m sure I’d read many times before, but this time it seemed to jump off the page:

And the Holy Spirit helps us in our distress.
For we don’t even know what we should pray for, nor how we should pray.
But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words.
And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying,
for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will.
 Romans  8:26-27

Two wonderful verses about how to pray when you feel you ­can’t pray. They were right there in the Bible, sandwiched between the Apostle Paul’s discussion of suffering and his explanation of how we can be victorious even in difficult times! (Read the whole chapter and you’ll see what I mean.)

Wow. It was okay that I felt that it was too hard to pray. The Holy Spirit would pray for me. He would take my “groans” that were too deep for words right to the throne of God. And even better than that, the Spirit would know exactly what to pray for me; He would pray accord­ing to God’s will.

After I found that verse, I would often just sit with my hands on my lap, palms toward heaven, tears trickling down my cheeks . . . praying.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

I never said a word. I ­couldn’t even form cohesive thoughts in my mind, but I prayed. I simply allowed God’s Spirit to take my innermost thoughts, my deepest fears to God and pray for me.

How about you, my friend? Is there a hurt/loss/worry/fear so deep that you don’t have the strength or “right” words to pray?

Hear how The Message paraphrase renders Romans 8:26: If we ­don’t know how or what to pray, it ­doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans.

What an amazing God! He knows that at the times we need Him most, we may not be able to express ourselves to Him, so He has His own Spirit do it for us!

Take heart, dear friend, and believe that even when it feels too hard to pray…you still can.

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Be sure to open in your browser to hear the inspiring music video “O My Soul” by Casting Crowns, written by  band member Mark Hall the night he found out he needed surgery to remove a cancerous kidney.

 

 

Nov 03

How God Whispers His Love

I’ve always been fascinated by the bald eagle, our country’s national symbol.  But about a decade ago these once-endangered creatures came to symbolize something even more special for me.

My women’s group was reading a book by husband-wife duo John and Stasi Eldredge in which they shared an amazing story.

While John was on a business trip in Oregon, he went to a deserted beach for alone time with God. Suddenly  a huge plume of water shot up and a massive humpback whale appeared right by the shore.

“Humpback Whale Diving” by ahisgett is licensed under CC BY 2.0

John said he knew immediately that this was a gift from God to his heart alone, a “gift from the Lover of his heart.”

Thrilled with John’s divine “gift,”  Stasi wished for one too. So while at a women’s retreat in California, she headed to the beach for time alone with God. Seated in the sand, she asked God to see a whale.

After a lengthy wait with no such sighting, she headed back to the retreat. Walking around a corner, she encountered a beautiful, solitary starfish in the sand and knew it was her special gift. Immediately, Stasi thanked God for His amazing love and rounded the next bend.

“Before me, behind me, surrounding me, were hundreds of starfish. Zillions of them,” she says. “God didn’t just love me. He LOOOOVED me!”

“Starfish” by Elena Kalis is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

As our study group discussed this story, some said they, too, hoped for a special reminder of God’s love. I didn’t mention it, but knew I wouldn’t be asking for any such “sign.” After all, I was a longtime Christ-follower who accepted the truth of God’s love for me described in His Word and didn’t need any “touchy-feely” stuff 🙂 (Can you guess where this story is headed?)

At the next meeting a couple women joyfully shared their answered prayers, including one who had a beautiful, double rainbow appear right in front of her car.

A few days later I just had started an early evening walk when my husband called out that he would go with me if I waited. Frankly, I really wanted to get going and hurry back to my to-do list. But I love my husband, so I waited.

As we headed down our big hill, I glanced up. Flying about 25 feet above was a bald eagle. I always had longed to see this majestic bird in the wild, but never mentioned my deep desire to anyone.

I began pointing and grinning while fighting back tears. I had walked/jogged that street day-after-day for many years and never seen this eagle who apparently fished at a nearby small lake. It was no coincidence that I saw it that day; instead it was a powerful reminder that the God who can read our minds delights in our joy.

As Stasi Eldredge writes: “He knows what takes your breath away, knows what makes your heart beat faster. We have missed many of his notes simply because we shut our hearts down in order to endure the pain of life.”

How about you, my friend? Has the pain of life pushed your heart closed to the joy of God’s love for you? I can’t promise you a whale, zillions of starfish, or even a bald eagle, but I agree with Stasi that “we must choose to open our heart again so that we might hear his whispers” of love.

Every time I see a bald eagle (including this one flying over my next-door neighbors recently), it thrills my heart and reminds me of my heavenly Father’s love.

Go ahead and ask Him to whisper His love to your heart today.

“And may you have the power to understand as all God’s people should,
how wide, how long, how high,  and how deep his love is.”
Ephesians 3:18

“I will be glad and rejoice in your unfailing love,
for you have seen my troubles, and you care about the anguish of my soul.”
Psalm 31:7

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Be sure to open in your browser to hear the music video “How He Loves  Us” by the David Crowder Band.

 

 

 

 

Oct 13

Check-up Time: My Oncologist Has Cancer (Part 7)

Selfie with Elizabeth at the St. Lawrence River.

I haven’t posted anything since March about my oncologist/former boss/dear friend, Dr. Marc Hirsh, who was diagnosed 16 months ago with an extremely rare, large cancerous tumor behind his heart. Last month at his 6-month checkup with his Hershey Medical oncologist, Marc and his wife Elizabeth braced themselves for bad news, still clinging to hope that it wouldn’t come.

After all, when Marc was diagnosed in May of last year with a 12-cm neuroendocrine carcinoma of thymus origin, his future looked very bleak. Specialist after specialist shook their heads offering no chance of a cure or even a treatment with any real data to show it might help. They all thought he had very little time to live.

But God had other ideas.

Drum roll, please… CT scan showed NO TUMOR GROWTH! Here’s the actual text Marc sent me the next morning along with my immediate giph response of a dancing elderly woman (which I doubt he truly appreciated):

Obviously Marc was very happy with this news, although he’s not one to react quite as enthusiastically as some of us do.

“I just expected it (the tumor) would have modest growth the way some of these neuroendocrine tumors do,” Marc said in a recent phone conversation. “It still mystifies me with everything I know (about cancer). The way it presented and as sick as I was–everything pointed to an aggressive, rapidly growing tumor.”

Instead, since recovering from the “debulking” surgery (which reduced the mass to 8 cm), Marc has been feeling better. He devised his own treatment plan– radiation, oral chemo and hormone injections–which further shrank the tumor to 6 cm when he finished a year ago.

“I’m feeling good and I really feel stronger these last couple of months,” he said. “It makes me feel really grateful.”

My husband and I spent Labor Day weekend with Marc and Elizabeth at their beach house and we marveled watching him jog at a park and swim in the ocean, activities he couldn’t manage at the beginning of summer.

Image by Oleksandr Pyrohov from Pixabay

But even before he got the good report at Hershey, Marc said he “took a leap of faith” and made some plans for the future by buying a season skiing pass. He and his wife also purchased a small RV and have travel plans to sightsee.

Marc, 70, says he is even enjoying retirement, forced upon him when his diagnosis and poor health necessitated the immediate closure of his 31-year-old solo oncology practice.

“Up until a few months ago I really missed work and felt like a fish out of water, but I’ve kind of adjusted to it,” he said. “I find myself enjoying more leisure time reading, playing music, traveling and (being with) family.”

When I asked Marc how he explains his amazing recovery and the tumor’s stability, I could hear Elizabeth in the background yelling “God! God! God!”

“Yes, God,” Marc chuckled and added, “And I certainly don’t discount all the prayers, letters, support and love that was shown me in the healing process.

“I personally think it’s good to be open about what’s going on (during trials) so people can be supportive,” he added. “You have to be willing for people to help and care about you.”

LifeHopeandTruth.com

And as always, the scripture that keeps Marc grounded and “focused on the here and now” is from Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 6:31-34):

“So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’  These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.”

Amen to that.
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Whenever I write about Marc, I close with a song by Rich Mullins, his favorite Christian artist: “Where You Are.”