Mar 11

When “Normal” is No More

June 2020, first grandbaby

May 29, 2024, started out as a normal day for my dear friend Karen. She was ready to leave for her secretarial job at her normal time of 6:30 AM. She kissed her husband Tim goodbye as she normally did. He was in the kitchen making his normal cup of coffee.

No one knew it would be the last “normal” day of Tim’s life…or of Karen’s.

Apparently shortly after she left, Tim walked into the adjacent living room and collapsed with a massive stroke–his coffee still untouched.

And so began months of doctors, procedures, hospital stays, rehab…and prayers. First, that Tim would survive, and then that despite his left side paralysis, he could regain some physical abilities.

Tim worked tirelessly at long, intensive rehab sessions. It was really tough, but he made slow, encouraging gains.

Meanwhile, Karen started spiraling down.

“There are a mountain of things that are now my responsibility,” Karen texted me in June 2024.

I knew from our four decades of friendship that Tim, a Navy veteran and retired tool and die maker, took care of most of the household responsibilities–financial affairs, yard work, cooking, cleaning, car maintenance.

There was no time for Karen to grieve what the couple had lost. Being Tim’s caregiver was like another full-time job, as she tried to figure out what he could and couldn’t do, what he needed from her, and how to get help for both of them.

“I’m mostly imprisoned in my own house because Tim cannot be left alone and we can’t travel easily with a wheelchair,” she explained in an August 2024 text.

The normally witty, fun Karen slid into a very deep depression.

“I have failed my husband and my Lord so badly,” she told me. “I’ve been so broken, so angry and so resentful. Tim is still as sweet as ever…I am not.”

Karen saw a psychiatrist and started on an antidepressant, but there was no quick fix.

Almost two years later, not much has changed about the couple’s circumstances, but finally she can see some light–thanks to medicine, counseling and prayer…especially the prayers of others.

“Had I not been surrounded by good Christian friends and family praying for me every day, I am convinced I would still be in the darkness of depression and anger because I simply could not pray,” she explained.

Early on after the stroke, Karen said that she believed “one day I will be able to tell a triumphant story of Tim’s recovery.”

March 2026

I agree that Tim’s survival and recovery has been a miraculous one–especially as he has maintained much of his memory and all of his lovable personality.

But I wanted to write about Karen today because I believe she has a triumphant story of continuing recovery from the depths of despair.

I know she sees “failure” and “shame” in her life, but I see raw honesty, which always pleases God.

 “I’m clawing my way back one prayer, one verse at a time,” she confided.

If you or someone you love has ever struggled with depression, you understand how dark it can get. Maybe you or your loved one has a chronic illness/condition and realize life never will be “normal” again. Perhaps, like Karen, you are a worn out caregiver.

I hope you will join Karen in “clawing” your way back. Crying out for God’s strength and clinging to His loving promises…even from the depths. That, my friend, is how triumphing over darkness begins.

Deeper and deeper I sink into the mire; I can’t find a foothold.
I am in deep water and the floods overwhelm me…
Answer my prayers, O LORD, for Your unfailing love is wonderful. Psalm 69:2, 16

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 Please open in your browser to hear the song which Karen listened to in her darkest moments:
Desperate by Jamie MacDonald (with Lauren Daigle) © 2024 Capitol CMG, Inc.

Feb 25

The Day Tim Timmons Left Me Speechless

L. to R. Tim, Bob, me, Taylor Hughes

In the summer of 2023, I had the incredible privilege of meeting and sharing the stage with a musician-cancer survivor of whom I had never heard: Tim Timmons. We both were speakers for a three-day cancer survivors’ retreat held at NYT bestselling author Bob Goff’s southern California conference center.

Personally, as a longtime colon cancer survivor, Tim had my full attention when he spoke about how “Poop Happens!” When he sang his debut number, Cast My Cares, I knew I had found a new musical prayer. And when he shared that he was a 20+-year survivor of a rare, incurable cancer, diagnosed at age 25 and now the father of four, my heart felt a special connection.

But it was when he told a true story that I absolutely fell apart.

Tim shared how he’d written and recorded a song he thought was “really good,” but his record label did not agree. Eventually, he and his best friend, Bart Millard (lead singer for MercyMe) rewrote and recorded it on the band’s label.

And then for the 35 of us cancer survivors in the room, Tim played and sang the song…Even If.

I stood to my feet, lifted my hands and sang my heart out. I had no idea Tim had the initial inspiration for my favorite song…the one with which I closed all my “Morning of Hope” seminars. The one that always leads me to bask in holy presence. And now God had allowed me to know the song’s story and meet its creator.

Scheduled to speak next, I went on stage, but was sobbing so hard I was speechless.

“I’m wrecked,” I whispered to Tim as he hugged me.

And why am I sharing this personal story today?

Because if you’re seeking a word to the weary for yourself or someone you love, I’m recommending you go meet Tim Timmons…at the movies!

Last week my husband and I saw the new release I Can Only Imagine 2, starring Milo Ventimiglia (This is Us, Gilmore Girls) as Tim. (It was my first time at the local Movie Tavern, where the plush seats fully recline and when you press a little button, a nice young man brings you food and drink. Who knew???)

Anyway, I went through two or three tissues and I could hear my husband sniffling next to me. Tears of sadness and joy. Goosebumps of God’s goodness. Infusions of faith.

We both were a whole lot less weary.

If you can’t get to the movie theater, Tim has other ways to encourage you, including his weekly podcast https://www.10000minutes.com/ which discusses practical ways to “realign our lives with the way and heart of Jesus.” (You also can sign up for uplifting text messages and view short videos to help feel God’s nearness. And find Tim’s music at https://www.timtimmonsmusic.com/ )

When Tim was diagnosed in 2001, doctors gave him five years to live. He turned 50 this month and next week is the release of his book, Waking Up Again: A Journey of Grief & Gratitude, co-authored with wife Hilary.

The authors say: “This is not a book about cancer. It is about how to embrace the gift of waking up each day, knowing the presence of Jesus in times of sorrow, and His faithfulness when the future feels fragile.”

Tim Timmons has been waking up on “borrowed” time for more than two decades. Every day he takes a black marker and makes an “X” on his right wrist, reminding himself that he’s been given the gift of another day.

I hope you’ll let his words/music/life “wreck” your weary heart with God’s love for you today.
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Open in your browser to hear Make it Well, the newest MercyMe song, co-written by  Bart Millard / Ethan Hulse / Tim Timmons https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLrF-ml7uks

Feb 11

Who’s Taking Care of YOU?

Do you know what to do if you’re on an airplane and there’s a sudden loss of cabin pressure?

Image by Orna from Pixabay

Scream? Pray? Help other passengers?

All good ideas, but if you paid attention to the flight attendant before takeoff, you know to “secure your own oxygen mask first before you help others.” 

Thankfully, I’ve never been on a plane experiencing a sudden loss in cabin pressure, but hearing a diagnosis of cancer or facing some other life-altering situation in your life or your loved one’s certainly can make one feel faint.

It’s common for folks to feel exhausted while caring for a cancer patient…or aging parents…or special needs children…or a loved one with a chronic condition…or grandchildren caught in a nasty divorce. The weeks, months or even years of loving support can weary anyone.

Many years ago I remember being awakened–yet again– in the middle of the night hearing my father-in-law in his bedroom below us. When I checked, I found him sitting stark naked on the bed. I asked him about his clothes to which he replied: “Ralph took them off.”

I redressed him, went back upstairs, chided my husband for disrobing his dad and tried to get back to sleep before I had to get three little girls ready for school.

I’ve been a caregiver for family members—either unwell physically or mentally—for most of the past three decades. I’ve had a relative with dementia living in our home for years and I’ve made bi-weekly seven-hour car trips for months to be with a relative undergoing chemo. I’ve been so physically fatigued I had to literally crawl up the second-floor stairs and I’ve been so emotionally exhausted I’ve spent hundreds of dollars pouring out my woes to a counselor.

Being a caregiver is incredibly hard…I get it.

But I also know we make the task even more difficult when we fail to take good care of ourselves. Do you know what Jesus said the two most important commandments are? First, “Love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength” and second, “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

Don’t miss those last two words: “as yourself.” It doesn’t just say to “love your neighbor.” It says we need to love ourselves. In fact, we can’t really love other people if we don’t love ourselves.

It is not selfish of you to do something refreshing, rejuvenating or relaxing for yourself. You cannot “fill up” your loved one when both of you are running on fumes. 

I remember when I settled my mother’s estate after she lived the last years of her life in a wonderful continuing care retirement community. There was a whopping $900 left.

I gave our three girls $100 each and told them to treat themselves. I gave my brother $300 and told him to do the same. And then I took my $300 and went to Hershey Spa for the day. I’m positive that my mom–a very frugal person–approved of my splurge.

If you can’t leave your family member alone, this is the time to call in one of those offers of help that others have made.  Watch a funny movie, enjoy a massage, go fishing, get a pedicure, take a walk, hit a bucket of balls, catch a nap. Do something to lift your spirits so afterward you can once again lift someone else’s.

And please cut yourself some slack as you wait for your caregiving burden to ease.  Here’s a prayer from the song “Make it Well” by MercyMe*:

I need a peace that only Heaven knows
Jesus, could you please
just sit and cry with me
Till I can sing
Till I can sing
It is well with my soul.

++++++++++++++++++Excerpted from Peace in the Face of Cancer ©Lynn Eib 2017+++++++++++++
* Please open in your browser https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLrF-ml7uks&list=RDxLrF-ml7uks&start_radio=1  to hear  “Make it Well” by MercyMe (from their new film “I Can Only Imagine 2” in theaters Feb. 20).

Jan 28

Riding a “Blue Trail”

Christmas ’59

It was the fall of 1969 during my senior year of high school and my family was newly attending a small church in Apple Valley, California. One Sunday morning the four of us traipsed into the little sanctuary toward a partially filled row. My eighth-grade brother Jim tried to squirm past me to get to the row first. Like a typical, annoyed older sister, I insisted he sit by Dad like he always did.

After we were seated, I silently snickered as I, the cool, know-it-all teenager, sized-up the man on my left: cowboy boots; bolo tie; gold wristwatch with big red gems and a bear head. Looks like a real country hick.

I finally glanced at his face and whispered to my little brother, “Doesn’t this guy look like Roy Rogers if Roy Rogers was really old?”

My brother’s bony elbow jabbed my ribs as he loudly whispered back, “You stupid, that is Roy Rogers!”

I gulped, scooted my chair closer to our childhood idol, and when Roy offered to share his hymnal with me, I held a corner of it and sang my heart out with the King of Cowboys![1]

I hope you know the “Happy Trails” melody which signed off TV episodes of the Roy Rogers Show.[2] It’s a soothing, feel good song, which seems rather inappropriate for a word to the weary:

 “Happy trails to you, until we meet again. Happy trails to you, keep smilin’ until then.
Who cares about the clouds when we’re together? Just sing a song and bring the sunny weather.”

But listen to the song’s second verse:

“Some trails are happy ones,
Others are blue.”

Roy and Dale, married for 50 years, had plenty of “blue” trails—three prior, short, failed marriages for Dale beginning at age 14; the death in childbirth of Roy’s first wife; the death from mumps’ complications of toddler daughter Robin (with Down Syndrome); and the deaths of two of their adopted children—12-year-old Debbie in a bus accident; and son Sandy, who choked to death while serving in the U.S. Army. [3]

I can only imagine how many times this couple reminded themselves of the rest of that verse:

“It’s the way you ride the trail that counts.”

Faith and perseverance were the way Roy and Dale rode all those “blue” trails– the ones we know about…and all the ones the public never saw.

I don’t know if the couple ever saw this quote from Dutch Holocaust survivor Corrie Ten Boom, but I am certain they experienced her words:

Your trail might be blue, or grey…or even a coal-black pit, but I believe with all my heart that God’s love for you and your loved one always is deeper still.  When you “ride” life’s trails (or should I say TRIALS?) trusting in the Lord, He will shelter and protect your aching heart.

“His house is my shelter and secret retreat.
It is there I find peace in the midst of storm and turmoil.
Safety sits with me in the hiding place of God.
He will set me on a rock, high above the fray.” Psalm 27:5 The Voice Bible

Happy Trails–of shelter, peace and safety–to you, my friend…until we meet again.

+++++++++++Excerpted from Peace in the Face of Cancer ©Lynn Eib 2017++++++++++++++++++

[1] I laugh whenever I recall this incident because I’ve looked up Roy’s birthdate and know he was about to turn 58– obviously “really old” to my almost 16-year-old eyes!

[2] You can listen to the original version with Roy, Dale and Roy Rogers Jr. “Dusty” online at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgw_yprN_-w

{3] Together Roy and Dale raised nine biological/adopted children, including Dodie, who was in the church’s youth group with me, but we weren’t friends until FB. 🙂 She is Choctaw Native American and Roy had that same heritage on his mother’s side.

Open https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLfnDrK4eJs&list=RDqLfnDrK4eJs&start_radio=1 in your browser to hear “Psalm 27 (The Lord is My Light)”  ©2024 Getty Music Hymns and Songs (ASCAP), Getty Music Publishing (BMI), Jordan Kauflin Music (BMI), Laura’s Stories and Songs (ASCAP), Matt Merker Music (BMI) (all adm at CapitolCMGPublishing.com)

 

Jan 14

Praying, Posting and Megan’s Update

So if you knew that there was a very strong possibility someone was planning on breaking into your home and stealing some of your precious possessions, what would you do?

Would you do nothing? Or would you try to prevent this from happening?

Personally, I first would pray.

And then I would get very busy.

Installing dead bolts, an alarm system, security cameras, motion detectors, door/window sensors, timers for lights, and maybe even recording a barking dog! I would spare no expense in making my home as secure as possible. I believe my actions either would prevent a burglar from entering, or at least catch the thief.

When I worked as an oncology patient advocate, I often posed the “burglar” question to those who had or were considering genetic testing. Their results would reveal whether they had an inherited mutation, greatly increasing the risk of certain cancers. I told them that in my opinion, knowing was far better than not knowing because if there was an “enemy” lurking to steal their health, there were steps they could take to eliminate or at least reduce that cancer risk.

Still it’s usually a difficult, scary decision to have genetic testing and then get a proactive plan to deal with the consequences.

And that is one of the reasons I’m so proud of my new Polish friend Megan, who was diagnosed last spring with breast cancer while pregnant with her little girl. Subsequent genetic testing discovered she had inherited a BRCA1 mutation, which led to more tough decisions for the 37-year-old mother of two. Last month after successfully completing her chemo treatment, Megan underwent a prophylactic double mastectomy.

“I am full of hope and I hope to God that everything will work out,” Megan wrote me just before that successful surgery.

I love this sweet young woman’s “Nehemiah” attitude. And by that I mean, she personifies one of my favorite verses:

 But we prayed to our God and posted a guard day and night to meet this threat.–Nehemiah 4:9

If you’re not familiar with Nehemiah’s story, this verse describes his response to enemy threats to the Jews rebuilding of the wall around Jerusalem. He prayed and then he posted people to guard the work.

What a great balance of faith and effort.

“Our prayers do not replace our actions; they make our actions effective for God’s work.”
–Enduring Word, Nehemiah Commentary

 Throughout Megan’s unwanted journey, she has clung to faith and taken steps to protect her health.

I don’t know what threatens your peace, but I hope you will respond like Nehemiah, with praying and posting a guard. Your prayers don’t replace your actions, but they certainly make them more effective for God’s work.

Next week on Jan. 19, Megan will have both her ovaries removed, as she posts another guard. Will you please join me in praying for her?
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Please open in your browser to be inspired by Lincoln Brewster’s “While I Wait.”