When Life Gets “Really Messed Up”

In 2006 Debbie was the 39-year-old mother of a toddler daughter, and she and husband Karl wanted one more child.

Instead her life plans “got really messed up” when they learned she was pregnant with twins.

“That caused a lot of anxiety because I’m a planner and I was planning on having two kids, not three,” Debbie explained as we chatted recently at our favorite coffeehouse.

She delivered identical twin daughters with a combined birth weight of nearly 14 pounds and settled into caring for two newborns and a 3-year-old. But at 4 months, the twins were not hitting expected developmental milestones.

“Even though the doctor wasn’t concerned, I kept feeling that something was off,” Debbie recalled.

At the age of 1 neither Sydney nor Danielle could stand, and at 2 they still weren’t talking. Evaluations with early intervention and sessions with therapists produced no answers, but every specialist thought they might catch up.

And then Debbie’s life plans got shattered when a new doctor bluntly assessed the beautiful 2-year-olds, saying “they’re not going to catch up.”

Sydney & Danielle, 1 year old

“He took away all hope from us,” Debbie recalled. “Karl and I left that appointment and our world was rocked. I spiraled down to a really dark place with so much anxiety. Medication helped some, but I was waking up in the middle of the night with panic attacks.”

She called an old friend and asked how she overcame her anxiety.

“It’s going to sound silly,” the friend acknowledged, “but I started following Jesus.”

Meanwhile Debbie’s mother-in-law lovingly urged her “to let your worries go to God.”

That created a new problem because in college Debbie had begun questioning God’s existence.

But in spite of her doubts, in 2010 she visited a church near her home. There she joined a small group and was baptized, but privately wondered: if there is a God, why would He do this to me?

Front to back: Kiersten, Danielle & Sydney

In 2013 when the twins were 6, brain MRIs showed an anomaly called polymicrogyria*. Additional testing at 14 found a rare genetic mutation which shed more light on the girls’ intellectual disability, ADHD, speech/language impairment, and juvenile scoliosis.

Then in 2021, while still struggling with all the “normal” things her family couldn’t do, she joined my weekly women’s Bible study to get help understanding Scripture.

“Your group changed my life literally,” she told me. “At some point I started realizing that God has a purpose for everyone and mine is to help my girls become the best they can be.

“My anxiety about the twins’ intense physical and emotional needs is what really brought me back to faith,” Debbie explained. “Now just seeing how much they enjoy life and make people smile gives me great joy.”

“Mommy, look at the moon!”
“Ooooh, look! The sky is purple!”

“They see the beauty in everything of God’s creation,” Debbie said, “especially things we just take for granted.”

Despite the fact the twins will never “catch up,” they continue to learn new skills such as stocking shelves and try new activities like gardening at The Camphill School for special needs students.

2025 Debbie, Danielle, Kiersten, Karl & Sydney

And Debbie is especially grateful for her “unplanned” family of three children because of the twins (now 18) impact on their big sister.

“If Kiersten were an only child, she would be so different,” Debbie said. “Because of them, she has become so compassionate.

“Having special needs twins was never my plan, but now I know God’s plan is for me to help them grow and become all they were meant to be,” she explained. “As long as I focus on that, I can handle the challenges and be at peace with our life, even though it is so different from that of our friends.”
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*Polymicrogyria is a brain malformation characterized by excessive folds in the cerebral cortex. Poly (many)-micro (small)-gyria (folds)

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