Category: trust

Nov 18

When Life Gets “Really Messed Up”

In 2006 Debbie was the 39-year-old mother of a toddler daughter, and she and husband Karl wanted one more child.

Instead her life plans “got really messed up” when they learned she was pregnant with twins.

“That caused a lot of anxiety because I’m a planner and I was planning on having two kids, not three,” Debbie explained as we chatted recently at our favorite coffeehouse.

She delivered identical twin daughters with a combined birth weight of nearly 14 pounds and settled into caring for two newborns and a 3-year-old. But at 4 months, the twins were not hitting expected developmental milestones.

“Even though the doctor wasn’t concerned, I kept feeling that something was off,” Debbie recalled.

At the age of 1 neither Sydney nor Danielle could stand, and at 2 they still weren’t talking. Evaluations with early intervention and sessions with therapists produced no answers, but every specialist thought they might catch up.

And then Debbie’s life plans got shattered when a new doctor bluntly assessed the beautiful 2-year-olds, saying “they’re not going to catch up.”

Sydney & Danielle, 1 year old

“He took away all hope from us,” Debbie recalled. “Karl and I left that appointment and our world was rocked. I spiraled down to a really dark place with so much anxiety. Medication helped some, but I was waking up in the middle of the night with panic attacks.”

She called an old friend and asked how she overcame her anxiety.

“It’s going to sound silly,” the friend acknowledged, “but I started following Jesus.”

Meanwhile Debbie’s mother-in-law lovingly urged her “to let your worries go to God.”

That created a new problem because in college Debbie had begun questioning God’s existence.

But in spite of her doubts, in 2010 she visited a church near her home. There she joined a small group and was baptized, but privately wondered: if there is a God, why would He do this to me?

Front to back: Kiersten, Danielle & Sydney

In 2013 when the twins were 6, brain MRIs showed an anomaly called polymicrogyria*. Additional testing at 14 found a rare genetic mutation which shed more light on the girls’ intellectual disability, ADHD, speech/language impairment, and juvenile scoliosis.

Then in 2021, while still struggling with all the “normal” things her family couldn’t do, she joined my weekly women’s Bible study to get help understanding Scripture.

“Your group changed my life literally,” she told me. “At some point I started realizing that God has a purpose for everyone and mine is to help my girls become the best they can be.

“My anxiety about the twins’ intense physical and emotional needs is what really brought me back to faith,” Debbie explained. “Now just seeing how much they enjoy life and make people smile gives me great joy.”

“Mommy, look at the moon!”
“Ooooh, look! The sky is purple!”

“They see the beauty in everything of God’s creation,” Debbie said, “especially things we just take for granted.”

Despite the fact the twins will never “catch up,” they continue to learn new skills such as stocking shelves and try new activities like gardening at The Camphill School for special needs students.

2025 Debbie, Danielle, Kiersten, Karl & Sydney

And Debbie is especially grateful for her “unplanned” family of three children because of the twins (now 18) impact on their big sister.

“If Kiersten were an only child, she would be so different,” Debbie said. “Because of them, she has become so compassionate.

“Having special needs twins was never my plan, but now I know God’s plan is for me to help them grow and become all they were meant to be,” she explained. “As long as I focus on that, I can handle the challenges and be at peace with our life, even though it is so different from that of our friends.”
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
*Polymicrogyria is a brain malformation characterized by excessive folds in the cerebral cortex. Poly (many)-micro (small)-gyria (folds)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Open in your browser to hear “Good Plans” by Red Rock Worship  © 2023 Songs of Red Rocks Worship Publishing /Be Essential Songs (BMI) (admin. at EssentialMusicPublishing.com); Redburns (ASCAP)
 

Oct 28

When God was Ten Days Late

I distinctly remember when God was late…in fact, I was certain He was exactly 10 days late.

Dec.’93

It was Christmastime 1993 and it appeared our family soon would be homeless.

Our home, which had been on the market for nine long months, finally had sold. But the house on which we had a contingency contract–and really wanted–was purchased 10 days earlier.

We had  to be out of our house in 60 days, but already had seen every house in our price range within the 100-mile radius of our girls’ school district. There absolutely was nowhere else to look.

I figured someone in our church family would take us in, although the five of us might have to split up.

I was crushed.

Really, Lord?  You couldn’t have saved that house for a measly 10 more days?  I whined,

Our Realtor said he would talk to a couple who had withdrawn their house from the market after only posting it for a week.

“Let me see if they’ll agree to just one showing,”  he suggested.

They did, so we saw the home and quickly made an offer.  However, selling their house was contingent on them getting to buy a specific nearby house.

As negotiations continued the next night between the two homeowners, I remember forcing myself to pray for God’s will to be done…when I really just wanted to beg Him to get us this house!

I was relieved when two contracts were signed that night and we had a place to live, but troubled because I couldn’t see how we could pay the extra $40 a month for the new mortgage.

Honestly, Lord, I still don’t  understand why You let us lose the other house. It had an in-ground pool and wouldn’t raise our payments. It would have been perfect, I whined again. 

I was about to find out how imperfect my plan had been.

Brian and Mary Reigart, the former owners, were a little younger than we, but their kids were much younger–4 and 1 compared to our girls, 11, 13, and 15. Our families hit it off and the Reigarts visited the small church my husband pastored.

“When we attended that Sunday morning, it was such a moving experience that I couldn’t stop crying,” remembers Mary. “You said it was the Holy Spirit.”

The Spirit kept touching the couple as they began attending regularly and asked Ralph to baptize them. Soon our kids were swimming in their in-ground pool and we were vacationing together–they paid for places we couldn’t afford and we provided three free babysitters, which Brian and Mary seemed to think was an even trade. (It was many years later when our girls realized they had been unpaid help…they thought they were just having fun with two adorable kids!)

“So many memories I treasure,” Mary said as the four of us recently enjoyed a 2.5-hour tea luncheon. We reminisced of days when Brian and Ralph ran the Pigeon Hills. And when Mary and I studied (and laughed) together in our Wise Women group.

Did I mention that immediately after we moved into our new house, I got a raise at work…yep, $40 a month. Oh, and a few months later we drove by the “lost” house and saw a huge sand mound in the front yard nearly obscuring the house. We never could have afforded that $10,0000 septic remedy.

I like how Brian summed up our 30-year friendship: “You never know how God will be working. Even while we were taking our home off the market, God brought the Eibs into our lives to purchase it. And through that process He started a relationship which has blessed our family for 30 years and it is still going strong.”

I think I better retitle this blog: “When God was Right on Time.”
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Open in your browser to hear a beautiful song which perfectly describes what I experienced when I thought God was ten days late. “Four Days Late” with Juanita Du Pleissis, ©1997 by C. Aaron Wilburn and Roberta Wilburn

 

 

Sep 30

Still Learning to Love (and Live) Like Carolyn

Last month when Carolyn Dunn, my dear friend of 40+ years had a biopsy to diagnosis the “spots” on her liver and pancreas, we prayed it would be “just” lymphoma.

It was not.

Instead, she and husband David, a retired pastor, received what most would consider a devastating diagnosis–Stage 4 pancreatic cancer.

“I was stunned,” Carolyn said when she called with the CT scan news, which first revealed the lesions.

The couple, married 62 years, had been spending the summer at their remote, lakeside Maine cabin, affectionately named Dunn Inn. Their family took turns visiting and enjoying swimming, fishing, boating, lobster-eating and celebrating Carolyn’s 81st birthday.

In the spring, Carolyn had had stomach issues which seemed to resolve with medication, but in July the pain returned, along with a fever. After Maine ER docs and blood tests couldn’t find an answer, the Dunns headed back early to PA for more tests. That proved to be a wise decision as a CT scan revealed a pulmonary embolism (blood clot in the lung) and Carolyn was immediately admitted to the hospital.

After long conversations with her oncologist–a compassionate Christian man–Carolyn decided not to take chemo, but instead receive palliative (comfort) care.

I still am weeping.

I have considered Carolyn my mentor since David was on the committee which chose my husband in 1983 to pastor the new church plant in Spring Grove, PA. Ten years older than me, with three daughters–including a Bethany in the middle–Carolyn was the perfect wise woman from whom I could learn.

And learn I have.

I’ve watched her deal with the shock of teenage pregnancy, the pain of divorce, the estrangement of family, and the betrayals of ministry. And in each trial, she showed me how it looks to love unconditionally. To pray impossible prayers. To wait patiently on the Lord. To be the hands and feet of Jesus.

And in the good times (especially women’s retreats), I watched as she taught me to laugh at embarrassing moments–like when you’re fishing at your cabin and your husband bends over to tie up the boat, but you accidentally snag his underwear with your fishing hook, and then you’re laughing so hard you can’t get the hook out!

Now with this health news, I am watching my wise friend teach me to face my own mortality.

“I know my life is coming to an end, but I choose to focus on the goodness of God,” Carolyn said. “I want my life to bring glory to God–I want it to be a showcase for His glory!”

I am not surprised that Carolyn is facing death the same way she has faced life. What an incredible, eternal inheritance she is leaving her three daughters and their families, including seven granddaughters and six great-grandchildren (and yes, she finally got some boys!)

Casting Crowns’ lead singer Mark Hall has a beautiful song (video below) which says: “I don’t want to leave a legacy and I don’t care if they remember me–only Jesus.”

And then Hall’s song poses two great questions: “Did I live the truth to the ones I love?” and “Was my life the proof that there was only One whose name will last forever?”

Carolyn, just in case you ever wonder, I’d like to answer those questions for you.

YES, you lived the truth to the ones you love.

And YES, your life has been proof that there is only One whose name will last forever.

 I am one of the thousands who will remember you because of your legacy of loving and living like Jesus. From the bottom of my heart, thank you, dear friend.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Please open in your browser to hear “Only Jesus” ©2018 Provident Label Group LLC, a division of Sony Music Entertainment

Sep 09

When Eagles Get Too Wet

If you’re wondering how I’m feeling after my August mini-sabbatical set aside for renewal and refreshment, I can describe it in two words:

Wet eagle.

No, not wet beagle…wet eagle. And I don’t mean a damp eagle, I mean a really soaking wet eagle.

Confused? Let me explain.

Four days before our scheduled family vacation the first week of August, my husband developed back pain so severe he couldn’t even stand straight. His chiropractor–after twice attempting adjustments–sent him to orthopedic urgent care. X-rays were negative and the diagnosis was sciatica with an Rx for six days of tapering prednisone.

Back at  home I parked my usually very helpful husband into a La-Z-Boy recliner and began caring for him while I finished all the packing for our week-long trip to a lakeside cabin coincidentally named “Eagles’ Landing.” Unfortunately, all that extra walking, leaning and carrying exacerbated my two medical issues: a plantar plate tear on the bottom of my foot, and the post-herpetic neuralgia in my back (think burning shingles pain which doesn’t go away).

I’ll spare you the play-by-play of our health saga, but more than a month later, we now know Ralph has a herniated L4 disc. Thankfully, he can stand up straight, but still has a long way to heal.

Meanwhile, my pain persists, which brings me back to wet eagles.

Did you know that an eagle’s estimated 7,000 feathers are not fully waterproof?  If they get saturated with too much moisture, these majestic birds actually get waterlogged and become aerodynamically unable to fly.

And if this occurs when they’re on the water–perhaps fishing for prey which fights and pulls them under–the eagle doesn’t have the lift necessary to take off. So it must start swimming toward land as evidenced in the link to this amazing 9-second video IMG_3615 taken recently by our friend Chris Gaffga as he kayaked on the Potomac River beside a too-wet-eagle.

After climbing ashore, Chris’s eagle spread its feathers and waited on the rocks for the sun to dry them before attempting to fly again.

That leads us to an important truth. While bald eagles normally soar up to 10,000 feet and golden eagles up to twice that high…

Sometimes even eagles can’t soar. 

I wanted to “soar” last month, but it didn’t happen. And I know many of you can relate. You or your loved one is dealing with a chronic condition. Or facing a serious diagnosis. Or reeling from life-altering circumstances. Perhaps you’ve felt water-logged for months, years or even decades.

Physically, some of us or our loved ones aren’t going to “soar” again here on Earth, but I believe spiritually we all can be lifted above the turmoil.


He gives power to the weak
    and strength to the powerless.
Even youths will become weak and tired,
    and young men will fall in exhaustion.
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
    They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
    They will walk and not faint.--Isaiah 40:29-31

Image by rise-a-mui from Pixabay

Even if the physical deliverance doesn’t come in the way we prayed, God can give us emotional strength and spiritual power to not grow weary or faint. Who knows? He might send an eagle or maybe a  whole flock of them to carry us.

In the meantime, keep swimming, keep flapping, and keep trusting in the LORD. I’m right there with you…while I wait for the Son to someday dry my feathers.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Open in your browser to hear “Lead Me to to the Rock” by Carly Fletcher.

 

 

Jul 29

“Just to Get through This!”

When Layne Lebo recently was diagnosed with cancer, his plan was “just to get through this.”

But he quickly realized God had a much bigger–and  better–plan in mind.

The journey actually started routinely enough.

“I was combing my hair and discovered a lump on my arm,” recalls Layne, then 58, and the lead pastor at a large church in Mechanicsburg, PA.

He felt fine and had been exercising quite a bit, so Layne didn’t really think it was anything of concern. At his next primary care physician check-up he casually mentioned the lump.  The doctor wasn’t particularly concerned either, but recommended an MRI just to be sure.

The ensuing biopsy results were delivered Feb. 6.

“The good news was I didn’t need surgery to have the cyst removed, but the bad news was I had non-Hodgkin lymphoma,” Layne explains.

The normally optimistic guy was reeling, but had to go home and share the report with Greta, his wife of 32 years. Together they “processed” the life-threatening diagnosis, including how best to share it with their three kids, ages 21, 25, and 27.

That same day Greta promptly wrote a list of six commitments she hoped the family would embrace:

Armed with that simple plan, Layne began chemo in April with his family–near and far–cheering him on.

Around that time, one of the pastors on staff at his church sent a text saying that as she prayed for him, she “strongly sensed” God would use this cancer journey to give him “more compassion for the suffering of others.”

“I think I’m a pretty nice guy,” says Layne, “but I find it challenging to relate and show compassion to others (facing) things I haven’t experienced.

“My life has been pretty easy…I probably have ‘compassion deficit’,” he adds with a smile.

But it wasn’t long before Layne began to see God softening his heart toward others.

Layne before chemo

He started reaching out to patient families at the cancer center and trying to encourage them by gifting a copy of 50 Days of Hope. (Layne admits that when he first was given that book, he didn’t plan to read it because he often finds “devotionals to be cheesy and shallow.” But eventually he did open it up and instead found God inspiring him through the pages.)

He also shared the book with his oncologist, a Christ-follower, who now has multiple copies in his waiting room for patients to read or take home.

Layne is especially excited to share his journey and help others find hope. He sends out personal updates, not only to his congregation, but to pastors in a large network of area churches he leads, as well as the school board on which he serves.

“I’m understanding scripture in a new way and feel like God is giving me insights for myself and for others,” he explains.

“God told me ‘I want you to look for armies of people who don’t know Christ’,” he adds.

Layne finished chemo a couple of months ago and radiation therapy last week, but won’t know for certain until next month’s PET scan whether the cancer is completely in remission.

Still “whatever happens my life is in God’s hands,” he declares. “I choose to place my trust in God whether I’m experiencing the sunshine of life or encountering storms.”

Sounds like Layne’s “compassion deficit” is no more.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Open in your browser to hear one of Layne’s favorite songs: “Firm Foundation (He Won’t)”  with Maranatha Music.

.