Category: families

Dec 29

What We All Really Need

He likes sweet. I like salty.

He thrives on change. I seek routine.

He favors the East Coast. I prefer the West.

He is impulsive. I have to plan to be spontaneous.

But we do agree on this: We’re still very much in love.

Forty-eight years ago on this date we said “I do,” and like most starry-eyed twenty-somethings had no inkling what we were really signing up for. More than three decades of pastoral ministry, a serious cancer scare, three daughters, seven grandkids, a bunch of moves, and a too-long pandemic later, we now are smart enough to know how uncertain the future really is. And thankfully, we’ve learned to laugh about (most of the time!) and appreciate how opposite we are.

“attract-1” by daynoir is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

Ever notice how often opposites do attract? Not just in marriage, but in friendships too. Some of my closest female friends are very different from me. But there’s one I call when I want to laugh. Another I reach out to if I’m discouraged. Still another I call when I need prayer.

I once heard the husband-wife author team of Gordon and Gail MacDonald say that we all need people different from us “to help us hear the full counsel of God.” And when we are going through weary times, I believe, we especially need to hear others speak God’s hope, peace and truth to us.

Author Chris Tiegreen says “one of the greatest things we can do for people in need of God is to be there–to be present, in the context of problems and pain, carrying the counsel and companionship of God wherever we can.”

I love that phrase: “the counsel and companionship of God.” That’s what my wonderful husband has offered me as he helps me see a situation from a different perspective or loves me when I’m not very lovable. It’s what my family and dearest friends continue to offer me in this crazy, messed-up world.

So what do you need today? Someone to be present in your weary life, giving you the counsel and companionship of God? If so, take heart that God will provide as He did for the Apostle Paul:

“But God, who encourages those who are discouraged,
encouraged us by the arrival of Titus.
His presence was a joy…” 2 Corinthians 7:6-7

Or do you need to be the presence in someone’s weary life, tendering God’s love to them?

Jesus explained this to His disciples in John 13:34.
“So I give you a new command:
Love each other deeply and fully.
Remember the ways that I have loved you,
and demonstrate your love for others in those same ways.” (The Voice Bible)

The presence–literally or figuratively–of another human being willing to be a conduit for God’s presence can change everything. I encourage you to pray that your weary heart will receive “the counsel and companionship of God” from someone who cares about you, or that you will offer those two gifts to a weary soul who really needs them.

(And please join me today in thanking God for my 48 years of love with my opposite.)
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Be sure to open in your browser to hear the music video “Weary Traveler” by Jordan St. Cyr

 

 

 

 

 

Dec 15

Grieving something or someone this Christmas?

I thought it wouldn’t.

But it did.

It happened again.

Kenny G was belting out jazzy, holiday cheer. A burning candle wafted a delicious candy cane scent. I was by myself happily decorating our house for Christmas. I lifted a slightly torn, rectangular box out of the large plastic storage bin and chuckled to myself. This box has to be more than 60 years old!

Carefully wrapped inside was a slender, shiny, tree topper that graced my parents’ Christmas trees for decades. It wasn’t the original which came in the now-yellowed box, but a replacement topper my folks decided to store there after the first one broke. (I can just hear my Mom saying: Why throw away a perfectly good box?)

I lovingly placed the topper in my mom’s antique glass pitcher filled with some of my parents’ old ornaments, stepped back and approvingly surveyed my decorating.

 And then it started. A lump in my throat. I swallowed hard, but it grew. I felt my eyes misting and then hot, tears began to sting as I tried to hold them back.

I miss my mom and my dad. I don’t want their ornaments…I want them! 

I sat down on the couch and wept.

And that’s what grief does to us. It catches us when we’re not expecting it and won’t let go until we’ve allowed it to have its say.

Have you experienced grief sneaking up on you? A sound, a smell, a word, a photo. Something triggers a memory or thought and you come undone.

Maybe you’re grieving the loss of health or a job. Maybe it’s the first Dec. 25 a certain smiling face won’t be in your home. Or maybe it’s been 20 years, but you still yearn for one more holiday with them.

Or maybe the persons you’re missing haven’t passed away, but circumstances are separating you this year. It just doesn’t seem right you won’t be together. That’s grief you’re feeling, too.

Connie Milchling, author, speaker, ministry director

My friend Connie, whose husband Brad literally dropped dead of a heart attack in 2004 at age 47 recalls that she didn’t feel like celebrating Christmas just three months after his passing.

“I felt horrible because I did not want to celebrate Jesus’ birth because of Brad’s death,” admitted Connie.

But a good friend gave her some insight which helped ease that holiday pain.

“Do you know what Jesus is doing this Christmas season?” the friend asked Connie.

Connie shook her head “no.”

“He’s weeping…He’s weeping with you.”

Connie said that mental image of Jesus shedding tears for her helped to stop the worrying about all the unwanted holiday celebrations. Instead, she prayed: “Just for today, I need to see Jesus. Just for today, I need to seek Jesus. Just for today, I need to serve Jesus.”

Are you grieving something or someone this Christmas? Jesus–the whole Reason for the Season–is weeping with you.  Remember He understands your sorrow (Isaiah 53:3) even if no one else on earth really does. Why not share in Connie’s prayer that today you will see Jesus…today you will seek Jesus…today you will serve Jesus.

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” Psalm 34:18
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Be sure to open in your browser to hear “Be Still My Soul” sung by Libera, a British acapella boys’ choir.

Oct 13

Check-up Time: My Oncologist Has Cancer (Part 7)

Selfie with Elizabeth at the St. Lawrence River.

I haven’t posted anything since March about my oncologist/former boss/dear friend, Dr. Marc Hirsh, who was diagnosed 16 months ago with an extremely rare, large cancerous tumor behind his heart. Last month at his 6-month checkup with his Hershey Medical oncologist, Marc and his wife Elizabeth braced themselves for bad news, still clinging to hope that it wouldn’t come.

After all, when Marc was diagnosed in May of last year with a 12-cm neuroendocrine carcinoma of thymus origin, his future looked very bleak. Specialist after specialist shook their heads offering no chance of a cure or even a treatment with any real data to show it might help. They all thought he had very little time to live.

But God had other ideas.

Drum roll, please… CT scan showed NO TUMOR GROWTH! Here’s the actual text Marc sent me the next morning along with my immediate giph response of a dancing elderly woman (which I doubt he truly appreciated):

Obviously Marc was very happy with this news, although he’s not one to react quite as enthusiastically as some of us do.

“I just expected it (the tumor) would have modest growth the way some of these neuroendocrine tumors do,” Marc said in a recent phone conversation. “It still mystifies me with everything I know (about cancer). The way it presented and as sick as I was–everything pointed to an aggressive, rapidly growing tumor.”

Instead, since recovering from the “debulking” surgery (which reduced the mass to 8 cm), Marc has been feeling better. He devised his own treatment plan– radiation, oral chemo and hormone injections–which further shrank the tumor to 6 cm when he finished a year ago.

“I’m feeling good and I really feel stronger these last couple of months,” he said. “It makes me feel really grateful.”

My husband and I spent Labor Day weekend with Marc and Elizabeth at their beach house and we marveled watching him jog at a park and swim in the ocean, activities he couldn’t manage at the beginning of summer.

Image by Oleksandr Pyrohov from Pixabay

But even before he got the good report at Hershey, Marc said he “took a leap of faith” and made some plans for the future by buying a season skiing pass. He and his wife also purchased a small RV and have travel plans to sightsee.

Marc, 70, says he is even enjoying retirement, forced upon him when his diagnosis and poor health necessitated the immediate closure of his 31-year-old solo oncology practice.

“Up until a few months ago I really missed work and felt like a fish out of water, but I’ve kind of adjusted to it,” he said. “I find myself enjoying more leisure time reading, playing music, traveling and (being with) family.”

When I asked Marc how he explains his amazing recovery and the tumor’s stability, I could hear Elizabeth in the background yelling “God! God! God!”

“Yes, God,” Marc chuckled and added, “And I certainly don’t discount all the prayers, letters, support and love that was shown me in the healing process.

“I personally think it’s good to be open about what’s going on (during trials) so people can be supportive,” he added. “You have to be willing for people to help and care about you.”

LifeHopeandTruth.com

And as always, the scripture that keeps Marc grounded and “focused on the here and now” is from Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 6:31-34):

“So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’  These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.”

Amen to that.
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Whenever I write about Marc, I close with a song by Rich Mullins, his favorite Christian artist: “Where You Are.”

Jul 21

The God Who is Enough

When you believe in God, it can be hard to come to terms with the fact that He has allowed adversity to come into your or your loved one’s life. Author David Biebel talks about this fact in his book If God Is So Good, Why Do I Hurt So Bad? He says there are two truths suffering people have to reconcile: Sometimes life is agony, and our loving God is in control.

Think about it.

If God knows everything, this diagnosis did not surprise Him.

If God sees everything, He saw the bad news coming.

If God has power over everything, He could have stopped it.

But He didn’t.

Perhaps He didn’t stop you or your loved one from getting cancer or some other life-threatening disease. Or He didn’t keep  your spouse from leaving you. Or He didn’t end the lies your co-worker spreads about you. Or maybe He hasn’t answered your pleas to be blessed with a child or a life-partner. You know all too well that sometimes life is agony and you’re trying to wrap your head around the fact that a loving God is in control.

It’s times like these that we need to run straight into the arms of the God who is enough.

Photo by Felicia Buitenwerf on Unsplash

Throughout scripture we meet this God who is enough. In the Old Testament He drops food from the sky in the wilderness to teach the Israelites that He “could be trusted to provide exactly enough–maybe not what they wanted, but enough,” according to our church’s youth pastor Pete Waller, whose recent excellent message inspired this blog.

In the New Testament, Jesus takes a little lad’s lunch, blesses it and feeds thousands of hungry people with it–not to mention baskets of leftovers.

“Jesus knew that He would take what wasn’t enough and make it more than enough–not so they would know what He can do, but who He is,” Pete explained.

Jehovah Jireh: the God who provides. That Hebrew name is not just what our God does, it’s who He is: the God who will provide enough.

Will you believe that today? Will you choose to trust that God is enough for whatever you’re facing? The reality is that God’s Word never promises He will stop all the bad things from happening to us.  As The Message Bible explains in its paraphrase of 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 :

“We’ve been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we’re not demoralized;
we’re not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we’ve been spiritually terrorized.
But God hasn’t left our side; we’ve been thrown down, but we haven’t broken.”

Go ahead and hand Him your “not enough” and watch the Creator of the Universe transform it into enough… and even more than enough for whatever unwanted journey you’re on. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Be sure to open in your browser to hear the song “Jireh’ by Elevation Worship & Maverick City song by Brian Nhira.

Jun 23

An Inspiring Story from an Unlikely Survivor

Today I’d like to introduce you to “Crash,” a red-tailed hawk, who had the misfortune of colliding with a car this spring in Mercer County, PA, and had to be extricated  from the front bumper. The good news is that Crash survived his ordeal, was rescued and then taken to a wildlife rehab center.

Photo courtesy Tamarack Wildlife Center

However, the accident gave the hawk a concussion and damaged his wing, rendering him unable to fly well enough for release (after completing his concussion protocol, I assume 🙂 ). Thankfully, the staff at Tamarack Wildlife Center, a nonprofit wildlife rehabilitation and public education facility in the northwest corner of the state, knew just what to do.

Using the ancient art of feather-mending called “imping,” they replaced Crash’s damaged feathers with strong ones from a deceased hawk. The procedure involves inserting an imping needle, (a thin piece of wire, bamboo or some other material) into the shaft of both the damaged and the healthy feathers. The replacement feather is secured in place with adhesive, such as a fast-drying epoxy. Eventually the replaced feathers will be shed when the bird molts and regrows new feathers.

Interns (l. to r.) Madison Story and Natalie Seburia, photo courtesy Tamarack Wildlife Center

But in the meantime, Crash can inspire us all as he flies on “borrowed wings.”

Is there someone you know who has a “broken wing” and needs some of your “strong feathers” while they heal? I’m willing to bet that your gift/ability/expertise/time is the perfect match to help heal someone who is broken physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually. Why not ask the Lord today how He wants to use you to keep a loved one flying on borrowed wings?

Perhaps it’s something as simple as a phone call to let them know you care or a card of encouragement dropped in the mail. Maybe your “donated feathers” are a delivered meal, a gift card to make life easier, or the offer to run a specific errand. Perhaps what your friend or family member needs most for their brokenness is your prayers–shared in person, typed in a text or simply whispered to God’s ears.

Photo by Melanie Tepper, courtesy of Tamarack Wildlife Center

And if  you  are the one feeling the damage of not being able to do what you used to, will you swallow your pride and accept an offer of “borrowed feathers?” If you truly don’t have any such offers, please ask Jehovah Jireh, the LORD who provides, to send someone to answer that prayer until you can fly again (or learn to deal with just hopping around!)

Psalm 91:4 proclaims this truth about our God:
He will cover you with His feathers.
He will shelter you with His wings.
His faithful promises are your shield and protection.

Psalm 36:7 adds:
How precious is your unfailing love, O God!
All humanity finds shelter in the shadow of your wings.

I love the prayer and plan of David, the anointed king of Israel, when he was being pursued by a powerful enemy:

Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy!
I look to you for protection.
I will hide beneath the shadow of your wings until the danger passes by.
Psalm 57:1

How will you see God’s work in your life today? As the person  who provides borrowed wings? Or as the one who gratefully accepts them until the danger passes? Either way, you are in for a blessing, my friend.
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P.S. If you want to know the happy ending of Crash’s story, the hawk made a full recovery and last week was released into the wild flying high–as evidenced in the above photo of his maiden voyage on borrowed wings.  For more info about Tamarack Wildlife Rehab, see https://tamarackwildlife.org
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Be sure to open in your browser to hear the beautiful music video “Psalm 91” by New Creation Church.