Category: peace

Mar 05

“God was using my hurt to heal others!”

When I met Bre Valenzuela last summer in San Diego at the Bob Goff retreat for cancer survivors, one thing was clear: she exuded joy…in spite of her circumstances.

In the fall of 2022, life had been good for Bre.

She was less than a month from celebrating her 29th birthday and the birth of her first child.  She was happily married since 2017 to husband Cody, whom she met while working at Disneyland.  Together they attended a great church where she was a worship leader, sharing the gift of her beautiful alto voice.

But then she found the lump.

It was a large one on the side of her neck, so she headed to urgent care, which sent her to the ER.  The doctor there told her she had Hodgkin lymphoma (despite the fact there was no tissue sample to diagnosis), but the oncologist she saw next thought it might be simply an infection. When tests ruled out an infection,  doctors decided to induce her at 39 weeks and get a biopsy right after the delivery.

A healthy baby boy named Jace arrived…along with a diagnosis of Stage 3 Hodgkin lymphoma and plans for chemotherapy.

“They let me be a mom for a week,” Bre recalls. ” I was allowed to breastfeed for a week and then I wasn’t allowed.”

Immediately Bre simultaneously began two ernormous tasks : fighting a life-threatening illness and raising a new, little life in her arms.

Worship team members shaved her head!

It was her faith in Jesus–which she “found” in 2019–that saw her through those really tough months.

“Faith showed up in a million ways!” she explains. “People from church would come over and just hold Jace for an hour so I could nap. They brought meals and went to chemo treatments with me so Cody could stay with Jace.”

When I asked Bre in our recent phone conversation how it felt to be a young, new mom facing cancer, she replied : “I had a sadness because I definitely want to see Jace grow up…but I realized I had to surrender all of it (to God) even if the outcome didn’t turn out to be what I wanted.”

It was while singing worship music that she experienced peaceful surrender.

“In the realm of worship, I felt perfectly held by God,” she recalls.

One of the most amazing ways that God showed up for Bre came through some advice given by a mentor-friend , who also is a cancer survivor.

“She said I should view my chemo chair as ‘holy ground’,” Bre remembers. “That seemed really strange, but she said it was the ground where God was sending people to heal me.”

At one point during her 12-treatment protocol, she was hospitalized for a week with a life-threatening sepsis infection.  Soon her hospital room also became holy ground.

“I ended up having four different nurses come in to my room to have me pray with them,” she says. “One even said she switched her shift so she could be with me.

“Now God was using my hurt to heal others.”

Life is good for Bre–follow-up tests show her to be cancer-free and she’s looking forward to her 30th birthday in October.

When she reflects on 2023, she says: “I didn’t know they made years this hard or this rewarding. Cheers to living life open-handed and finding joy even in the darkest of moments!”

Amen, my beautiful, joyful friend.

Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.
For you know when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. James 1:2-3

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Please open in your browser to hear the great song “See You Through It” by Brandon Heath. The words speak of trials, and yet the music and whimsical video are full of JOY–just like my friend Bre. (I think the lyrics are clear, but if you want to read them, here’s a link see me through it lyrics.

 

 

 

Feb 20

For Days When You Can’t See the Sun

On a recent, dark, foggy morning, my husband and I were riding in the car with our youngest grandchild. As we drove past the nearby Limerick nuclear power plant and its steamy twin towers, 6-year-old Mathis made this observation:

“Those cloud-maker buildings are really working hard today…I can’t even see the sun!”

I had to smile at his description of “cloud-maker buildings” hiding the light.

 

Do you ever feel as if some “cloud-maker buildings are really working hard” to darken your days?

I recall an awful time in 2017 when all of my normal “support team” was either knocked out of commission or otherwise occupied:

  • My youngest daughter’s 2-year-old had the flu, her 6-month-old had a double ear infection while her husband and 4-year-old were recovering from the flu.
  • My middle daughter was tending to her two preschoolers, both with the flu, following her own (and her kindergartener’s) bouts with it.
  • One of my oldest daughter’s best friends was run over by a car while jogging and in trauma care fighting for her life.
  • My prayer partner of many years had a hacking cough from the flu and couldn’t even talk on the phone.
  • My closest friend from church was unreachable in another country.
  • My poor husband still was having trouble with his knee replacement and couldn’t walk or drive  without severe pain.
  • And while working on our 2016 taxes—much too late—I discovered a clerical error with a tax bill resulting in several thousand dollars of unpaid taxes, penalty fees galore, and a possible lien on our home.

As I stressed over deadlines for FB book launch posts, blogs, magazine articles, and speaking engagements, as well as concern for so many loved ones in dire straits, my heart was overwhelmed.

So I tried to be extra “good” to myself. I got a massage. I went for walks.  I sat in my hot tub. I ate big bowls of popcorn. I drank a root beer float with the popcorn.

I prayed. I read my Bible. I listened to worship music.

But I still couldn’t “see” the Son.

Finally, I texted Gigi, my friend of many decades in Colorado, and asked her to call me that weekend.

Within moments, my phone beeped.

“You must be really desperate to want me to call,” she said with a laugh.

“I am!” I responded as the tears welled up.

And then I dumped it all on my dear friend. Everything I wrote about here with much more detail and weeping.

I’m not going to share exactly how Gigi responded, but she calmly and prayerfully led me into the presence of Jesus so that I could feel His love for me.

In those few moments absolutely nothing changed in my circumstances and yet everything changed inside me as Psalm 61: 2 came true before my eyes.My friend’s prayer lifted my eyes off all the “cloud-maker buildings” and focused them on my Rock and my Redeemer who is above it all and could take the burdens I was never meant to carry.

You light a lamp for me. The LORD my God, light up my darkness. Psalm 18:28

Dear friend, I don’t know how or when God will lead you to the high rock, but I believe with all my heart that He will. Keep crying out to Him and when you can’t hear His voice, ask a trusted friend to cry out with you. He’ll take the burdens you never were meant to carry. +++

P.S. A few updates from the 2017 crises: My oldest daughter’s friend miraculously recovered from the accident. My husband’s knee was infected and had to have a second (and thankfully, successful) replacement. I got the taxes straightened out without going bankrupt. Gigi now lives across the street so I can just holler out the door when I need her! 🙂

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Please open in your browser to hear the incredible song, “Great Reward” by Tim Timmons, longtime stage 4 cancer survivor and my friend!

Feb 06

4 Things Not to Say to Suffering People

Two days after my cancer surgery in 1990 at the age of 36, a friend came into my hospital room  with a smile on her face as she announced: “God is going to teach you great things through this trial!”

I wanted to take the IV out of my arm, stab it in hers, and tell her to get in the bed and learn great things from God!

Instead, I smiled weakly and pushed the morphine pump button.

During my more than three decades of cancer support ministry I’ve known literally thousands of suffering people. Here are four things I’ve learned not to say:

1. You should…
However we might be tempted to finish that sentence, we need to stop. Suffering people don’t need our advice unless they ask for it.  Suffering is overwhelming and becomes even more so when well-meaning people offer recommendations they believe will help. Most of us are “fixers” and can jump into that role as soon as we hear a need.

Chris Lawrence

Author and longtime stage 4 cancer survivor Chris Lawrence offers this insight: “There is something healing about another person affirming our situation–not just trying to ‘fix it,’ but instead being with us in it.”

Let’s affirm that we hear someone’s hurt. Offer a simple (non-preaching!) prayer. Give assurance of our love–and God’s–no matter what.

2. Something good/better will come from this.
Yes, God can turn mourning into dancing and trade ashes for beauty, but whatever good comes may pale in comparison to the losses and may not even happen in this lifetime.

My friend Marge whose immediate family–husband and two children–were killed by a drunk driver made this observation about suffering: “Grief has given me a perspective on life’s priorities, an appreciation of the significance of the moment, a delight in the distraction of the trivial and a fearlessness of death. But I would gladly give up all these insights to…have my family back.”

It’s not our job to make sense of someone else’s suffering. God may reveal that to them, but as He told Job, He doesn’t owe us an explanation.

3. You shouldn’t feel that way.
Saying this to a suffering person minimizes their pain and is like hitting them when they’re already down.

Remember Job’s friends? Before they started telling him what not to feel, they were great comforters.

When they saw Job from a distance, they scarcely recognized him. Wailing loudly, they tore their robes and threw dust into the air over their heads to show their grief. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words. Job 2:11-13

Let us, too, sit in silence in those moments when a suffering loved one needs a safe place to vent.

4. Everything happens for a reason.
If this is a favorite phrase and you love to say it to yourself, please, continue! But others may not find the sentiment comforting because the word “reason” by definition means there is an explanation, a justification or rational grounds for what’s occurring. The implication is there’s a hidden “good” reason something happened.

What’s the good reason for suicide? War? Murder? Molestation?

Instead of offering platitudes, let’s offer our presence. NY Times bestselling author Rick Warren shares this personal recollection:

“Our small group came over after (our son) Matthew died. They said, ‘We’re spending the night at your house. We’re not going to leave you here alone. We’re going to be with you.’They didn’t try to give us any words of wisdom. They just gave us the ministry of presence. They slept on our couches and on the floor. I’ll never forget how it held us up.”

My friend was right–I have learned great things from God through my cancer journey.

I just wish she hadn’t told me while my suffering was still too great for words.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Open in a browser to hear “God of Comfort” by CH Worship.

Dec 12

How to Hear God’s Voice

Ralph and I were married Dec. 29, 1973, so our first husband-and-wife Christmas was ’74. I was an unemployed, recent college grad and he was making $5,000 as assistant manager of a Christian bookstore.

We were living in a family’s basement, but wanted to have our own tree, so Ralph went searching. There weren’t many left, but he found a tree lot with a few. The smallest, cheapest one was $4.

“I only have $3,” my forlorn-looking husband told the tree-seller as he held up three crumpled bills..

The gentleman thought for a moment, then agreed to the bargain price.

We decorated it with a single strand of lights, popcorn and cranberry garlands, a few ornaments my folks sent from Germany, and others I quilled from colored strips of paper.

It’s still my favorite Christmas tree memory.

Chuck & Pat in 2023

Our plans were to stay in the basement of Chuck and Pat, a local Baptist pastor and his wife, for a “a week or two” until the house we were going to rent became unoccupied. All of our furniture and meager belongings already were packed and stored in that house’s dining room.

But the rental fell through and we were pretty bummed because living in a house seemed quite preferable to residing in someone’s basement bedroom.

But of course God had a far better plan. Our “short” stay with our older and wiser friends and their two small children stretched into three months, forging a precious friendship which has endured for 49 years.

I loved learning about cooking, mothering, and serving God from my beautiful friend Pat. And I still remember the best piece of advice she gave me as we prepared to move in January 1975 to Franklinville, NY,  for Ralph’s first pastoral position.

“A lot of people in the church are going to have expectations for what a pastor’s wife should do,” Pat explained. “Don’t worry about them–just listen to God and do what pleases Him.”

That advice has been my mantra as I have tried to follow Christ all theses decades. A few times I’ve heard God loud and clear, but mostly it has been His “still, small voice.” (1 Kings 19:11-12)

How about you–what are you longing to hear from our Heavenly Father? Encouragement? Direction? Comfort? Wisdom? Hope?

I love how British Anglican priest Nicky Gumbel explains five ways God speaks to us (listed from most common to least):

READING—We study the Bible, which shows God’s general will for all people at all times Psalm 119:105 says “Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path.”

LISTENING–We quiet ourselves to hear the Spirit of God. The more we know God, the better we will recognize His voice while awake or sleeping!  (John 10:3 )

THINKING–We trust our rational minds, not just our emotional leanings. Romans 12:2  says “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” (Renewing of your mind, not removing!)

TALKING–We seek out the counsel of other Christians. Proverbs 12:15 explains: “Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others.”

WATCHING— We look for circumstantial signs–coincidences may be divine interventions!  (Acts 16:6)

God still speaks to us today, my friend. May you read, listen, think, talk, and watch for His voice of truth, hope and peace.

P.S. I’m pretty sure the tree-seller on that December day in 1974 heard and responded to the voice of God …whether he ever realized it or not.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Hear Nicky’s teaching “How Does God Guide Us? from his Alpha course https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luiosjkvUlo

Open in your browser to hear “Let Me Hear Your Voice” by Francesca LaRosa

Nov 07

Nothing Can Steal This Clown’s Joy

My friend Bunnie is a redheaded, retired heavy equipment operator with a delightful New England accent who loves to laugh. On weekends she “clowns” around at the local Dairy Queen whipping up balloons and smiles for children. On weekdays she takes off her clown make-up and cooks hot meals, which she joyfully delivers to the homeless folks in a nearby neighborhood.

Did I mention that she has stage 4 tongue cancer, carries her portable oxygen tank everywhere and is on hospice?

The year before her diagnosis, Bunnie moved to Florida and wondered what she would do in her post-retirement life.

“I was laughing so much, I dreamt I should be a clown,” she recalls with a chuckle. Bunnie Googled “clown schools,” found one only two hours from her new home, took the courses, and became a member of the Fellowship of Christian Magicians.

Then she began volunteering at her local Dairy Queen, performing magic tricks and twisting balloons into animal shapes. While the children enjoyed their ice cream, she shared character-building stories and told them about God’s love for them.

But in August 2013, the shows stopped when Bunnie was diagnosed with inoperable tongue cancer. Doctors told her that without chemo and radiation, she probably had six months to live. She was devastated with that prognosis, but resolute in her faith: “You can even take my tongue, and I’ll still find a way to share the gospel,” she announced to her doctor.

Bunnie had thirty-five radiation and eight chemo treatments. Following a two-week hiatus, she was back clowning at Dairy Queen.

After she read a copy of my first book, When God & Cancer Meet, Bunnie felt as if God were telling her to share her story by giving away copies of that book. So she bought dozens and passed them out to cancer patients and caregivers.

Then in May 2015 more bad news–a scan showed the cancer had spread to her lungs.

“I was really, really devastated for a little while—for maybe an hour or something,” she told me, chuckling on the phone, after we became Facebook friends. “The Lord said, ‘You’re still here for Me and I’m going to use you right here at the cancer center.’”

She headed back for more treatment and armed with more books (a final total of 425, she says!).

Think about it…Bunnie had every reason to be bitter—a devastating cancer diagnosis in a new state with no family nearby, just when she was ready to relax and enjoy retirement. Cancer of the tongue when she loves to talk fast and laugh often.

But Bunnie knows what I hope you do too—that your purpose in life never changes. It is the same whether you or your loved one has a lot of cancer, a little cancer, or no cancer. Your purpose in life—and mine—is to know God and love Him more, and to help others know God and love Him more.

Bunnie says her life verse is the same one I have chosen in my retirement:
“My life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the task assigned to me by the Lord Jesus
—the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God.” Acts 20:24

As long as you have breath (even if it’s from an oxygen tank), God is not finished with you!

Excerpted from Peace in the Face of Cancer ©2017 Lynn Eib. All rights reserved.

UPDATE: In 2018 Bunnie passed away, 4.5 years after her initial diagnosis.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Please enjoy the incredible testimony and original song “These Walls” from Jason Davis, the pastor who lost 80-percent of his tongue to cancer.