Category: depression

May 20

Are you fearless because you fear less?

 

Any fears flooding your thoughts these days? Reading on-line obituaries to see who died from COVID-19? Scrolling Facebook to read the latest thing to worry about?

After my cancer diagnosis in 1990, every night I’d look in the local paper to see if someone I had treatment with had died or how many people listed had died from cancer. It was a depressing ritual, but one I found hard to break. I guess it was part of those early days when I let cancer consume my thoughts.

And thank goodness I had cancer “in the olden days” as I like to call them when I didn’t have Internet access in my home or at my fingertips on a mobile device. I’m pretty sure that vast amount of Web information would have made me feel even more overwhelmed. (I just Googled “colon cancer” and got 174 MILLION hits!)

Don’t misunderstand, I’m thrilled at all the information—and encouragement—that is available on the Web, but a good question to ask yourself after your on-line time is: Do I feel better or worse after what I’ve just read? If information makes you feel more equipped to fight cancer or the pandemic or whatever trial you’re facing these days, then search away! But if reading makes you feel overwhelmed or depressed or fearful, please don’t keep putting such stuff into your head–especially since not all of it is entirely accurate.

Instead, I would encourage you to fill your mind with the truth that the God who began creation by simply speaking words is a lot more powerful than any possible misguided cells within our bodies. He’s a lot more trustworthy than any statistics in a medical journal and way more knowledgable than anyone’s dire predictions.

So stop feeding your mind with a voice of fear and instead allow a strengthening fear to fill your being. I’m talking about the fear of the Lord.

It’s not a “fall down and shake because you’re afraid of getting zapped” kind of fear. It’s a Wow! kind, where you’re in awe and amazement and wonder and reverence of God because of what He has done and still can do.

It’s this “fear” that I have discovered reduces all the other fears.

I love how Psalm 112 describes us “fear-filled” people:

Happy are those who fear the Lord.
Yes, happy are those who delight in doing what he commands. . . .
When darkness overtakes the godly, light will come bursting in.
They are generous, compassionate, and righteous. . . .
They do not fear bad news;
they confidently trust the Lord to care for them.
They are confident and fearless
and can face foes triumphantly. Psalm 112:1,4,7-8

The Old Testament prophet Isaiah explained how he, too, learned to have the right kind of fear after God warned him that his country was going to be invaded.

The Lord has said to me in the strongest terms: “Do not think like everyone else does. Do not be afraid that some plan conceived behind closed doors will be the end of you. Do not fear anything except the Lord Almighty. He alone is the Holy One. If you fear him, you need fear nothing else. He will keep you safe.” Isaiah 8:11-14

I don’t know about you, but that’s one voice of fear I always want to hear because it makes me fearless and able to fear less.

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Be sure to open this blog in your browser to hear the music video “Oh My Soul” by Casting Crowns

 

Feb 19

How to Keep Calm and Carry On

 

What are your fighting against these days? Cancer? Addiction? Depression? Discouragement?

Or what are you fighting for?  Your marriage? A wayward loved one? Improved finances? Restored health?

Well, as the Brits like to say:

Seriously.

Keeping calm in the face of impending disaster actually is a recurring message throughout the Bible.

As the Israelites fled from Pharaoh’s enslavement, they panicked when the Egyptian army began overtaking them. “But Moses told the people, ‘Don’t be afraid. Just stand still and watch the LORD rescue today…The LORD himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.” (Exodus 14:13-14)

Sure enough, the Red Sea parted, the Israelites walked through on dry ground and then the waters rushed back, drowning all the pursuers.

There’s another great calming story  in 2 Chronicles 20. The short background is that the Jewish King Jehoshaphat was told that some great armies were coming to attack him. His response was not atypical from what ours might be—he “was terrified and begged the Lord for guidance.” Shortly, God answered his prayer by sending His Spirit to speak through one of the king’s men:

 He said, “This is what the Lord says: Do not be afraid! Don’t be discouraged by this mighty army, for the battle is not yours, but God’s. Tomorrow, march out against them… But you will not even need to fight. Take your positions; then stand still and watch the Lord’s victory. He is with you, O people of Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid or discouraged. Go out against them tomorrow, for the Lord is with you!” 

The king and his people believed God and began to worship Him, praise Him and sing to Him. At the very moment they did this, the Bible says God caused the approaching armies to fight amongst themselves and kill each other. The Israelites won the battle without a fight because God fought for them.

Standing still and being calm does not logically sound like a good way to win a battle. But then God’s ways are not always our ways, are they? The armies coming against the Israelites were way too large and powerful to be defeated. The situations were hopeless from God’s people’s perspective—but hope-filled from God’s vantage point.

Perhaps the problem  you or our loved one is facing seems too difficult or even hopeless. But as my pastor, Brian Jones, reminded our congregation recently: “Every miracle in the Bible is preceded by a problem.”

Whatever problem you are fighting against–or for–is setting the stage for God’s divine intervention. I can’t promise exactly how He will deliver–whether the situation will miraculously resolve or if He will supernaturally empower you to get through it.  But if you trust Him, you can keep calm and watch the Lord’s victory.

So stay calm, dear friend, and know that even if what you see doesn’t seem to make sense, God is fighting for you. And please remember…He’s never lost a battle.

(Be sure to open in your browser to hear the music video “Never Lost a Battle” by Elevation Worship.)

 

Feb 05

Dumping Our Anger

 

When I was in the hospital after my cancer surgery, a friend came into my room with a big smile and announced: “God is going to teach you great things through this trial!”

I wanted to take the IV out of my arm, stab it in hers, and tell her, “You get in the bed and learn great things from God, because I ­don’t want to learn this way!”

Of course, I didn’t say that. Instead I just smiled and hoped she would leave very soon.

If you had asked me in June of 1990 whether I was angry about the nightmare unfolding before me–stage 3 cancer at age 36 with three young daughters and a husband who already had buried his first wife--I would have insisted that I was not. After all, it’s not really proper for a Baptist minister’s wife to get angry, is it?

But as I look back on those dark days after diagnosis, I realize I experienced a bevy of emotions: shock, disbelief, denial, disappointment, frustration, sadness, worry and yes, anger.

I don’t know what deep suffering or  overwhelming struggles you’ve had to face. Maybe you’re not as angry as I was; perhaps you’re only just a tiny bit ticked. Then again, maybe “fury” better describes what you’re feeling today.

Where can you go to dump it?

I suggest you run where all those with great suffering need to run: to the only One whose shoulders are broad enough, whose arms are strong enough and whose love is deep enough.

“It’s all right—questions, pain, and stabbing anger can be poured out
to the Infinite One and He will not be damaged…
For we beat on His chest from within the circle of His arms.”
 Anne Cetas, Our Daily Bread.

Can you visualize that for yourself? You crying out to God, beating your clenched fists upon His chest and Him holding you in His loving arms.

            I am exhausted from crying for help; my throat is parched.
My eyes are swollen with weeping, waiting for my God to help me. Psalm 69:3

My God, my God, why have you abandoned me? Why are you so far away when I groan for help?
Every day I call to you, my God, but you do not answer.
Every night you hear my voice, but I find no relief. Psalm 22:1-2

And then after you’ve hurled your questions heavenward, don’t forget to go to God’s Word to find His response. A good place to start might be the promise He gave to Jeremiah, who was filled with so much grief he has been called “the weeping prophet:”

“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.
I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt…”
 Jeremiah 31:3, 4

I believe our heavenly Father is the best place to turn with our suffering. He’ll either give us the answers we seek, or the peace we need to live with the questions.

(Be sure to open this blog in your browser to hear the music video below “Cry Out to Jesus” by Third Day.)

 

Apr 10

Ever feel like you want to run and hide?

My grandchildren never seem to tire of playing hide ‘n’ seek. They love scurrying around to find a “a really good place” while admonishing my husband and me to “keep your eyes closed!” Eventually 4-year-old Abby yells out “Ready!” which makes it pretty easy to follow the sound of her voice to her not-so-hidden special spot.

Two-year-old Jack is the easiest to find because he usually hides in the same place and as soon as “Am-pop” or “Mee-muh” discover him, he squeals with delight. Six-year-old Ben gives us longer to hide as he doesn’t skip counting numbers the way his younger siblings do.

I remember our oldest daughter playing hide ‘n’ seek as a towheaded toddler. As long as she had her head underneath something, she thought she was hidden. Never mind that the rest of her was wriggling in plain sight! And I recall as a young girl playing hide ‘n’ seek with barefoot friends on summer evenings as fireflies lit up the dark sky. I’m pretty certain every generation has its memories of this iconic pastime. 

Of course, we adults still play hide ‘n’ seek, don’t we? We hide from worries we can’t interrupt or fears we can’t face. We may try to hide or emotions or our struggles. Maybe we hope no one finds us out.

Perhaps you’re not hiding, but you sure feel like you want to.

Last summer when my husband was dealing with a serious infection and facing a third knee replacement (yes, I said third), I came down with Lyme disease less than 48 hours before he went into the hospital for removal of his prosthesis. I felt so awful physically and so emotionally drained for my dear husband, and so mentally exhausted trying to get ready to care for an immobilized person for the next couple of months that I  wanted to find a “really good place” to hide. (And hoped that no one came seeking me unless it was a free, live-in maid and nurse!)

I can think of many other instances when life felt so overwhelming, I simply wanted to hide. When I was diagnosed with cancer. When there wasn’t enough money to pay the bills. When my mother died. When dear friends’ marriage crumbled. When people got upset and left our church.

But as Christ-followers we have to face reality and we can’t just run and hide…or can we?

That depends on where we are going to hide.

Hiding is not forbidden, says bestselling author Chris Tiegreen: “God allows it. His only request is that we hide ourselves in Him.”

Psalm 94:22 But the Lord is my fortress; my God is the mighty rock where I hide.

Psalm 143:9 Rescue me from my enemies, Lord; I run to you to hide me.

Psalm 57:1 Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy! I look to you for protection. I will hide beneath the shadow of your wings until the danger passes by.

Psalm 71:3 Be my rock of safety where I can always hide.

Next time life feels overwhelming, don’t just run away and hide, do as the song below says “Run to Jesus.” And as the second really short song (in wonderful four-part harmony!) reminds us, God is our “rock of ages” and it’s always good to hide ourselves in Him.

 

 

 

Jul 25

Encouraging a Depressed Loved One

 

The word “encourage” means to inspire or fill someone with courage, spirit or hope. But how in the world do you encourage someone who is depressed?

To answer that difficult question, I’d like to share some thoughts from the book New Light on Depression by David Biebel, D.Min. and Harold Koenig, M.D.

“Family members, loved ones, and friends should encourage depressed persons—to get up in the morning, to go out to dinner, to go to a movie, to exercise with them, to do the things their depression is preventing them from enjoying, and to seek professional help if they are not doing so already. Once depressed people get out and start moving they often feel a lot better. Encouraging, however is not the same as forcing, manipulating, or cajoling, nor will arguing about it help much…Here, again, discernment is crucial so that your suggestions are made in the right way at the right time, to ensure the greatest likelihood that they will be accepted.

“One way to encourage a depressed friend to get out (and to get help) is to find a good depression support group and invite your loved one to attend it with you.” [1]

Biebel and Koenig identify “four helping patterns” they have seen Christians employ with their depressed family and friends-only one of which really helps. These are:

  1. Judging (“Your problem is caused by sin or lack of faith”)
  2. Giving advice (“Cheer up—things could be worse!”),i
  3. Identification (sympathizing so much that you get sucked into the pit of depression, too) and
  4. Empathy (suffering together with the person).

According to the authors “Only empathy really helps.” [2] Empathizers deeply feel the other person’s pain, without making it their own.

“The empathizer goes and gets a ladder, puts it in the pit, and climbs down to be with the depressed person until he or she is ready to climb out,” the authors say. “The key difference is that the empathizer has a goal in mind—not just to feel the depressed person’s pain, but to also act in a sense as a redeemer, willing to pay whatever cost there is in order for the other person to be healed…

“If you are really going to help your loved one through and beyond depression, the only way is to lay aside your rights, by choice, with the goal of serving that person’s best interests until he or she emerges into the light of day again.” [3]

Got a ladder? Put it down in your depressed loved one’s pit, climb down with them and pray for them until they can climb out.

Save me, O God, for the floodwaters are up to my neck.
 Deeper and deeper I sink into the mire; I can’t find a foothold.
I am in deep water, and the floods overwhelm me.
I am exhausted from crying for help; my throat is parched.
My eyes are swollen with weeping, waiting for my God to help me… 
Answer my prayers, O Lord, for your unfailing love is wonderful.
Take care of me, for your mercy is so plentiful.
Don’t hide from your servant; answer me quickly, for I am in deep trouble!
 Come and redeem me; free me from my enemies. Psalm 69:1-3, 16-18

O LORD my God, I cried to you for help, and you restored my health. Psalm 30:2

[1] David B. Biebel and Harold G. Koenig New Light on Depression: Help, Hope, and Answers for the Depressed and Those Who Love Them (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan Publishing House), 2004, 233.
[2] Ibid, 246.
[3] Ibid, 248-249.

If the music video doesn’t automatically load, open in your browser or click here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0PCblOjOxg