Category: anger

Who or What are You Missing Today?

 

My parents’ 50th anniversary in 2002

My Dad would have turned 96 today if he hadn’t passed away in 2011. I can still recall my last phone conversation with him after the hospice nurse called to say his time was short. We lived several hours away and even though we left as soon as we could, we did not get there in time.

Meanwhile, my Mother–recovering from cancer surgery in an out-of-town hospital–was transported by ambulance back to their assisted living facility, but also arrived too late. Exactly three years and three weeks later, she died too.

Many years have passed, but I still miss them terribly.  And deep down, we’re all grieving some kind of loss aren’t we? Whether it’s been days or decades since we got the bad news, we all mourn something ripped from our grasp: health, marriage, finances, friendship, dreams, and so much more.

Whatever you’ve lost, I pray that my friend David’s story will encourage your weary heart today–or perhaps you’ll share it with someone else who needs uplifting.

David[1]has faced the incomprehensible twice with his family. The first time was when his youngest son Kevin died of AIDS. The second was a few years later when his middle son Alan committed suicide.

“These past months have been like a dream gone bad,” David says. “My feelings have ranged from shock and disbelief to pain, anger and guilt.”

David, a man of great faith who is a respected Bible teacher, is at a loss to understand how and why 49-year-old Alan could do the unthinkable, leaving behind his wife and three children.

Image by Liz Masoner from Pixabay

“Alan was a handsome, intelligent, free-spirited, fun-loving guy; a prankster with an extraordinary sense of humor who could make even the most orthodox double over in laughter in a heartbeat,” David says. “Alan was high voltage, fearless and loved living life on the edge. He was into dirt bikes, hunting, catching rattlesnakes and sky-diving.”

But in recent years Alan became addicted to prescription painkillers from several injuries and surgeries, David says. And on a cold winter day he left his Michigan home in deep despair and disappeared into some nearby woods where he took his own life.

The days since Alan’s death “have been most challenging to say the least,” David says. “Sudden waves of grief come rushing in from out of nowhere, twisting our souls with all kinds of emotional contortions,” David says.

And yet even as their world has been terribly shaken again, David and his wife are finding God’s supernatural strength is seeing them through.

“When we find ourselves in the deepest of despair, still underneath us are His everlasting arms,” David explains. “As believers we are not immune to the tragedies of life—even when everything around us seems to collapse, we never can be brought so low as to be beyond the reach of the Father’s everlasting arms.”

The eternal God is your refuge and underneath are the everlasting arms. Deuteronomy 33:27

My friend, whatever loss you are grieving today–please remember you never can be brought so low as to be beyond the reach of the Father’s everlasting arms.  Let Him safely hold you today.

Excerpted from When GOD & Grief Meet © 2009 by Lynn Eib.
[1] Names and a few details of David’s story have been changed to protect his family’s privacy. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Open in your browser to hear the music video “All Who are Thirsty” Copyright Vineyard Worship featuring Benton Brown.

Where’s God when I really need Him?

Why doesn’t God keep little children from getting cancer?

Why didn’t God protect that family from the drunk driver?

Why did my friend have to bury yet-another spouse?

Why did God allow……………..you fill in the blanks.

We sometimes struggle with not sensing God’s nearness, not feeling His presence or not seeing His power in the way we had hoped. If you’ve ever agonizingly cried out “Where are you, God?” you know exactly what I mean.

I certainly would never attempt to explain all God’s actions (or perceived inactions), but I do believe there are spiritual truths which can help in those desperation times.

One of these truths is gleaned from Joshua 3* as the Israelites prepared to cross the Jordan River into the land God promised them:

“So the people left their camp to cross the Jordan, and the priests who were carrying the Ark of the Covenant went ahead of them.  It was the harvest season, and the Jordan was overflowing its banks. But as soon as the feet of the priests who were carrying the Ark touched the water at the river’s edge,  the water above that point began backing up a great distance away at a town called Adam, which is near Zarethan. And the water below that point flowed on to the Dead Sea until the riverbed was dry. Then all the people crossed over near the town of Jericho.”

Can you picture the one- to two- million people biblical scholars estimate stood at the river’s edge? As they watched the river overflow its banks, I can only only imagine their desperate thoughts: OK, God, where are you? We’re all going to die here!

But God didn’t push back the water right in front of His people. Instead He was working upstream at a town called Adam (estimated by scholars to be almost 20 miles away). That’s where the water backed up and allowed all those millions to walk across downstream on dry land.

I love how my pastor Brian Jones discusses this “upstream” phenomena in his book Second Guessing God:  Hanging on When You Can’t See His Plan:

“Where’s God? Whenever we face a problem in our lives—sickness, job loss, depression, tragedy, or discouragement—God is at work upstream in those situations, beyond our line of sight. The only thing the Israelites could see was the problem right in front of them. They could have concluded that since the raging river was there, God wasn’t actively involved in their situation, but they would have been wrong. He was there; they just couldn’t see him at work.”

Are you having trouble seeing God at work in your life or in the life of someone you love? Those are the times we all need to trust that our heavenly Father hears, cares and is at work……..upstream.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

*This insight about God working upstream is not original as I have read several authors/speakers who have shared it.

Be sure to open this blog in your browser to hear the music video below, “Way Maker” with Michael W. Smith.

 

Dumping Our Anger

 

When I was in the hospital after my cancer surgery, a friend came into my room with a big smile and announced: “God is going to teach you great things through this trial!”

I wanted to take the IV out of my arm, stab it in hers, and tell her, “You get in the bed and learn great things from God, because I ­don’t want to learn this way!”

Of course, I didn’t say that. Instead I just smiled and hoped she would leave very soon.

If you had asked me in June of 1990 whether I was angry about the nightmare unfolding before me–stage 3 cancer at age 36 with three young daughters and a husband who already had buried his first wife--I would have insisted that I was not. After all, it’s not really proper for a Baptist minister’s wife to get angry, is it?

But as I look back on those dark days after diagnosis, I realize I experienced a bevy of emotions: shock, disbelief, denial, disappointment, frustration, sadness, worry and yes, anger.

I don’t know what deep suffering or  overwhelming struggles you’ve had to face. Maybe you’re not as angry as I was; perhaps you’re only just a tiny bit ticked. Then again, maybe “fury” better describes what you’re feeling today.

Where can you go to dump it?

I suggest you run where all those with great suffering need to run: to the only One whose shoulders are broad enough, whose arms are strong enough and whose love is deep enough.

“It’s all right—questions, pain, and stabbing anger can be poured out
to the Infinite One
and He will not be damaged…
For we beat on His chest from within the circle of His arms.”
 Anne Cetas, Our Daily Bread.

Can you visualize that for yourself? You crying out to God, beating your clenched fists upon His chest and Him holding you in His loving arms.

            I am exhausted from crying for help; my throat is parched.
My eyes are swollen with weeping, waiting for my God to help me.
Psalm 69:3

My God, my God, why have you abandoned me? Why are you so far away when I groan for help?
Every day I call to you, my God, 
but you do not answer.
Every night you hear my voice, but I find no relief.
Psalm 22:1-2

And then after you’ve hurled your questions heavenward, don’t forget to go to God’s Word to find His response. A good place to start might be the promise He gave to Jeremiah, who was filled with so much grief he has been called “the weeping prophet:”

“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.
I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt…”

 Jeremiah 31:3, 4

I believe our heavenly Father is the best place to turn with our suffering. He’ll either give us the answers we seek, or the peace we need to live with the questions.

(Be sure to open this blog in your browser to hear the music video below “Cry Out to Jesus” by Third Day.)

 

Having some doubts?

Have the trials of life caused you to doubt God? Are you wondering why He hasn’t shown up in answer to your fervent prayers?

“Doubt rises up to obscure His presence and disillusionment settles into despair,” writes Dr. James Dobson in When God Doesn’t Make Sense. “The greatest frustration is knowing that (God) created the entire universe by simply speaking it into existence, and He has all the power and all understanding. He could rescue. He could heal. He could save. But why won’t He do it?”

Feeling abandoned by God is especially terrible to experience after you earlier felt a closeness with Him.

“Satan then drops by for a little visit and whispers ‘He is not there! You are alone!’” Dr. Dobson adds.

I can’t begin to explain why your loved one passed away or why your child has cancer or why you or your loved one have received such a dismal diagnosis. I agree with you that it doesn’t make sense, it doesn’t seem right, and it certainly doesn’t feel like God cares.

 

Back in the summer of 1990 my husband was leaving the hospital where I was recuperating from colon cancer surgery and the car in front of him had a bumper sticker which read: 

“Is He really?” my husband muttered to himself that day.

The possibility of burying another wife had shaken his faith to its core and Ralph actually wondered how he ever was going to preach again.

But as he prayed and studied that week for his next sermon, he came to the conclusion that despite life’s really tough situations, we all are deeply loved by our Heavenly Father. And the way we can know that for certain, my husband concluded, is because God proved it once and for all two-thousand years ago when He sent His only Son to die on the cross for your sins and for mine.

My husband finished what was one of his most stirring sermons ever, by declaring that even if God never answered another single prayer on our behalf, He already has done enough. When God raised Jesus to life, He defeated our greatest enemy: Death…and that is enough.

 

So go ahead and ask God all your questions. But remember, God is not required to defend His actions (or seeming inactions) to you and you may never know in this lifetime the reasons for the suffering which has touched your life.

He asks only one thing of you—to trust Him even when it doesn’t make sense.

My husband and the bumper sticker were right–Jesus is enough.

(Be sure to open in your browser to listen to the music video below.)

Have you raised a HALLELUJAH today?

A diagnosis of cancer or any difficult trial brings with it many responses, but “Hallelujah!” is not usually one of them. When I found out my cells had gone awry and allowed cancer to grow inside me, gratefulness was pretty much the last thing I felt. 

But I kept thinking about the admonition in the Bible to “give thanks in all circumstances” (1 Thessalonians 5:18). I knew that did not mean I had to be some sort of masochist and praise God for ­every­ awful thing that happened to me. Instead, I believed it meant I could have a thankful heart no matter how depressing my circumstances were.

So a few weeks after my diagnosis in 1990, I began to look for something for which to be thankful. It was one of those conversations between my head and my heart.

Let’s see . . . I have cancer at the age of 36 after taking good care of myself physically. No, ­can’t think of anything worthy of thanks there.

My three little girls may have to grow up without a mother. Nope, that ­doesn’t work either.

My husband already has buried one wife and now has a 60-percent chance he’ll outlive another. Naw, that isn’t inspiring any words of praise.

­I’m going to have to take toxic chemotherapy, when I ­don’t even like to take an aspirin. Not much there to feel grateful about.

Finally, it came to me.

Dr.  Marc Hirsh! I have a Messianic ­Jewish oncologist—who knows, maybe the country’s ­only Messianic ­Jewish oncologist—practicing medicine just seven miles from my home. I humbly bowed my head and heart and for the first time since hearing the dreaded news “you have cancer,” I thanked God in the midst of my circumstance.

“Father, you know I ­don’t feel any thankfulness about my situation, but I want to thank You for leading Dr. Marc Hirsh here to be my physician.”

I can ­only imagine God smiling and saying, “Now you’re getting it. Just wait to see how ­really thankful you’re going to be when you I use this doctor to change your life.”

After that prayer, the rest is history, as they say. (If you want to read the earlier incredible story of Marc’s spiritual journey to faith in Jesus as his Messiah, you’ll have to read my first book, When God & Cancer Meet.) But the short story of our “doctor-patient relationship” is that our families became close friends and in 1996 he and his wife Elizabeth offered me a position in his office as a patient advocate providing emotional and spiritual care to cancer patients and their caregivers. I ­can’t imagine what my life would have been like without being a patient advocate for nearly 20 years.

If you or your loved one have a cancer diagnosis or are facing some other unwanted difficulty, I’m wondering if in the midst of your circumstances you have found a reason to raise a HALLELUJAH–literally “praise song” (hallelu) “God” (Jah)).

I think the Old Testament prophet Habakkuk penned a wonderful example of offering a “sacrifice of praise” (Hebrews 13:15) even when everything around him was going wrong:

Even though the fig trees have no blossoms,
And though there are no grapes on the vines;
Even though the olive crop fails,
And the fields lie empty and barren;
Even though the flocks die in the fields,
And the cattle barns are empty,

Yet I will rejoice in the LORD!

I will be joyful in the God of my salvation! Habakkuk 3:17,18

Go ahead, be thankful in all things—even when the hair follicles have no “blossoms,” even though your strength “fails”” and even though your dreams “lie empty and barren.” Go ahead and “Raise a Hallelujah” because a prayer of thanksgiving can unleash the power of God in our lives in amazing ways! (Don’t miss the music video below–open in your browser to view!)