Category: hope

Given No Hope–Alive and Well 50 Years Later

 

“There is something you must always remember.
You are braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
Christopher Robin to Winnie‑the‑Pooh in Pooh’s Most Grand Adventure

I love these words of encouragement from one best friend to another. They were the sentiment of a life-changing pep talk given to me in high school by my dear friend Cecil, who is the first person I knew who survived cancer.

We met in a speech class in the fall of 1968. I was a junior and he was a sophomore at Victor Valley High, where he was without a doubt the best orator. When he chose me to be his debate partner, I was thrilled. I didn’t know that the year before he had been diagnosed with fibrosarcoma (a rare cancer of the soft tissue), only that he always had a large Band-Aid on his forehead and that its self-described “flesh” color did not match his black skin. 

I’m not sure if either one of us ever used the “C” word. In the sixties, cancer was something adults whispered about and doctors tried to keep from patients’ knowledge.

“Why do you always wear a Band-Aid?” I naively asked him one day.

“Because I’m very embarrassed about my scars” was his quiet reply.

The scars were the result of multiple surgeries—beginning when he was fifteen—to try to cut away the cancer and extend his life.

“The fibrosarcoma was eating through my skull,” Cecil explained as we chatted on the phone about this chapter.

Back then chemotherapy was in its infancy, and radiation therapy couldn’t possibly be safely aimed at a patient’s head, so his doctors simply sliced away, waited for the cancer to grow back, and then cut it out again.

By the fall of 1968, doctors were so pessimistic about Cecil’s future, they recommended he drop out of high school. “Once it hits the optic nerve, it will go right to the brain. Go home and don’t even worry about school anymore,” they advised.

But Cecil had other plans.

“Not only am I going to go back to school, I’m going to graduate,” he told them. “And not only am I going to graduate, I’m going to go to college. And not only am I going to go to college, I’m going to go to the best college!” he defiantly added.

His equally strong-willed mother approved, saying, “If you want to go back to school, it’s fine with me. I don’t want you to just lie down and die.”

So Cecil went to school, ran track, and played basketball and football, wearing a customized helmet to protect his forehead as he darted downfield with the ball. (Bet that wouldn’t be allowed these days!) Just about every Saturday for the next two years, we were together at a speech meet or a debate competition, eventually becoming the first students from our school to make it to the speech state championships.

But in the summer of 1970, right after I graduated, Cecil’s cancer came back, and more surgery ensued. The hole in Cecil’s forehead was getting rather large, so doctors stitched his left forearm to his forehead for six weeks in an attempt to graft skin there. However, in the fall of 1970, the relentless cancer returned.

Surgeons wanted to operate again and now sew his right arm to his head, but his mother refused. She moved him to another hospital, ignoring the doctor’s warning that if she did he’d be “dead in two weeks.”

Physicians at the new hospital did the same kind of surgery, without stitching his arm to his head. At Cecil’s first recheck, they were pleasantly surprised the cancer had not returned. Three months later, they were shocked to find no sign of it. Three more cancer-free months later, they were speechless.

“We can’t take any credit for this, because we didn’t do anything different from the other doctors,” they told the then-eighteen-year-old Cecil. “The fibrosarcoma was like a runaway freight train on a dry, straight track, and it just stopped. In medicine we call it a spontaneous remission.”

Cecil finished high school, serving as student body president, and went on to graduate with honors from Harvard University, where he played football, ran track, and coached the debate team. As I write, he is a sixty-three-year-old longtime university law professor with many accolades and former students across the country who say his teaching expertise and friendship changed their lives.

“Despite all the dark predictions, I’m alive and doing just fine,” he says. “I believe to this day that God healed me despite all the gloom and doom. And it has never come back because He had other plans for me.”

I’m so grateful that meeting Cecil was part of God’s plan for my life. Before we participated in our first debate meet, I was scared and not at all confident in my speaking and writing abilities. I felt insecure because I was the youngest in my class (I graduated at sixteen) and because my father’s job had forced me to twice move midyear to new high schools. But Cecil shared words very similar to Christopher Robin’s with me, and I took them to heart. And as they say, the rest is history.

When we face the trials of life. including cancer, we discover the incredible strength of the human spirit as we do things we never thought we could. But I hope you also are discovering that the greatness of God is the reason you are braver, stronger, and smarter than you realized.

Find a mirror, look straight into it, and tell yourself: “I am braver than I believe. I am stronger than I seem. I am smarter than I think. God is much greater than I can imagine.”

And then share those words today with someone else who needs to hear them. You never know how God may use them to change a life.

(If the music video doesn’t automatically load, please use this link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cb4o4lN0c_E&list=RDCb4o4lN0c_E&t=23 )

What do you want MORE of in 2018?

 
My 3-year-old granddaughter Abby is not the world’s best sleeper.

Image may contain: 1 person, eating, sitting, child, food and indoor

She’s not the worst either, but definitely not as good as her brothers, ages 1 and 5. In  fact she’s quite the master of “stalling” at bedtime and/or “needing” things in the middle of the night. You may be  familiar with the toddlers’ universal “necessities” list: potty, drink, doll, stuffed animal, nightlight, book, blanket, socks etc.

But Abby has upped this game to a new level as she cries out in the wee hours of the morning and Mommy appears and asks the sensible question: “What do you need, Abby?” To which this adorable child sweetly replies: “More Jesus.”

Check and checkmate–Abby wins hands down. I mean no matter what time it is and how tired you are, how does anyone say no to “more Jesus”?

In case you’re wondering, what Abby specifically is requesting– it’s for her mommy to sing the bedtime ritual melody “Jesus Loves Me” one more time. (Often she even will add her tiny voice to the chorus.)

The kid is a genius. I would want to give her “more Jesus” any time day or night.

Of course Abby’s hard-to-deny request got me thinking about what do I want MORE of in 2018? (I can definitely think of some things I want LESS of–pounds, wrinkles, gray hair, and sagging, just to name a few!) But what do I hope there was MORE of?

Certainly more good health for all of you fighting cancer and other serious/chronic illnesses. Definitely more comfort for those who are grieving the loss of loved ones. Clearly more love for families torn apart by the pain of addictions, divorce and abuse. And absolutely more peace for this violent world.

But when it comes right down to it, I think I’ll pray that you and I have more Jesus this year. 

I pray that from His glorious, unlimited resources He will empower you with inner strength through His Spirit. Then Christ will make His home in your hearts as you trust in Him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. —Ephesians 3:16-19a

And when you can’t fall asleep or when you wake up in the middle of the night, perhaps you will choose to echo my little granddaughter’s request: More Jesus.

 

How Captain America Saved the Day for Me

 

As you can see I met Captain America recently—he actually stopped by my house the other day for a few hours. The Captain, a.k.a. grandson Benny, wanted to show me his new shield (Mommy, a.k.a. Wonder Woman-Shopper, found it in the Target clearance bin) and the pint-sized super hero clearly explained to me that it was “made of indestructible vibranium.”

I was especially glad he brought the shield as he deftly used it to block the swinging plastic bat aimed at my face by his 1-year-old brother Jack. Both boys seemed to immensely enjoy this game of the little one taking aim at Grandma and the bigger one interjecting the vibranium shield at just the right moment.

I didn’t want to embarrass myself in front of Captain America by telling him I didn’t know what vibranium was, so after he left I Googled it. Turns out it’s only real in Marvel comic books, but on those pages it is able to absorb all the vibrations of anything that hits it. And I will attest that in my real life, it did absorb blows from a free-swinging toddler.

After the shield saved my face from being pummeled, it got me thinking about some 27 years ago when another friend held up a shield for me.

It was in 1990 just a few days after I came home from my colon cancer surgery that our dear friends Gene and Sheila Latta stopped by for a visited. I begged the usually jovial Gene not to say anything to try and make me laugh because my abdominal incision with 27 staples hurt way too much. He obliged and I began to pour out my fears and my tears to Sheila, my older and wiser friend.

“Everyone prayed for Ralph’s first wife and she still died,” I sobbed. “If God didn’t heal her, why would He heal me? I’m no better than she was.”

Thankfully, Sheila didn’t try to explain why one faithful follower doesn’t survive a life-threatening illness and why another does because there is no answer this side of eternity. But she did remind me of Truth.

“Your fight with cancer is a physical battle, but it also is a spiritual battle,” she gently explained. “You need to hold up your shield of faith.”

I knew the verse in Ephesians 6:16 to which she was referring: “Hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil.” For me, those fiery arrows included depression, fear, anxiety and despair—all common for people facing life’s dark trials.

Sheila prayed for me and reminded me of what I knew in my head, but could not feel in my heart: God’s love and presence in our life are not based on whether we’re “good enough”—they are unconditional gifts from our heavenly Father. She promised to continually pray for me to have the strength to hold up my shield of faith in a God who has proved His love for me: “This is real love—not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.” (I John 4:10)

Slowly, but surely that shield absorbed the lying arrows of the devil and I felt God’s love and experienced His peace even in the face of cancer.

How are you doing holding up your shield of faith? Are you listening to the lies of the enemy or the truth of the lover of your soul? Do you need to ask a trusted friend to help you hold up that shield? Do you need to ask a trusted friend to help you hold up that shield? No matter what you can see or not see, you can’t see it all. Have faith in the God who will never leave you nor forsake you.

I hope you are fortunate to have Captain America stop by your home and protect you with his vibranium shield, but I especially pray you hold up your shield of true faith: “Faith shows the reality of what we hope for; it is the evidence of things we cannot see.” (Hebrews 11:1)

(I am still experiencing major technical difficulties with my website, so i can’t upload the music video here. But please click on the link to enjoy “Give Me Faith'” by Elevation Worship) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMVvqI1-tM4 

Come sit in the E.R. with me

 

 

 

 

 

 

These halls are quiet on a Sunday morning with only the sound of monitors to echo in the silence of large emergency room.

Not this again. I am tired of this place.

It’s been a while since I’ve stood here, and yet it comes right back as if it were but a minute past. The too quiet of suppressed discomfort and fear, the too still of exhaustion, all mixed into the smell of sterility and latex.

“Are they going to do anything that hurts me, Mom?”

“No, son.” I hope not, son.

Chase is seven now. He’s five whole years past the first minute we heard the awful words “There’s a large mass”. He’s five whole years into his aggressive, malignant brain and spine tumors and his eye problems and his heart and hearing issues, and every other issue that seems to walk hand-in-hand with that cancer word.

Every time he is wheeled into the MRI, the news comes that his status remains “No Evidence of Disease”, but the magnetic resonance can’t quite pick up on the evidence of pain, suffering, brokenness, and exhaustion.

This Sunday morning, the rest of the family is at church and Chase and I, we sit in the darkened ER room not because he’s had a seizure, or a relapse, or even a headache. Oh no, we sit in this space because his face is swelling and it needs to be stopped. The doctor explains in matter-of-fact tones that the airways are crucial and swelling is sometimes bad for breathing.

And my balding boy’s face swells and grows some more against cheeks tinged pink with fevers because when you’ve had ten different chemotherapies and radiation and everything but the kitchen sink thrown at your body when you could barely walk, well, sometimes your immune system decides to go A.W.O.L. over a cavity. One little cavity that goes rogue and becomes an abscess and then suddenly we are sitting in the ER on a Sunday morning instead of going to church. Again.

I want to fight it. I don’t want this to be how the day goes.

And yet, isn’t this the way of it all too often when it comes to life and cancer? The big things are sometimes the easiest to accept because they just straight-up rob you of breath and heart beats and feel so inevitable in their “bigness”. It’s the little things like the port that occludes, the eyelashes that fall out, the random side effect or the ninety-seventh time to the ER that just wastes away at my patience and my faith. The little foxes in the vineyard of the faith marriage between my Savior and me [Song of Solomon 2:15] are beeping monitors, sticky IV needles, and the nurses who say “Okay, we just have one more set of questions for you here.” Make it stop, please Lord.

So many times I have prayed to be delivered from the awful repeat of the hospital day. So many times the answer is no. And quite a handful of times the answer is no and there’s more.

So many wild cards…

And yet, here’s the thing and don’t miss it…

Jesus is in charge of the wild cards. In truth, the wild is not wild to him. “To [God] the night shines bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to you.” It only looks upside-down and inside-out to us.

So where do you go when it’s the ninety-seventh hit in a row on your patience and faith is feeling really thin and worn?

I’m so glad you asked. Come sit in the ER with me – in these uncomfortable chairs – and we will review what we know to be true. Because I need to hear it again…and maybe you do too?

God is good even when He doesn’t do what we ask: “Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness’.” [2 Corinthians 12:8-9a]

God sees things we cannot see: “Now we see things imperfectly like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely just as God now knows me completely.” [1 Corinthians 13:12]

God is for us: “The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.” [Exodus 14:14]

And here’s why I lay these verses down again and again even though they hold no help for radiation-rotten teeth, and no cure for a 7-year-old desperately broken by a tragic disease. Here’s why: because I may never get the answers I want on this side of heaven. I may never see the healing I desire, the miracles I crave, and the next time I pray not to go to the ER, there’s a very real chance that I could end up with Chase admitted instead – because this is the way of the cancer world: two steps back for every one slow shuffle forward.

But this: God’s words are sharper than the sharpest scalpel and cleave through everything that holds us back from his love. And God’s promises are more tried and true than the best treatments the cutting edge of research has to offer. And sometime, someday, though the hair might fall, and the skin color fade, this word of the Lord is forever and ever, AMEN.

In Christ alone, our hope is found.

So wherever you are this week, whatever you’ve asked to be released from, whatever you just can’t possibly do one more time, actually, YOU CAN.

“For when I am weak, then I am strong”…IN CHRIST. [2 Corinthians 12:10]

Thank you so much for stepping into the ER room with me. Until we step into the throne room of our precious Jesus, and I get to meet you, we will take this life as it comes in grace… moment by moment.

 

TODAY’S GUEST BLOGGER is Ellie Poole Ewoldt, a wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friendHer days are spent in the craziness of caring for four little kids, one of whom is a cancer survivor.  www.chaseawaycancer.com

 

 

 

 

 

Here’s My Prayer for You…

 

 

 

 

 

 

I know those of you who read this blog have many prayers on your heart. Prayers for yourself and prayers for those you love.

The song below is more than a wish–it’s my prayer for you, not just today, but every day. It’s an “old” song I love by Scott Wesley Brown and I’ve posted two different versions–the original with added beautiful photos from nature. And a remake from Scott’s “Out of Africa” CD with no video. Both versions have a long instrumental intro, but don’t give up, the lyrics are coming! (All that “waiting” reminds me that often we pray and don’t see the answers coming nearly as soon as we would like!)

So either enjoy some of God’s beauty or close your eyes and just feel His presence. Either way, please let me “wish”–and pray Jesus for you.