Category: healing

Feb 25

The Day Tim Timmons Left Me Speechless

L. to R. Tim, Bob, me, Taylor Hughes

In the summer of 2023, I had the incredible privilege of meeting and sharing the stage with a musician-cancer survivor of whom I had never heard: Tim Timmons. We both were speakers for a three-day cancer survivors’ retreat held at NYT bestselling author Bob Goff’s southern California conference center.

Personally, as a longtime colon cancer survivor, Tim had my full attention when he spoke about how “Poop Happens!” When he sang his debut number, Cast My Cares, I knew I had found a new musical prayer. And when he shared that he was a 20+-year survivor of a rare, incurable cancer, diagnosed at age 25 and now the father of four, my heart felt a special connection.

But it was when he told a true story that I absolutely fell apart.

Tim shared how he’d written and recorded a song he thought was “really good,” but his record label did not agree. Eventually, he and his best friend, Bart Millard (lead singer for MercyMe) rewrote and recorded it on the band’s label.

And then for the 35 of us cancer survivors in the room, Tim played and sang the song…Even If.

I stood to my feet, lifted my hands and sang my heart out. I had no idea Tim had the initial inspiration for my favorite song…the one with which I closed all my “Morning of Hope” seminars. The one that always leads me to bask in holy presence. And now God had allowed me to know the song’s story and meet its creator.

Scheduled to speak next, I went on stage, but was sobbing so hard I was speechless.

“I’m wrecked,” I whispered to Tim as he hugged me.

And why am I sharing this personal story today?

Because if you’re seeking a word to the weary for yourself or someone you love, I’m recommending you go meet Tim Timmons…at the movies!

Last week my husband and I saw the new release I Can Only Imagine 2, starring Milo Ventimiglia (This is Us, Gilmore Girls) as Tim. (It was my first time at the local Movie Tavern, where the plush seats fully recline and when you press a little button, a nice young man brings you food and drink. Who knew???)

Anyway, I went through two or three tissues and I could hear my husband sniffling next to me. Tears of sadness and joy. Goosebumps of God’s goodness. Infusions of faith.

We both were a whole lot less weary.

If you can’t get to the movie theater, Tim has other ways to encourage you, including his weekly podcast https://www.10000minutes.com/ which discusses practical ways to “realign our lives with the way and heart of Jesus.” (You also can sign up for uplifting text messages and view short videos to help feel God’s nearness. And find Tim’s music at https://www.timtimmonsmusic.com/ )

When Tim was diagnosed in 2001, doctors gave him five years to live. He turned 50 this month and next week is the release of his book, Waking Up Again: A Journey of Grief & Gratitude, co-authored with wife Hilary.

The authors say: “This is not a book about cancer. It is about how to embrace the gift of waking up each day, knowing the presence of Jesus in times of sorrow, and His faithfulness when the future feels fragile.”

Tim Timmons has been waking up on “borrowed” time for more than two decades. Every day he takes a black marker and makes an “X” on his right wrist, reminding himself that he’s been given the gift of another day.

I hope you’ll let his words/music/life “wreck” your weary heart with God’s love for you today.
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Open in your browser to hear Make it Well, the newest MercyMe song, co-written by  Bart Millard / Ethan Hulse / Tim Timmons https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLrF-ml7uks

Nov 18

When Life Gets “Really Messed Up”

In 2006 Debbie was the 39-year-old mother of a toddler daughter, and she and husband Karl wanted one more child.

Instead her life plans “got really messed up” when they learned she was pregnant with twins.

“That caused a lot of anxiety because I’m a planner and I was planning on having two kids, not three,” Debbie explained as we chatted recently at our favorite coffeehouse.

She delivered identical twin daughters with a combined birth weight of nearly 14 pounds and settled into caring for two newborns and a 3-year-old. But at 4 months, the twins were not hitting expected developmental milestones.

“Even though the doctor wasn’t concerned, I kept feeling that something was off,” Debbie recalled.

At the age of 1 neither Sydney nor Danielle could stand, and at 2 they still weren’t talking. Evaluations with early intervention and sessions with therapists produced no answers, but every specialist thought they might catch up.

And then Debbie’s life plans got shattered when a new doctor bluntly assessed the beautiful 2-year-olds, saying “they’re not going to catch up.”

Sydney & Danielle, 1 year old

“He took away all hope from us,” Debbie recalled. “Karl and I left that appointment and our world was rocked. I spiraled down to a really dark place with so much anxiety. Medication helped some, but I was waking up in the middle of the night with panic attacks.”

She called an old friend and asked how she overcame her anxiety.

“It’s going to sound silly,” the friend acknowledged, “but I started following Jesus.”

Meanwhile Debbie’s mother-in-law lovingly urged her “to let your worries go to God.”

That created a new problem because in college Debbie had begun questioning God’s existence.

But in spite of her doubts, in 2010 she visited a church near her home. There she joined a small group and was baptized, but privately wondered: if there is a God, why would He do this to me?

Front to back: Kiersten, Danielle & Sydney

In 2013 when the twins were 6, brain MRIs showed an anomaly called polymicrogyria*. Additional testing at 14 found a rare genetic mutation which shed more light on the girls’ intellectual disability, ADHD, speech/language impairment, and juvenile scoliosis.

Then in 2021, while still struggling with all the “normal” things her family couldn’t do, she joined my weekly women’s Bible study to get help understanding Scripture.

“Your group changed my life literally,” she told me. “At some point I started realizing that God has a purpose for everyone and mine is to help my girls become the best they can be.

“My anxiety about the twins’ intense physical and emotional needs is what really brought me back to faith,” Debbie explained. “Now just seeing how much they enjoy life and make people smile gives me great joy.”

“Mommy, look at the moon!”
“Ooooh, look! The sky is purple!”

“They see the beauty in everything of God’s creation,” Debbie said, “especially things we just take for granted.”

Despite the fact the twins will never “catch up,” they continue to learn new skills such as stocking shelves and try new activities like gardening at The Camphill School for special needs students.

2025 Debbie, Danielle, Kiersten, Karl & Sydney

And Debbie is especially grateful for her “unplanned” family of three children because of the twins (now 18) impact on their big sister.

“If Kiersten were an only child, she would be so different,” Debbie said. “Because of them, she has become so compassionate.

“Having special needs twins was never my plan, but now I know God’s plan is for me to help them grow and become all they were meant to be,” she explained. “As long as I focus on that, I can handle the challenges and be at peace with our life, even though it is so different from that of our friends.”
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*Polymicrogyria is a brain malformation characterized by excessive folds in the cerebral cortex. Poly (many)-micro (small)-gyria (folds)

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Open in your browser to hear “Good Plans” by Red Rock Worship  © 2023 Songs of Red Rocks Worship Publishing /Be Essential Songs (BMI) (admin. at EssentialMusicPublishing.com); Redburns (ASCAP)
 

May 20

Celebration Time: My Oncologist has cancer Part 13

Well, the milestone that no physician thought possible–but for which family, friends and patients prayed–is here.

Tomorrow, May 22, 2025, is the fifth anniversary of Dr. Marc Hirsh’s diagnosis of a stage 4 very rare neuroendocrine tumor of the thymus!

Marc doesn’t have a party planned–life itself is enough of a celebration for him.

He and wife Elizabeth–plus Golden Retriever Boondock–recently returned from two weeks of traveling south in their camper van–a trip that  seemed impossible five years ago.

Marc clearly remembers how he felt when diagnosed at age 69.

“When I saw  that it had invaded into my heart and was in my lung, I was pretty pessimistic,” he recalls. “I was having a lot of trouble breathing, short of breath and in a lot of pain. In the hospital when Elizabeth asked me if it was curable, I told her I probably would be dead in three weeks.”

The “lowest point” emotionally came during his appointment with an oncologist at Johns Hopkins, where Marc was “very hopeful” he would learn something optimistic.

Instead, the doctor recommended an extremely toxic chemotherapy regimen which had “no data that it was curative.”

“I still have the oncologist’s report…and it said that if I didn’t do what they said, I’d be dead soon.”

But Marc refused the recommended treatment.

“I knew how incredibly toxic it was and I knew how weak I was,” Marc explains. “I knew how immuno-supressed I’d be and we were in the middle of COVID. I likely would have had to spend a lot of time in the hospital and the virus easily could have killed me.”

Instead he devised his own protocol of radiation/hormone therapy/oral chemo and what had been a grapefruit-sized tumor was the size of a lime at his check-up last year.

Last week on their trip, Marc celebrated his 74th birthday with a quick stop to purchase the “State Dessert of Maryland.”

“I bought myself a Smith Island Cake and I froze it and am eating a piece every day,” he confesses with a smile.

Elizabeth added that “he’s eating it all by himself” as she  gave up  sweets decades ago!

Marc says the realization that he might not quickly die from the cancer has dawned slowly.

“After about two or three years of (the tumor) being completely stable or slightly smaller. I started thinking I might actually be cured and there’s no active tumor left,” Marc explains.

“But I’m under no illusion,” he continues, “that the cancer definitely will never come back. I have a check-up June 10 so we will see how it looks.”

In the meantime, he has joined the local senior center’s twice-weekly over-60 basketball league.

“My wind is not what it used to be and the games are pretty intense and exhausting, but I’m enjoying it.”

When I asked Marc if he had any encouragement for those facing daunting health circumstances, he replied: “No matter what the so-called experts say, there are exceptions to generalities.

“Keep living for the moment, each day, each hour, each minute, and try to find meaning and joy no matter what the situation.”

Marc, who for 30+ years has shared his faith as a Jew who believes in Jesus as Messiah, says his diagnosis reminded him that others would see whether his actions were consistent with his words.

“I knew I had the opportunity to be courageous and to live life to the fullest,” he adds. “I could be an example of how to deal with what life hands you.”

(Life has handed Elizabeth a challenge, too, as she was diagnosed in 2023 with Parkinson’s Disease and needs Marc’s assistance with tasks she no longer can do.)

And at this 5-year milestone, for what is Marc most thankful?

“I’m incredibly grateful to God that He allowed me to be here for Elizabeth after all she’s done for me.”

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Open in your browser to hear Rich Mullins, Marc and Elizabeth’s favorite Christian artist, sing “Awesome God.” It seems appropriate on this 5-year “Cancerversary” to acknowledge our awesome God, and Rich sitting at the piano sharing a little about his faith before he sings reminds me of what Marc has done at our prayer support group concerts for the past three decades.

 

 

 

 

Jan 28

Why I Never Pray on My Knees

I’ve been pondering knees lately.  My knees, my husband’s knees,  even the “bees knees” (whatever that old expression means).

I’m not exactly sure why knees are on my mind.

Maybe I’ve been watching too much football and all those kneel-downs before the game or as time runs out (like THE Ohio State Buckeyes did on their way to winning the College Football Championship last week–oops, how did that get in here?)

Our posture–whether standing, sitting or kneeling–often can reveal the intentions of our heart.

Many years ago I heard a humorous story about a little girl who was reprimanded at school for repeatedly standing up in class. Her teacher insisted she must sit down, which the girl finally did, while loudly muttering “I’m still standing up on the inside!”

Kneeling can symbolize many attitudes–surrender, reverence, repentance, humility. Desperate prayers of weary folks often are voiced on bended knees.

Image by Yvonne Huijbens from Pixabay

The New Testament doesn’t command kneeling, but does mention many examples of it.

Servants falling on their knees begging for mercy.
A kneeling mother asking Jesus to favor her two sons.
A rich young ruler on his knees inquiring how to inherit eternal life.
A gratefully kneeling, no-longer-hemorrhaging woman.
The Apostle Paul on bended knee, crying out for a blessing on God’s people.
Peter kneeling in prayer petitioning God to heal a little girl.
Jesus refusing to kneel down and worship Satan.

Kneeling days are long gone for my 78-year-old husband and me. He’s had three knee replacements (not a typo–one had to be done twice because of an infection) and can’t put full weight on all that metal, ceramic and  plastic.

Thankfully, I haven’t had to have any knees replaced–nor do my 71-year-old knees hurt–but for the past several years I’ve had an issue with my psoas muscle (yeah, I never heard of it either). Despite spending a couple thousand dollars on imaging, physical therapy and chiropractic, I cannot go down on my knees without causing severe lower abdominal pain which lasts for days.

I still bow my head and my heart in thankfulness to start and end each day, but now you know why I never pray on my knees. 

Perhaps you do literally pray on your knees. Or maybe you’re like my husband and me and physically unable to. Or you don’t go down because you know you can’t get back up!

Take heart, a new day is coming when our hearts and knees will be bowed:

Therefore, God elevated Him to the place of highest honor
and gave Him the name above all other names,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue declare that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father. Philippians 2:9-11

In the meantime, I’ll be sitting down as I surrender myself to the Lord. And I’ll stay seated while I cry out for His grace, mercy and healing on friends, family and weary folks around the globe whom I don’t even know.

But I can tell you that even if I’m sitting down…on the inside I’m still kneeling.
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Open in your browser to hear the song “Fight on My Knees” by Evan Croft.

Nov 26

When Life is “One Holy, Messy Struggle”

Weary…I’m guessing either you feel it or someone you love does.

I looked up  the word “weary” in my little Random House pocket dictionary of synonyms and antonyms I’ve had since my college journalism days and synonyms include: exhausted, tired, fatigued, spent, impatient, dissatisfied, tedious, and irksome.

Any of those describe you or your loved one these days?

There are so many things for which I’m grateful, like grandkids nearby (with a cuddly new family member!). And yet there are so many hurts piling up.  A cousin enduring chemo; another one awaiting biopsy results. Friends burying their young son. Marriages on the verge of break-up. Christians without compassion for others created in God’s image. A massive stroke paralyzing a wonderful husband and father. And six months of pain/doctors/scans/therapies after my “treadmill takedown.” (But that’s a story for another blog.)

If I‘m honest, I’m sad and grieving in the midst of Thanksgiving week. Yes, I am weary.

Shannon Adducci, a self-described “wife, mom, singer-songwriter, worship leader, trauma-survivor, mountain-lover, and Christ-follower,” once blogged about her emotional struggles:

“I have been programmed through the years to think I should just be able to choose gratitude at all times and, in every instance, flip weariness or sadness on its head and replace it with the spirit of joy – with the help of a handy, hip-pocket Scripture, of course!

“And, certainly, there is a place for simply choosing joy and gratitude. I do it often. But it also is incredibly important to honor the deep emotions we might be experiencing, lest they fester unattended and infect our souls.

“So, what if it doesn’t have to be one or the other of these? Not joy instead of sadness. Or recovery in lieu of grief. Or breakthrough eclipsing stuck-ness. What if it is actually OK to be in it all at the same time? …

“What if it could all be one holy, messy struggle and me not feel guilty about it?...

“So, here’s the good news…Even in my utter weariness, Jesus offers me an invitation and not a rejection slip. ‘Come to me,’ He whispers. ‘Not after you recover, but in order to recover.’

“Jesus fully and gently acknowledges exactly where you and I are and encourages us to hang out with Him in our most depleted state.” *

Let’s cling to the truth in the words of the beautiful Christmas hymn, O Holy Night written in 1847 by Adolphe Adam:

Long lay the world in sin and error pining
‘Til He appears and the soul felt its worth
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees; O hear the Angel voices!
O night divine, O night when Christ was born
O night, O Holy night, O night divine!

Thank You, Lord, for coming to our weary world and calling us into Your presence where we can find rest.

*©2020 Shannon Adducci. Bold emphasis mine.
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Open in your browser to hear the encouraging words in Shannon Wexelberg Adducci’s song “Whole Heart.”