Apr 08

Have you been bamboozled?

A few weeks ago I taught a Sunday School lesson for second- through sixth-graders which left most of the class gagging, spitting into napkins and begging for water.

My granddaughter tasting “wet dog!”

It was one of my all-time favorite lessons.

Lest you think I’ve totally lost my mind, here’s what happened.

I explained to the dozen kids gathered that I wanted to play a game which I was calling “Good Decision/Bad Decision.” Participation was entirely voluntary,

I think all of them were familiar with Bean Boozled jelly beans, but for any of you “uninformed,” there are two “flavors” for each color of jelly bean. You have to decide which one you will eat. A tan bean with brown spots could either be toasted marshmallow or stinkbug. A red and white one: pomegranate or old bandage. And an orange bean: peach or barf! 

I didn’t want any kids to actually “barf,” so I had napkins to spit out yucky beans, small cups with water to rinse out mouths, and delicious gumdrops to remove any lingering aftertaste.

I was surprised that every single student wanted to play and most wanted multiple turns! A few “good” decisions were made, but there were definitely plenty of “bad” too. (I ran out of napkins and most of my gumdrops. Here’s a 12-second video of some of the action https://youtu.be/P5mYYOFupgo )

Afterwards we talked about how to make good decisions and avoid bad ones, while recognizing that Bean Boozled candy didn’t actually give you any way to consistently make a good choice.

That lesson got me thinking about negative, life-altering events about which we don’t get a choice. Like when I was smacked by a colon cancer diagnosis in 1990 at age 36 when I was pretty much a health nut. I was perplexed and confounded this could happen to me and felt as if I had been fooled and cheated into thinking that living a healthy lifestyle would protect me. (By the way, all those italicized words are definitions of bamboozled!)

I got handed a stinkbug jelly bean instead of the toasted marshmallow one I expected.

How about you? Anything turning out in your life not the way you planned?  Perhaps something unfair or even unimaginable? Maybe a health diagnosis for you or a loved one which resembles “stinky socks” much more than “tutti-frutti?”

So much of the discouragement I’m feeling about this world right now stems from people’s decisions which adversely affect me and especially others I care about–leaving a “bad” taste in my mouth. So what can I do? Spit in a napkin? Drink water? Eat a gumdrop?

I wish it were that easy.

Instead, I remind myself that when life feels out-of-control, there is only thing I always can control: me.

“The longer I live, the more convinced I am that life is 10 percent what happens to us and 90 percent how we respond to it,” writes pastor-author Chuck Swindoll. “I believe the single most significant decision I can make on a day-to-day basis is my choice of attitude.”

So these are the verses I’m trusting the Holy Spirit to use for my “attitude adjustment:”

Listen, open your ears, harness your desire to speak,
and don’t get worked up into a rage so easily, my brothers and sisters. James 1:19 The Voice Bible

Since God chose you to be the holy people He loves,
you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy,
kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Colossians 3:12

I agree with Pastor Swindoll that “When my attitudes are right, there’s no barrier too high, no valley too deep, no dream too extreme, no challenge too great for me.”

And I remind myself that as Mack Brock sings: “My God is still in control…You have not left me alone, though the world has let me down.”
(Open in your browser to hear.)

 

Mar 25

How My Cell Phone and My Husband Irritated Me

Sleepover “twinning” with the youngest grand

On and off for the past couple of years, my cell phone has been driving me crazy.

Just as I was falling asleep, I would hear a very loud noise, which sounded like some sort of a warning buzzer coming from my phone (in “Do Not Disturb” mode) lying on my bedside table.

Because I have a very strong “startle reflex”–inherited from my mother and grandmother, and unfortunately passed on to two of my daughters–when that “alarm” went off, I sat right up in bed, wide awake. I couldn’t believe my husband slept right through it! I immediately checked the phone, but found no emergency alerts activated. Twice I asked my girls to investigate why my phone was doing this, but they couldn’t find any cause either.

Fortunately, this only happened every few months, but recently it occurred two nights in a row. Now I was really irritated–both with my phone and with my husband for sleeping through such an earth-shattering sound! The next night I moved my phone across the room and covered it up, so I couldn’t possibly hear it.

But, you guessed it…it happened again. The strange part was the loud buzzer still sounded as if it were right next to me.

So the following day I googled “loud noise waking me up at night.” I skipped over the AI blurb and looked at the article from the very reputable Cleveland Clinic entitled “Exploding Head Syndrome (EHS).”

Say what???

It sounded like a joke, but I quickly read through the overview: “Often described as hearing sounds like explosions, gunshots, thunder or other loud noises. The sound isn’t real and nobody else can hear it.” (I immediately apologized to both my phone for not actually making any sound and to my husband for not actually being able to hear it! And I also was so glad I hadn’t “heard” an explosion or gunshot!)

The cause of this sleep disorder is unknown, although one possibility is the brain having an abnormal sleep transition–which seems to be my case as it occurs just after I’ve fallen asleep or just before I’m ready to wake up.

(I’m reluctantly adding Exploding Head Syndrome to my growing list of weird, chronic conditions, including post-herpetic neuralgia, psoas syndrome, hyper-accoustic ear, and plantar plate tear.)

 

So what’s interrupting your “dreams” these days? A health crisis? Marriage struggles? Job insecurity? Financial woes?

And what’s keeping you awake at night? War worries? Stock market anxiety? Wayward children? Aging parents? Unrelenting grief?

As for me, I’m trying to see life’s trials–including my “exploding head”–as an opportunity to really keep focused on the Lord. I know that when we’re weary, God can get our attention in a way that doesn’t always happen when life’s happy and smooth. (But it’s definitely not my preferred method!)

I keep reminding myself of the words to a song by Tim Timmons, a 25-year survivor of a rare, incurable cancer:

In the morning, You have my attention
In the evening, You have my attention
Every season, the laughing, the breaking
The dancing, the waiting
You have my attention

I don’t like the weariness I feel in my life and in this world, but I am listening for God’s “still, small voice.”

Weary friends, feel free to leave a comment so I can pray for you, too.

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Open in your browser to be encouraged by “No Other Gods” from Tim Timmons.
© 2020 Integrity’s Alleluia! Music/10000 Minutes Prayers/SESAC (adm worldwide at CapitolCMGPublishing.com, excluding the UK & Europe which is adm by Integrity Music),Jingram Tunes (SESAC) / So Essential Tunes (SESAC) (admin. by www.EssentialMusicPublishing.com), When I Run Music (BMI) (Admin. by CopyrightSolver), Grunt Galaxy Music (ASCAP) CCLI# 7163054

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mar 11

When “Normal” is No More

June 2020, first grandbaby

May 29, 2024, started out as a normal day for my dear friend Karen. She was ready to leave for her secretarial job at her normal time of 6:30 AM. She kissed her husband Tim goodbye as she normally did. He was in the kitchen making his normal cup of coffee.

No one knew it would be the last “normal” day of Tim’s life…or of Karen’s.

Apparently shortly after she left, Tim walked into the adjacent living room and collapsed with a massive stroke–his coffee still untouched.

And so began months of doctors, procedures, hospital stays, rehab…and prayers. First, that Tim would survive, and then that despite his left side paralysis, he could regain some physical abilities.

Tim worked tirelessly at long, intensive rehab sessions. It was really tough, but he made slow, encouraging gains.

Meanwhile, Karen started spiraling down.

“There are a mountain of things that are now my responsibility,” Karen texted me in June 2024.

I knew from our four decades of friendship that Tim, a Navy veteran and retired tool and die maker, took care of most of the household responsibilities–financial affairs, yard work, cooking, cleaning, car maintenance.

There was no time for Karen to grieve what the couple had lost. Being Tim’s caregiver was like another full-time job, as she tried to figure out what he could and couldn’t do, what he needed from her, and how to get help for both of them.

“I’m mostly imprisoned in my own house because Tim cannot be left alone and we can’t travel easily with a wheelchair,” she explained in an August 2024 text.

The normally witty, fun Karen slid into a very deep depression.

“I have failed my husband and my Lord so badly,” she told me. “I’ve been so broken, so angry and so resentful. Tim is still as sweet as ever…I am not.”

Karen saw a psychiatrist and started on an antidepressant, but there was no quick fix.

Almost two years later, not much has changed about the couple’s circumstances, but finally she can see some light–thanks to medicine, counseling and prayer…especially the prayers of others.

“Had I not been surrounded by good Christian friends and family praying for me every day, I am convinced I would still be in the darkness of depression and anger because I simply could not pray,” she explained.

Early on after the stroke, Karen said that she believed “one day I will be able to tell a triumphant story of Tim’s recovery.”

March 2026

I agree that Tim’s survival and recovery has been a miraculous one–especially as he has maintained much of his memory and all of his lovable personality.

But I wanted to write about Karen today because I believe she has a triumphant story of continuing recovery from the depths of despair.

I know she sees “failure” and “shame” in her life, but I see raw honesty, which always pleases God.

 “I’m clawing my way back one prayer, one verse at a time,” she confided.

If you or someone you love has ever struggled with depression, you understand how dark it can get. Maybe you or your loved one has a chronic illness/condition and realize life never will be “normal” again. Perhaps, like Karen, you are a worn out caregiver.

I hope you will join Karen in “clawing” your way back. Crying out for God’s strength and clinging to His loving promises…even from the depths. That, my friend, is how triumphing over darkness begins.

Deeper and deeper I sink into the mire; I can’t find a foothold.
I am in deep water and the floods overwhelm me…
Answer my prayers, O LORD, for Your unfailing love is wonderful. Psalm 69:2, 16

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 Please open in your browser to hear the song which Karen listened to in her darkest moments:
Desperate by Jamie MacDonald (with Lauren Daigle) © 2024 Capitol CMG, Inc.

Feb 25

The Day Tim Timmons Left Me Speechless

L. to R. Tim, Bob, me, Taylor Hughes

In the summer of 2023, I had the incredible privilege of meeting and sharing the stage with a musician-cancer survivor of whom I had never heard: Tim Timmons. We both were speakers for a three-day cancer survivors’ retreat held at NYT bestselling author Bob Goff’s southern California conference center.

Personally, as a longtime colon cancer survivor, Tim had my full attention when he spoke about how “Poop Happens!” When he sang his debut number, Cast My Cares, I knew I had found a new musical prayer. And when he shared that he was a 20+-year survivor of a rare, incurable cancer, diagnosed at age 25 and now the father of four, my heart felt a special connection.

But it was when he told a true story that I absolutely fell apart.

Tim shared how he’d written and recorded a song he thought was “really good,” but his record label did not agree. Eventually, he and his best friend, Bart Millard (lead singer for MercyMe) rewrote and recorded it on the band’s label.

And then for the 35 of us cancer survivors in the room, Tim played and sang the song…Even If.

I stood to my feet, lifted my hands and sang my heart out. I had no idea Tim had the initial inspiration for my favorite song…the one with which I closed all my “Morning of Hope” seminars. The one that always leads me to bask in holy presence. And now God had allowed me to know the song’s story and meet its creator.

Scheduled to speak next, I went on stage, but was sobbing so hard I was speechless.

“I’m wrecked,” I whispered to Tim as he hugged me.

And why am I sharing this personal story today?

Because if you’re seeking a word to the weary for yourself or someone you love, I’m recommending you go meet Tim Timmons…at the movies!

Last week my husband and I saw the new release I Can Only Imagine 2, starring Milo Ventimiglia (This is Us, Gilmore Girls) as Tim. (It was my first time at the local Movie Tavern, where the plush seats fully recline and when you press a little button, a nice young man brings you food and drink. Who knew???)

Anyway, I went through two or three tissues and I could hear my husband sniffling next to me. Tears of sadness and joy. Goosebumps of God’s goodness. Infusions of faith.

We both were a whole lot less weary.

If you can’t get to the movie theater, Tim has other ways to encourage you, including his weekly podcast https://www.10000minutes.com/ which discusses practical ways to “realign our lives with the way and heart of Jesus.” (You also can sign up for uplifting text messages and view short videos to help feel God’s nearness. And find Tim’s music at https://www.timtimmonsmusic.com/ )

When Tim was diagnosed in 2001, doctors gave him five years to live. He turned 50 this month and next week is the release of his book, Waking Up Again: A Journey of Grief & Gratitude, co-authored with wife Hilary.

The authors say: “This is not a book about cancer. It is about how to embrace the gift of waking up each day, knowing the presence of Jesus in times of sorrow, and His faithfulness when the future feels fragile.”

Tim Timmons has been waking up on “borrowed” time for more than two decades. Every day he takes a black marker and makes an “X” on his right wrist, reminding himself that he’s been given the gift of another day.

I hope you’ll let his words/music/life “wreck” your weary heart with God’s love for you today.
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Open in your browser to hear Make it Well, the newest MercyMe song, co-written by  Bart Millard / Ethan Hulse / Tim Timmons https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLrF-ml7uks

Feb 11

Who’s Taking Care of YOU?

Do you know what to do if you’re on an airplane and there’s a sudden loss of cabin pressure?

Image by Orna from Pixabay

Scream? Pray? Help other passengers?

All good ideas, but if you paid attention to the flight attendant before takeoff, you know to “secure your own oxygen mask first before you help others.” 

Thankfully, I’ve never been on a plane experiencing a sudden loss in cabin pressure, but hearing a diagnosis of cancer or facing some other life-altering situation in your life or your loved one’s certainly can make one feel faint.

It’s common for folks to feel exhausted while caring for a cancer patient…or aging parents…or special needs children…or a loved one with a chronic condition…or grandchildren caught in a nasty divorce. The weeks, months or even years of loving support can weary anyone.

Many years ago I remember being awakened–yet again– in the middle of the night hearing my father-in-law in his bedroom below us. When I checked, I found him sitting stark naked on the bed. I asked him about his clothes to which he replied: “Ralph took them off.”

I redressed him, went back upstairs, chided my husband for disrobing his dad and tried to get back to sleep before I had to get three little girls ready for school.

I’ve been a caregiver for family members—either unwell physically or mentally—for most of the past three decades. I’ve had a relative with dementia living in our home for years and I’ve made bi-weekly seven-hour car trips for months to be with a relative undergoing chemo. I’ve been so physically fatigued I had to literally crawl up the second-floor stairs and I’ve been so emotionally exhausted I’ve spent hundreds of dollars pouring out my woes to a counselor.

Being a caregiver is incredibly hard…I get it.

But I also know we make the task even more difficult when we fail to take good care of ourselves. Do you know what Jesus said the two most important commandments are? First, “Love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength” and second, “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

Don’t miss those last two words: “as yourself.” It doesn’t just say to “love your neighbor.” It says we need to love ourselves. In fact, we can’t really love other people if we don’t love ourselves.

It is not selfish of you to do something refreshing, rejuvenating or relaxing for yourself. You cannot “fill up” your loved one when both of you are running on fumes. 

I remember when I settled my mother’s estate after she lived the last years of her life in a wonderful continuing care retirement community. There was a whopping $900 left.

I gave our three girls $100 each and told them to treat themselves. I gave my brother $300 and told him to do the same. And then I took my $300 and went to Hershey Spa for the day. I’m positive that my mom–a very frugal person–approved of my splurge.

If you can’t leave your family member alone, this is the time to call in one of those offers of help that others have made.  Watch a funny movie, enjoy a massage, go fishing, get a pedicure, take a walk, hit a bucket of balls, catch a nap. Do something to lift your spirits so afterward you can once again lift someone else’s.

And please cut yourself some slack as you wait for your caregiving burden to ease.  Here’s a prayer from the song “Make it Well” by MercyMe*:

I need a peace that only Heaven knows
Jesus, could you please
just sit and cry with me
Till I can sing
Till I can sing
It is well with my soul.

++++++++++++++++++Excerpted from Peace in the Face of Cancer ©Lynn Eib 2017+++++++++++++
* Please open in your browser https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLrF-ml7uks&list=RDxLrF-ml7uks&start_radio=1  to hear  “Make it Well” by MercyMe (from their new film “I Can Only Imagine 2” in theaters Feb. 20).