Feb 11

Who’s Taking Care of YOU?

Do you know what to do if you’re on an airplane and there’s a sudden loss of cabin pressure?

Image by Orna from Pixabay

Scream? Pray? Help other passengers?

All good ideas, but if you paid attention to the flight attendant before takeoff, you know to “secure your own oxygen mask first before you help others.” 

Thankfully, I’ve never been on a plane experiencing a sudden loss in cabin pressure, but hearing a diagnosis of cancer or facing some other life-altering situation in your life or your loved one’s certainly can make one feel faint.

It’s common for folks to feel exhausted while caring for a cancer patient…or aging parents…or special needs children…or a loved one with a chronic condition…or grandchildren caught in a nasty divorce. The weeks, months or even years of loving support can weary anyone.

Many years ago I remember being awakened–yet again– in the middle of the night hearing my father-in-law in his bedroom below us. When I checked, I found him sitting stark naked on the bed. I asked him about his clothes to which he replied: “Ralph took them off.”

I redressed him, went back upstairs, chided my husband for disrobing his dad and tried to get back to sleep before I had to get three little girls ready for school.

I’ve been a caregiver for family members—either unwell physically or mentally—for most of the past three decades. I’ve had a relative with dementia living in our home for years and I’ve made bi-weekly seven-hour car trips for months to be with a relative undergoing chemo. I’ve been so physically fatigued I had to literally crawl up the second-floor stairs and I’ve been so emotionally exhausted I’ve spent hundreds of dollars pouring out my woes to a counselor.

Being a caregiver is incredibly hard…I get it.

But I also know we make the task even more difficult when we fail to take good care of ourselves. Do you know what Jesus said the two most important commandments are? First, “Love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength” and second, “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

Don’t miss those last two words: “as yourself.” It doesn’t just say to “love your neighbor.” It says we need to love ourselves. In fact, we can’t really love other people if we don’t love ourselves.

It is not selfish of you to do something refreshing, rejuvenating or relaxing for yourself. You cannot “fill up” your loved one when both of you are running on fumes. 

I remember when I settled my mother’s estate after she lived the last years of her life in a wonderful continuing care retirement community. There was a whopping $900 left.

I gave our three girls $100 each and told them to treat themselves. I gave my brother $300 and told him to do the same. And then I took my $300 and went to Hershey Spa for the day. I’m positive that my mom–a very frugal person–approved of my splurge.

If you can’t leave your family member alone, this is the time to call in one of those offers of help that others have made.  Watch a funny movie, enjoy a massage, go fishing, get a pedicure, take a walk, hit a bucket of balls, catch a nap. Do something to lift your spirits so afterward you can once again lift someone else’s.

And please cut yourself some slack as you wait for your caregiving burden to ease.  Here’s a prayer from the song “Make it Well” by MercyMe*:

I need a peace that only Heaven knows
Jesus, could you please
just sit and cry with me
Till I can sing
Till I can sing
It is well with my soul.

++++++++++++++++++Excerpted from Peace in the Face of Cancer ©Lynn Eib 2017+++++++++++++
* Please open in your browser https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLrF-ml7uks&list=RDxLrF-ml7uks&start_radio=1  to hear  “Make it Well” by MercyMe (from their new film “I Can Only Imagine 2” in theaters Feb. 20).

Jan 28

Riding a “Blue Trail”

Christmas ’59

It was the fall of 1969 during my senior year of high school and my family was newly attending a small church in Apple Valley, California. One Sunday morning the four of us traipsed into the little sanctuary toward a partially filled row. My eighth-grade brother Jim tried to squirm past me to get to the row first. Like a typical, annoyed older sister, I insisted he sit by Dad like he always did.

After we were seated, I silently snickered as I, the cool, know-it-all teenager, sized-up the man on my left: cowboy boots; bolo tie; gold wristwatch with big red gems and a bear head. Looks like a real country hick.

I finally glanced at his face and whispered to my little brother, “Doesn’t this guy look like Roy Rogers if Roy Rogers was really old?”

My brother’s bony elbow jabbed my ribs as he loudly whispered back, “You stupid, that is Roy Rogers!”

I gulped, scooted my chair closer to our childhood idol, and when Roy offered to share his hymnal with me, I held a corner of it and sang my heart out with the King of Cowboys![1]

I hope you know the “Happy Trails” melody which signed off TV episodes of the Roy Rogers Show.[2] It’s a soothing, feel good song, which seems rather inappropriate for a word to the weary:

 “Happy trails to you, until we meet again. Happy trails to you, keep smilin’ until then.
Who cares about the clouds when we’re together? Just sing a song and bring the sunny weather.”

But listen to the song’s second verse:

“Some trails are happy ones,
Others are blue.”

Roy and Dale, married for 50 years, had plenty of “blue” trails—three prior, short, failed marriages for Dale beginning at age 14; the death in childbirth of Roy’s first wife; the death from mumps’ complications of toddler daughter Robin (with Down Syndrome); and the deaths of two of their adopted children—12-year-old Debbie in a bus accident; and son Sandy, who choked to death while serving in the U.S. Army. [3]

I can only imagine how many times this couple reminded themselves of the rest of that verse:

“It’s the way you ride the trail that counts.”

Faith and perseverance were the way Roy and Dale rode all those “blue” trails– the ones we know about…and all the ones the public never saw.

I don’t know if the couple ever saw this quote from Dutch Holocaust survivor Corrie Ten Boom, but I am certain they experienced her words:

Your trail might be blue, or grey…or even a coal-black pit, but I believe with all my heart that God’s love for you and your loved one always is deeper still.  When you “ride” life’s trails (or should I say TRIALS?) trusting in the Lord, He will shelter and protect your aching heart.

“His house is my shelter and secret retreat.
It is there I find peace in the midst of storm and turmoil.
Safety sits with me in the hiding place of God.
He will set me on a rock, high above the fray.” Psalm 27:5 The Voice Bible

Happy Trails–of shelter, peace and safety–to you, my friend…until we meet again.

+++++++++++Excerpted from Peace in the Face of Cancer ©Lynn Eib 2017++++++++++++++++++

[1] I laugh whenever I recall this incident because I’ve looked up Roy’s birthdate and know he was about to turn 58– obviously “really old” to my almost 16-year-old eyes!

[2] You can listen to the original version with Roy, Dale and Roy Rogers Jr. “Dusty” online at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgw_yprN_-w

{3] Together Roy and Dale raised nine biological/adopted children, including Dodie, who was in the church’s youth group with me, but we weren’t friends until FB. 🙂 She is Choctaw Native American and Roy had that same heritage on his mother’s side.

Open https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLfnDrK4eJs&list=RDqLfnDrK4eJs&start_radio=1 in your browser to hear “Psalm 27 (The Lord is My Light)”  ©2024 Getty Music Hymns and Songs (ASCAP), Getty Music Publishing (BMI), Jordan Kauflin Music (BMI), Laura’s Stories and Songs (ASCAP), Matt Merker Music (BMI) (all adm at CapitolCMGPublishing.com)

 

Jan 14

Praying, Posting and Megan’s Update

So if you knew that there was a very strong possibility someone was planning on breaking into your home and stealing some of your precious possessions, what would you do?

Would you do nothing? Or would you try to prevent this from happening?

Personally, I first would pray.

And then I would get very busy.

Installing dead bolts, an alarm system, security cameras, motion detectors, door/window sensors, timers for lights, and maybe even recording a barking dog! I would spare no expense in making my home as secure as possible. I believe my actions either would prevent a burglar from entering, or at least catch the thief.

When I worked as an oncology patient advocate, I often posed the “burglar” question to those who had or were considering genetic testing. Their results would reveal whether they had an inherited mutation, greatly increasing the risk of certain cancers. I told them that in my opinion, knowing was far better than not knowing because if there was an “enemy” lurking to steal their health, there were steps they could take to eliminate or at least reduce that cancer risk.

Still it’s usually a difficult, scary decision to have genetic testing and then get a proactive plan to deal with the consequences.

And that is one of the reasons I’m so proud of my new Polish friend Megan, who was diagnosed last spring with breast cancer while pregnant with her little girl. Subsequent genetic testing discovered she had inherited a BRCA1 mutation, which led to more tough decisions for the 37-year-old mother of two. Last month after successfully completing her chemo treatment, Megan underwent a prophylactic double mastectomy.

“I am full of hope and I hope to God that everything will work out,” Megan wrote me just before that successful surgery.

I love this sweet young woman’s “Nehemiah” attitude. And by that I mean, she personifies one of my favorite verses:

 But we prayed to our God and posted a guard day and night to meet this threat.–Nehemiah 4:9

If you’re not familiar with Nehemiah’s story, this verse describes his response to enemy threats to the Jews rebuilding of the wall around Jerusalem. He prayed and then he posted people to guard the work.

What a great balance of faith and effort.

“Our prayers do not replace our actions; they make our actions effective for God’s work.”
–Enduring Word, Nehemiah Commentary

 Throughout Megan’s unwanted journey, she has clung to faith and taken steps to protect her health.

I don’t know what threatens your peace, but I hope you will respond like Nehemiah, with praying and posting a guard. Your prayers don’t replace your actions, but they certainly make them more effective for God’s work.

Next week on Jan. 19, Megan will have both her ovaries removed, as she posts another guard. Will you please join me in praying for her?
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Please open in your browser to be inspired by Lincoln Brewster’s “While I Wait.”

 

Dec 31

The 100% True Fortune Cookie

(I’m intentionally keeping today’s blog and song quite short because it’s New Year’s Eve and well, you  and I might have other important things to do…like cheer for my Ohio State Buckeyes in the CFP quarterfinals!)

But I just had to share the fortune I recently received in my cookie:

Yeah, I bet it will. And so will February, March, April, May…and every other month. Finally, a fortune that is absolutely 100% accurate!

I love the idea of spiritual growth and am so excited about my ladies’ Bible study beginning to study the Letter to the Romans next week. When I teach little kids at Refuge Church each Sunday morning, I find myself learning right along with them. Reading God’s Word, singing praises to the Lord and hearing messages of truth are all favorite ways to stretch my faith, BUT…

I must admit that I’m not as excited about other possible avenues for spiritual growth.

Heartaches, disappointments, betrayals, losses–the list is endless. So many difficult situations in which we find ourselves or our loved ones.

Here’s the kind of prayer I have uttered in my darkest days: Lord, I do not understand why this is happening. The pain feels more than I can bear and I can’t see how I’m going to get through it. There’s nothing good that I can imagine coming from this..BUT I choose to trust You even when it doesn’t make sense. And I choose to believe in Your love even though I can’t feel it. 

Yes, January will bring you–and me–opportunities (some happy and some sad) for spiritual growth. I pray I will:


(Happy New Year and GO BUCKS!!!)
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Please open the video in your browser to be encouraged by the acapella group Bliss Zimbabwe singing “Trials Make You Grow.” (3¼ min. long)

Dec 17

You Can’t Really Celebrate Christmas without Easter

Shortly after we moved to this area in 2015, we heard Lee Magness, a guest preacher at our new church say that he and his wife Pat had recently retired and relocated here to be near their grandchildren. I ran up to him after the service, introduced myself and asked if they wanted to join my husband and me in our brand new club: “Retired People Who Moved to Pottstown to be Near Their Grandchildren.”  He said “yes” and our very exclusive club (only four members) has been meeting regularly ever since! 

At one of our December “meetings” (the one after visiting Longwood Gardens for the Christmas lights), Lee gifted us a copy of his beautiful, original poem–(much more impressive than the homemade oatmeal I gave them.) I’m sharing the poem here as my Christmas gift to all of you. (If you were hoping for oatmeal, you’ll have to stop by my house.)

I love how Lee’s poem wonderfully entwines Christmas and Easter. It reminds me of the Apostle John’s description of that first Christmas as the time God encamped, tabernacled, pitched a human tent to make His home among us (John 1:14). I recommend reading the poem slowly to let the power of Lee’s words truly sink in.

ENCAMPMENT
So God stopped time for thirty-three years
And He pitched a tent of flesh
Which He unfolded one night
And enfolded the next

And that moment in which God tread time
Lasting from the darkness to the darkness
From the sunrise to the sunrise
Was called Jesus Christ

In great pain Mary labored over God
And suddenly in merciful agony
A man burst forth from the courtroom
Into the yard filled with a vicious mob

The mother knelt down
To wrap the baby in swaddling clothes
And they ripped them from his body
And kneeling down gambled them away

And because there was no room in the inn
She gently laid him
On the wooden beams of the cross
Where they nailed his reaching hands

And the animals heard the baby
And drew near hoping to be fed
And they bleated and bawled
Crucify him, crucify him

And the shepherds on the hillside
Came to see this thing
Which they thought would soon be past
And asked, Are you the King of the Jews?

And the wise men came to see Jesus
One brought spices, another perfumes
And a third removed his golden crown
And jammed its thorns into his brow

And in that dark Judean night
The new-born baby cried out
Wanting protection from the cold wind
My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

And as the star stopped over the manger
There was darkness over the whole land
And just before the baby fell asleep
He softly cried, It is finished

And in that moment of ghastly glory
When Mary lay exhausted with an empty tomb
He said, I am the resurrection and the life
And in the next moment He redeemed the time
 ©1975 by Dr. J. Lee Magness

The birth of Jesus becomes worth celebrating when we fast-forward to His death and resurrection and see how He redeems–saves our souls–when we choose to follow Him.

So MERRY CHRISTMAS and a BLESSED EASTER!
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Every Christmas season I listen to all 2.5 hours of Handel’s Messiah on my old LPs…but did you know that George Frideric Handel wrote the 53-song oratorio for Easter, not Christmas?  The premier performance of Messiah was during Lent in Dublin, Ireland, on April 13, 1742, and at Handel’s request all performance proceeds were donated to prisoners, orphans and the sick.

The “Hallelujah Chorus” was performed for the first time in the U.S. on New Year’s Day 1863  at the Grand Jubilee Concert  in Boston, celebrating the news that Lincoln had signed the Emancipation Proclamation.
Please open the link below in your browser to be inspired by the Hallelujah Chorus. (Standing is optional 🙂 )