Category: strength

Jan 09

Being Optimistic Doesn’t Always Make It Better

 

It’s often said that there are two kinds of people in life: optimists and pessimists. You probably think I’m going to tell you to be an optimist, but I’m not. And that’s because optimism will not always change the inevitable. Take the case of the optimist who fell out of the twelfth-story window. As he went by the fifth-story, he looked around, smiled and said to himself, “So far, so good!” 

I think the best attitude for someone facing cancer or any other serious illness is neither total optimism (without a doubt, I’m going to be cured) nor total pessimism (without a doubt I’m going to die), but realism (without a doubt I have a life-threatening illness and I may or may not get better, so I will plan for both).

When we insist we are going to be cured, we set ourselves up for a terrible defeat if it doesn’t happen. On the other hand, if we insist our situation is hopeless, we already are defeated before we start. I believe it’s best to be realistic and make plans to be financially, emotionally and spiritually ready to depart this life. That’s not giving up. It’s coming to grips with our own mortality, so we can really life fully without the fear of death.

There’s a difference between total optimism and a positive attitude. Total optimism says: “I’m absolutely, positively going to be cured.” A positive attitude says: “I hope and pray and even expect that I’m going to be cured–but even if I’m not, I will not be defeated.”

I’ve seen scores of people who refused to entertain that thought that they might not be cured because they wanted to remain totally optimistic. And when the healing didn’t come, they–and their loved ones–were devastated.  I also know scores of people whose situation was considered medically “hopeless,” but they continued to live life fully and some of them even went on to become cancer-free!

A totally optimistic attitude insists lemons have to get sweeter. A positive attitude adds some sweetener and makes lemonade out of the lemons.

So many things are out of our control when we or our loved ones are facing a serious illness. But we can control our attitude.

Author Chuck Swindoll has a wonderful description of the power of a positive attitude: “Words can never adequately convey the incredible impact of our attitude toward life. The longer I live the more convinced I am that life is 10 percent what happens to us and 90 percent how we respond to it. I believe the single most significant decision I can make on a day-to-day basis is my choice of attitude. It is more important that my past, my education, my bankroll, my successes or failures, fame or pain, what other people think of me or say about me, my circumstances, or my position. Attitude keeps me going or cripples my progress. It alone fuels my fire or assaults my hope. When my attitudes are right, there’s no barrier too high, no valley too deep, no dream too extreme, no challenge too great for me.” 

2 Corinthians 4:7-9 describes our troubled situations well: “We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair.  We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.”

Your heart needs to find the right attitude—a positive, realistic attitude because God will never abandon you.

Copyright 2002 by Lynn Eib . Excerpted from When God & Cancer Meet, Tyndale House Publishers.

Dec 19

Training Yourself to Be Invincible to Pain

 

Last week I shared with you my pastor’s thoughts on not being consumed with trying to make all our pain go away, but instead learning how to be invincible to it–“incapable of being conquered, overcome or subdued” by it.  Those who accomplish this “are an unstoppable force,” Pastor Brian said.

I’ve been trying to be invincible over the last nine months, which–without going into detail–have been and continue to be a huge health ordeal for my husband and me. Suffice it to say, that next to having cancer and chemo in 1990, this has been the most difficult year of my life.

And unlike Superman I wasn’t born “invincible,” so today I’m sharing some more of Pastor Brian Jones’ “pain” blog including my thoughts at the end. His words (in italics) have been a great reminder to me during this season of suffering and I pray they will be to you too.
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I know this sounds counter-intuitive – but I want to challenge you to pray a prayer of thanks right now for the pain you’re going through.

Thank God for your trials.

Thank Him for the person these trials are helping you become.

Ask Him to help you reinterpret the pain you’re going through, from viewing trials as “signs of His absence” to viewing them as “opportunities for His goodness.” Allow the Holy Spirit to train your mind to be “invincible”–unstoppable–to pain by seeing God’s presence in any and all our circumstances.

Sometimes the goodness of an event can be recognized immediately. Other things like problems with kids or a sickness can take years to put our finger on any silver lining.

And let’s be frank, some events will never be able to be viewed as blessings during our lifetimes. It will take standing next to Jesus Himself and having Him show us the big picture before we’ll be able to make sense of what happened.

Until then, let’s pray for the courage to pick up our crosses instead of walking around them. 
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If you are like me, the last thing you really want to do is pick up a cross. But it’s an action required of all true Christ followers: “Then (Jesus) said to the crowd, ‘If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me’.” (Luke 9:23, also Matthew 10:38, 16:24; Mark 8:34; and Luke 14:27).

I’ll readily admit that when it comes to my health–or my husband’s–I’m “selfish.” My prayers become very self-centered and self-serving: Heal me, Lord. Father, make this go away quickly. Jesus, restore him now (so I don’t have to be a constant caregiver!).

I’m always looking for quick fixes which will make me feel or my loved one better. But what if that’s not the cross God has for me to carry?

What if having to go to physical therapy so often causes me to develop friendships with people who need Jesus?

What if countless doctors’ appointment afford the opportunity for Christ to shine through me in those medical offices?

What if slowing down because of health limitations makes me rely more on the Holy Spirit’s power than my own strength?

What if all this waiting for test results and restored health is designed to help me be still and know that He is God?

What if the blessings I’ve been seeking are not as important as the ones my Heavenly Father has in store?

And as Laura Story sings in the video below: “What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?”

“Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s all for you who belong to Christ Jesus.”  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Brian Jones is the founding Pastor of Christ’s Church of the Valley in Royersford, PA, a graduate of Princeton Theological Seminary, and the author of four books. He’s also my pastor and most important of all, a huge Buckeye fan! Connect with him at  https://brianjones.com

Dec 12

Let’s Stop Trying to Make All Our Pain Go Away

 

Guest blog by Brian Jones

Our goal as disciples of Jesus shouldn’t be to eliminate pain.

Our goal should be to craft the kind of life that is invincible to pain.

Those who learn how to be invincible to pain–“incapable of being conquered, overcome or subdued”–are an unstoppable force.

This is what Jesus meant when he said, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me” (Matthew 16:24).

His challenge wasn’t to seek martyrdom – though that could certainly be part of the faith journey for a few – it was about being willing to endure pain as a disciple for his mission.

For disciples, being invincible to pain means they train themselves to view…

  • cancer as an opportunity
  • depression as a chance to view the world differently
  • work problems as openings to practice virtue
  • financial struggles as occasions to reassess what’s really important
  • relationship problems as a chance to learn something new

    Disciples allow nothing they face to deter them.

Instead of spending their days doing everything in their power to avoid all discomfort, they train themselves to no longer need comfort to function.

Think for a moment about how much of our lives is spent avoiding pain.

How much money have we spent on medications to drown out suffering?

How many vacations have we taken to distract us from our everyday problems?

Going to therapy to quickly stop a heartache instead of partnering with a therapist to teach us to sit with the pain a while and learn from it?

To be honest, I’ve wasted so much of my life trying to avoid pain that I have essentially earned a doctorate in pain avoidance. But that’s changing.

In my latest book Finding Favor: God’s Blessings Beyond Health, Wealth, and Happiness, I share that…“Between the ages of eighteen and forty-two, I could count on one hand the number of times I went to the doctor. But when I turned forty-three, for no apparent reason, I developed a severe neurological condition that triggered nonstop debilitating pain in the back-left base of my head. I went to three different specialists, and they were all baffled. Unable to find a cause, they put me on antiseizure medication.

Over the next five years, I underwent three surgeries, five MRIs, three CAT scans, and more ultrasounds and EKGs than I can remember. I had nine different rounds of medication administered via epidural injections in my back and neck. I lost most of the hearing in my left ear. I gained thirty pounds. I became depressed. I suffered extreme panic attacks. I went on an antidepressant. The pain became so severe that I could only sleep in forty-five-minute stretches before being jolted out of bed in pain.

My life verse throughout all of this was Job 13:15: “Though he slay me, yet I will hope in him.”

The turning point for me came when I realized that the Bible teaches that pain can be a blessing.

Pain is to be embraced.

Lessons are to be teased out of these experiences. They come to us to instruct in the way of Jesus.

Suffering makes disciples better, not worse.

One morning I woke up and simply said, “I am completely healed” and began thanking Jesus for what I was going through. Within one year, many of my symptoms disappeared. Those that didn’t have stayed on as my personal trainer in being invincible to pain. What I was truly healed of was my need for comfort above my need for Jesus.

Think about it: if pain can’t stop you, what does the enemy have left to throw at you?

You’re unstoppable.

NEXT WEEK:  PART II: “How to Train Yourself to be Invincible to Pain”

 

Brian is the founding Pastor of Christ’s Church of the Valley in Royersford, PA, a graduate of Princeton Theological Seminary, and the author of four books. He’s also my pastor and most important of all, a huge Buckeye fan! Connect with him at  https://brianjones.com

 

Nov 07

Kudos to Caregivers!


In honor of November being National Family Caregivers Month, I’d like to offer some special encouragement to all the weary folks who faithfully attend to the needs of loved ones.

You’re physically tired. Probably emotionally exhausted. Maybe even running on spiritual fumes. Been there…done that. Way too many times. I’ve cared for relatives with dementia, others with cancer, COPD, and failing kidneys.

I spent several months last winter caring for my husband through his bilateral knee replacements, surgical hematoma evacuation and physical therapy. My caregiving turn should have been done for a while, right? Nope. Had to do it all over again this summer when one knee got infected, the prosthesis had to be removed and eventually replaced (after six weeks of immobilization and daily antibiotics administered via PICC line by guess who?) And it certainly didn’t help my caregiving stamina when less than 48 hours before my husband’s second surgery, I was diagnosed with Lyme disease. (I was feeling as if there was a bull’s eye on my back literally and figuratively!)

Did I mention that in the middle of caring for my husband, our 12-year-old cat, Ty, started losing weight and acting strange? I tried coaxing him to eat with all sorts of special treats and offered my best TLC for weeks, but it was cancer and we had to put him to sleep.

Still, I am a fortunate caregiver because all the sick folks I’ve cared for have been appreciative of my efforts and told me so.  (Even the cat purred right up until the end. 🙂 ) Maybe you’ve been thanked for your efforts, but some of you are caring for people who either can’t or won’t express gratitude for your sacrifices..and that makes it all the more difficult.

I’d like to share with you Jesus’ words in Matthew 25:31-40 because I believe they contain wonderful encouragement for caregivers.

“But when the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit upon his glorious throne. All the nations will be gathered in his presence, and he will separate the people as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats.  He will place the sheep at his right hand and the goats at his left.

 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the creation of the world.  For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’

 “Then these righteous ones will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink?  Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? When did we ever see you sick or in prison and visit you?’

“And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’”

Imagine that. Jesus says that He sees all the “little” things we do for others and promises we will be rewarded for those good deeds. And even more amazing, He tells us that every time we perform one of these actions, we really are doing it for Him.

When you took time off work to go to the doctor with your loved one, you did it for Jesus.

When you spent all that time fixing food you hoped would nourish them, you did it for Jesus.

When you got up in the middle of the night to get their pain medicine, you did it for Jesus.

When you rubbed a back, cooled a brow, cleaned up a mess or sat through yet-another tedious test, you did it for Jesus.

Whether or not you got any thanks from your loved one here and now, Jesus saw your kindness and He will bless you for it. After all, you did it for Him.

To enjoy Scott Wesley Brown’s “The Language of Jesus is Love,” open in your browser or use this link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYucfd-5QUQ

 

Oct 17

But God Had Other Plans…

Once upon a time there was a newspaper reporter who simply loved reporting news. She didn’t want to make up stories or even write non-fiction books. She just wanted to stick to the facts and report the news–hopefully someday for the New York Times. But God had other plans.

When she was 36, the doctors told her that she had cancer and the odds she would die were greater than the chance she would survive. But God had other plans.

This newspaper reporter recovered from her surgery and chemotherapy and went back to reporting the news. She was happy doing that. But again, God had other plans.

Her oncologist hired her to offer emotional and spiritual support to his cancer patients and their caregivers. She wasn’t sure exactly how to do that, but she faithfully wrote down many of the conversations she had with these hurting people. She thought it was silly that she couldn’t stop being a reporter and taking these “unnecessary” notes. But God still had other plans. 

A few years later an author-friend told the reporter-turned-advocate that all these notes would make a great book. She protested that she could never write a book. But God had other plans.

So she penned her first manuscript, insisting that every single detail be accurate–just like her news stories. She reported on amazing ways she had seen God touch people’s lives–emotionally, spiritually and physically. And she told the truth that sometimes God takes the cancer out of us and sometimes He takes us out of the cancer.  She thought people wouldn’t like to hear this truth and wouldn’t read her book. But God once again had other plans.

One day the reporter-turned-advocate-turned-wannabe-author got a call from the acquisitions editor at Tyndale House Publishing saying  she liked the manuscript and hoped to publish it. The editorial and sales departments gave it thumbs up too. However the publishing department turned it down, saying “It’s a good book, but the author is unknown and it will be lucky to sell 5,000 copies over its lifetime.” But God had other plans.

The editorial people played their ace-in-the-hole card on the wannabe-author, overrode the publication decision and in 2002 had 5,000 copies of When GOD & Cancer Meet printed. Everybody, including the publishing people and the reporter-turned-author knew it would take a long, long time to sell that many. But not surprisingly, God had other plans.

Within a few weeks, a second printing was ordered and this past week the reporter-turned-jubilant-author got word from Tyndale that the book’s 17th printing had been released, raising the total number of copies in print to just over 100,000.

 

Dear friends, I don’t know what God’s plans are for your life any more than I could foresee His plans for mine.  I shared my story with you today in hopes it would encourage you that God is in control and more powerful than any earthly predictions, statistics, or roadblocks. No matter what happens–or doesn’t happen–in your life, don’t despair.

Instead do as Psalm 33:3-5, 10-11  says:
 “Sing a new song of praise to Him;
    play skillfully on the harp, and sing with joy.
 For the word of the Lord holds true,
    and we can trust everything He does.
 He loves whatever is just and good;
    the unfailing love of the Lord fills the earth…
The Lord frustrates the plans of the nations
    and thwarts all their schemes.
 But the Lord’s plans stand firm forever;
His intentions can never be shaken.“

And please join me in praising God that He had “other” plans for my life.
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View this email in your browser to hear the song “Trust” by Hillsong or use this link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=En4LGz5N8T8