Category: faith

Jun 17

Trying to Feel God’s Presence

Ever have days (weeks, months?) when you just can’t seem to feel God’s presence?

It’s not because you’re out robbing banks or tripping little old ladies. In fact, you’re not really doing anything “wrong,” and actually may be you’re doing the “right” things–praying, reading the Bible, worshipping with other believers. But the connection just isn’t there.

That was my dilemma recently. I kept going through the motions and even though I’m not a real touchy-feely person, what I really longed for was to feel God’s loving presence.

Reading more scripture didn’t change my mood, talking longer to God hadn’t helped my malaise, and singing louder didn’t do the trick.

I kept watching for something big to produce the close, connected feeling I missed.

And then out of nowhere, when I didn’t expect it…God answered.

I had switched my morning devotional book at least three times in recent weeks as I searched to find one that would “scratch the itch” in my soul. Finally, I went to my basement library and again looked through all my old devotionals. I pulled out a small hardback copy of ALL I NEED, which I had read probably a couple of decades ago.

I went back upstairs to my La-Z-Boy recliner and hot tea, book in hand. I turned to that day’s reading to see if it seemed like I might connect with its message.

It was entitled “HIS DAILY PRESENCE.” Nothing flashy, eye-opening or heart-stopping there, but it seemed relevant. I couldn’t remember when or how I had gotten this book so I turned to the front pages for a clue.

The simple inscription in beautiful penmanship, which I recognized right away was from my dear friend Carolyn Dunn, who passed away in November. I always called her my mentor, but had forgotten her words to me:

To Lynn, a sister mentor–Carolyn

The dam of unshed tears broke as I wept openly for my precious friend. I hadn’t said anything to anyone about how terribly I missed her and wished I could talk with her.

But God knew.  And His whispered message was loud and clear: I see your grief. I’ve heard your cries. I love you and gave this message today to remind you.

God-whisper. God-wink.  Godsend. People have all kinds of names for these divine “coincidences.”

Whatever the term, it reminds me of when the Jewish prophet Elijah was feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and ready to give up. He cried out to God and this is how the Almighty responded:

“And as Elijah stood there, the Lord passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper.
–1 Kings 19:11-12

As the song below says: “You whisper love when I feel lost, You whisper peace at any cost. No shout or sign, just quiet grace, Enough to hold me in this place. Your silence isn’t absence, Lord— It’s where Your deepest truths are stored. You speak in whispers, calm and true. And in the quiet… I hear You.”

Dear friend, if you are yearning to hear God’s voice: Keep on asking. Keep on seeking. Keep on knocking. He will answer…and it just might be a whisper.

P.S. As I was writing this blog, I realized it would post three days before what would have been Carolyn’s 82nd birthday. Another Godwink?
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Open in your browser to hear the short song “God Whispers” from Ambient Sounds.

Jun 03

Six Years and Counting: My Oncologist Has Cancer Final Blog #14

SIX…WHOLE…YEARS

That’s how long it’s been since Dr. Marc Hirsh, my dear friend, oncologist and former boss, was diagnosed with a rare, stage 4, incurable neuroendocrine tumor of thymic origin.

Neither the specialists nor Marc expected him to last six weeks, let alone six months…and certainly not six years.

On May 22, 2020, Marc went to the ER with severe chest pain and great difficulty breathing. Imaging showed a 12 cm tumor in the center of his chest had invaded his heart and collapsed one lung. The next day after seeing the reports, Marc instructed his employees to start closing his 31-year-old oncology practice. The next month he devised his own protocol of radiation/hormone therapy/oral chemo and began his healing journey.

Regular follow-ups have miraculously shown the tumor to be smaller (less than 6 cm) and stable.

Last month Marc turned 75 and this week he and Elizabeth celebrated their 46th wedding anniversary. In these past six years, they’ve welcomed two adopted granddaughters, traveled tens of thousands of miles in their RV, and allowed a new dog–a 90-pound golden retriever named Boondock–to steal their hearts.

“I feel like the past six years, in some ways, are the most enjoyable of my life,” Marc says. “I loved being an oncologist, but it was hard work and stressful being in solo practice.”

And while he misses his patients, Marc (an accomplished, multi-instrument musician with a great Bob Dylan voice) really enjoys the extra time he has to relearn classical music, as well as play old favorite Messianic Jewish worship melodies. He’s even taught his only grandson to play the saxophone and describes him as “quite talented.” And after not having enough lung power to play his own sax for the first few years after the diagnosis, Marc once again has picked up his “baby” alto saxophone.

“I still get short of breath and a little light-headed if I forget to stop playing soon enough,” he says with a laugh, “but I’m enjoying it again.

“I’m living like I don’t have cancer,” he adds. “Psychologically, I feel like I’m cured and just slowing down because I’m getting older.”

20th anniversary

When I asked Marc what he’s grateful for in these “extra” six years, he quickly answered: “Definitely more time with Elizabeth, our (two) children and (five) grandchildren…and having time to do things outside of medicine.”

In 2023 another challenge appeared as Elizabeth was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. Her left side is greatly affected and she needs Marc’s assistance with the tasks she no longer can perform by herself. Prescription medicine has helped with some of Elizabeth’s symptoms and she is managing to push through the unpleasant side effects.

At his 5-year “cancerversary” milestone, Marc told me: “I’m incredibly grateful to God that He allowed me to be here for Elizabeth after all she’s done for me.”

When I first blogged about Marc’s diagnosis, I never imagined I would give semi-annual updates for six years. Now that he is finished with check-ups at Hershey Medical and will be followed by local physicians instead, there won’t be any more “updates” from me. Think of it as “no news is good news.”

Marc describes his life-shattering diagnosis as now feeling like a “distant nightmare,” adding “I barely remember it and feel like I’ve totally moved beyond it.”

“I think the thing I’m really grateful about is that I just feel a lot more peaceful, much less anger and frustration with other people,” he explains. “I wouldn’t say I feel closer to God, but it’s more of a peaceful relationship.”

To which I say, thank You, Jesus, for six…whole…years.
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Please open in your browser to hear Rich Mullins, Marc and Elizabeth’s favorite Christian artist, sing “You’re My One Thing.” Songwriters: Rich Mullins © 1989 Edward Grant Inc.

May 20

Do You or Someone You Know Need a Vacation From Illness?

Our extended family of 14 (seven adults and seven kids) always spends a fun-filled vacation week together and this year we’ll be heading back to a lakeside home in the Poconos Mountains (a.k.a. foothills). I think most of us are counting the days until we can relax, refresh, renew…and catch more fish with Grandpa!

Ever feel like you need a vacation from whatever health trial you and your family are facing?

You probably do (or you know someone who does)—at least a mental one, if not a physical respite as well.

Believe it or not the chemo room at Dr. Marc Hirsh’s office, where I worked as a patient advocate for nearly 20 years, became a mini-vacation from illness for patients when we threw elaborate parties for two days near Halloween.

One year it was a Sesame Street theme and I obliged as Miss Piggy. (For the record, I “porked up” with eight pairs of rolled up socks under my skirt and down my blouse!)

Another year we dressed up as Wizard of Oz characters with good and bad witches giving chemo. I covered my whole yellow-clad body with a long piece of yellow shelf paper.

“Follow the yellow brick road!” I announced in my best Munchkin voice as I led patients back to the treatment room.

You’ve probably heard of the non-profit organization Make-a-Wish which grants wishes for children facing a life-threatening illness—often a trip to Disney World or a chance to meet a famous athlete or movie star, but there also are programs for adults.  

If you search “free wish-granting for adult patients” a slew of them come up. This list will get you started on vacays for all kinds of serious illnesseshttps://cancercarenews.com/more-cancer-freebies/wishes/ But don’t make the mistake I did once by searching for “adult wishes” as that’s an entirely different category!

My friend Barb Titanish and her wonderful H.O.P.E. ministry, have created a beautiful farmhouse retreat in south-central Pennsylvania where folks can have a vacation from cancer. The 18-acre site has a beautiful farmhouse, a swimming pool, peaceful walking trails, a tranquility garden and a fire pit . Folks can come for three to five days. https://hopelifeline.org/application-for-haven/ 

“Whether you are just diagnosed, starting a new treatment or at the end of life, you need to give yourself a break,” says Barb. 

You also can create a mini-vacation from illness right in your own home. Declare every first Friday of the month to be “Cancer-Free Friday” where you only watch funny movies and no one is allowed to mention the “C” word. Or plan an outing for the day—a backroads ride with a picnic or an ice cream stop. Perhaps a mani-pedi and a tea room. Or maybe an afternoon hitting golf balls and eating BBQ.

Ask yourself, what would help your mind/body/spirit to take a vacation from whatever you’re facing? Pray about it and ask God how you or someone you know can make it happen. People cannot read your mind so let those who have asked to help you know what you really need. You deserve a break today…and I’m not thinking McDonald’s.

When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs.
The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings. Psalm 84:6

Adapted from Peace in the Face of Cancer ©2017 by Lynn Eib

P.S. I’d love for you to leave a comment about vacation plans you have for any kind of R&R this summer!)

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Open in your browser to hear Refresh Me by Leeland

Apr 22

The Most Important Thing about You

I treasure this depiction of “God” drawn decades ago by my youngest daughter Lindsey. Don’t you love God’s cape? Obviously a superhero to her not-quite 6-year-old eyes.

So I’m wondering what did God look like to you when you were a child? Has your mental picture stayed pretty much the same or has it changed?

I think most of us probably have some inaccurate views of God–images not taught in scripture, but impressed upon us by songs, movies or our upbringing. Contrary to that beautiful Bette Midler melody, God is not watching us from a distance. And while Garth Brooks is correct that “some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers,” we are not just talking to “the man upstairs.”

Twentieth-century American author/pastor A. W. Tozer made an amazing statement about how we view God:

Wow! The most important thing about you and me is not our jobs, education, money, looks or even our families. Instead the very most important thing about us is what we think about God–who He is, how He acts, what He can and cannot do.

In fact, our view of God shapes our attitudes, our emotions, our responses, and our plans in unimaginable ways.

So do you think of God as “the man upstairs” who’s nearby and helps out if we need a hand? Or is He the Creator who laid the foundations of the earth (Job 38:4) and whose power and presence cannot be contained in a building or a universe (2 Chronicles 2:6)?

Is He like Santa Claus making a list of who’s naughty and nice? Or is He the God of grace, giving us what we don’t deserve and of mercy, not giving us what we do deserve (John 1:16, Ephesians 2:4)?

Is the God in your mind a strict dictator only looking out for Himself? Or is He the always good Father who
“loved the world so much that He gave His one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16)?

Is your image of God one of a magic genie who grants our wishes if we utter the right prayer or say the perfect number of Hail Marys? Or is He the holy Almighty “beyond our reach and exalted in power” (Job 37:23) and for whom “nothing is impossible” (Luke 1:37)?

Ponder your situation or your loved one’s and ask yourself: What am I thinking about God in relation to this trial…this diagnosis…this struggle…this fear…this disappointment…this loss?

Is your image of Him found in the Bible or has it been pieced together from some less reliable sources?

I love author Ann Spangler’s description of God: “With no failings or flaws, He is better than the best person you have ever met or read about. Because God is entirely good, there is never any room for improvement, never any need for change. Everything about Him–His thoughts, motives, intentions, plans, words, commands, decisions, and actions–is good.”

The LORD, the God of compassion and mercy!
I am slow to anger and filled with unfailing love and faithfulness.
—God speaking to Moses, Exodus 34:6

If that is what comes to mind when we think about God, it will change the way we face the trials of life.

Dear friend, no matter what happens–or doesn’t happen–to you or your loved one, I promise you that no one has ever, or will ever, love you as much as our good, good Heavenly Father does.
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Open in your browser to hear “Good Good Father” by Chris Tomlin ℗ 2015 sixstepsrecords LLC and Capitol CMG, Inc.

Mar 25

How My Cell Phone and My Husband Irritated Me

Sleepover “twinning” with the youngest grand

On and off for the past couple of years, my cell phone has been driving me crazy.

Just as I was falling asleep, I would hear a very loud noise, which sounded like some sort of a warning buzzer coming from my phone (in “Do Not Disturb” mode) lying on my bedside table.

Because I have a very strong “startle reflex”–inherited from my mother and grandmother, and unfortunately passed on to two of my daughters–when that “alarm” went off, I sat right up in bed, wide awake. I couldn’t believe my husband slept right through it! I immediately checked the phone, but found no emergency alerts activated. Twice I asked my girls to investigate why my phone was doing this, but they couldn’t find any cause either.

Fortunately, this only happened every few months, but recently it occurred two nights in a row. Now I was really irritated–both with my phone and with my husband for sleeping through such an earth-shattering sound! The next night I moved my phone across the room and covered it up, so I couldn’t possibly hear it.

But, you guessed it…it happened again. The strange part was the loud buzzer still sounded as if it were right next to me.

So the following day I googled “loud noise waking me up at night.” I skipped over the AI blurb and looked at the article from the very reputable Cleveland Clinic entitled “Exploding Head Syndrome (EHS).”

Say what???

It sounded like a joke, but I quickly read through the overview: “Often described as hearing sounds like explosions, gunshots, thunder or other loud noises. The sound isn’t real and nobody else can hear it.” (I immediately apologized to both my phone for not actually making any sound and to my husband for not actually being able to hear it! And I also was so glad I hadn’t “heard” an explosion or gunshot!)

The cause of this sleep disorder is unknown, although one possibility is the brain having an abnormal sleep transition–which seems to be my case as it occurs just after I’ve fallen asleep or just before I’m ready to wake up.

(I’m reluctantly adding Exploding Head Syndrome to my growing list of weird, chronic conditions, including post-herpetic neuralgia, psoas syndrome, hyper-accoustic ear, and plantar plate tear.)

 

So what’s interrupting your “dreams” these days? A health crisis? Marriage struggles? Job insecurity? Financial woes?

And what’s keeping you awake at night? War worries? Stock market anxiety? Wayward children? Aging parents? Unrelenting grief?

As for me, I’m trying to see life’s trials–including my “exploding head”–as an opportunity to really keep focused on the Lord. I know that when we’re weary, God can get our attention in a way that doesn’t always happen when life’s happy and smooth. (But it’s definitely not my preferred method!)

I keep reminding myself of the words to a song by Tim Timmons, a 25-year survivor of a rare, incurable cancer:

In the morning, You have my attention
In the evening, You have my attention
Every season, the laughing, the breaking
The dancing, the waiting
You have my attention

I don’t like the weariness I feel in my life and in this world, but I am listening for God’s “still, small voice.”

Weary friends, feel free to leave a comment so I can pray for you, too.

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Open in your browser to be encouraged by “No Other Gods” from Tim Timmons.
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