Category: why?

Feb 05

Dumping Our Anger

 

When I was in the hospital after my cancer surgery, a friend came into my room with a big smile and announced: “God is going to teach you great things through this trial!”

I wanted to take the IV out of my arm, stab it in hers, and tell her, “You get in the bed and learn great things from God, because I ­don’t want to learn this way!”

Of course, I didn’t say that. Instead I just smiled and hoped she would leave very soon.

If you had asked me in June of 1990 whether I was angry about the nightmare unfolding before me–stage 3 cancer at age 36 with three young daughters and a husband who already had buried his first wife--I would have insisted that I was not. After all, it’s not really proper for a Baptist minister’s wife to get angry, is it?

But as I look back on those dark days after diagnosis, I realize I experienced a bevy of emotions: shock, disbelief, denial, disappointment, frustration, sadness, worry and yes, anger.

I don’t know what deep suffering or  overwhelming struggles you’ve had to face. Maybe you’re not as angry as I was; perhaps you’re only just a tiny bit ticked. Then again, maybe “fury” better describes what you’re feeling today.

Where can you go to dump it?

I suggest you run where all those with great suffering need to run: to the only One whose shoulders are broad enough, whose arms are strong enough and whose love is deep enough.

“It’s all right—questions, pain, and stabbing anger can be poured out
to the Infinite One and He will not be damaged…
For we beat on His chest from within the circle of His arms.”
 Anne Cetas, Our Daily Bread.

Can you visualize that for yourself? You crying out to God, beating your clenched fists upon His chest and Him holding you in His loving arms.

            I am exhausted from crying for help; my throat is parched.
My eyes are swollen with weeping, waiting for my God to help me. Psalm 69:3

My God, my God, why have you abandoned me? Why are you so far away when I groan for help?
Every day I call to you, my God, but you do not answer.
Every night you hear my voice, but I find no relief. Psalm 22:1-2

And then after you’ve hurled your questions heavenward, don’t forget to go to God’s Word to find His response. A good place to start might be the promise He gave to Jeremiah, who was filled with so much grief he has been called “the weeping prophet:”

“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.
I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt…”
 Jeremiah 31:3, 4

I believe our heavenly Father is the best place to turn with our suffering. He’ll either give us the answers we seek, or the peace we need to live with the questions.

(Be sure to open this blog in your browser to hear the music video below “Cry Out to Jesus” by Third Day.)

 

Dec 18

IF ONLY…

If only I hadn’t missed that one little step on the deck, fallen and broken my wrist fourteen months ago.  If only that tumble didn’t cause a nerve injury, greatly impeding my recovery and still needing prescription pain relief. If only all the trauma  didn’t bring on tachycardia, requiring a complete cardiac workup and lifestyle changes. If only a screw didn’t come loose a year later, necessitating removal of the hardware. If only being intubated for the surgery didn’t cause painful TMJ.  If only I didn’t have to start all over again with occupational therapy.

All these health struggles caused by one little missed step.

How about you? Any “if onlys” in your life or your loved one’s?

If only this diagnosis had not come right now. If only that distracted driver hadn’t rear ended us. If only my partner hadn’t been unfaithful. If only I didn’t lose my job. If only my loved one was still here with me. If only…you fill in the blanks.

 

In the Gospel of John we read about sisters Mary and Martha who sent a message to Jesus concerning their brother Lazarus: “Lord, your dear friend is very sick.” Jesus got the message and then promptly stayed put for two more days. By the time he arrived at Lazarus’ home, his friend had been in the grave four days.

Martha ran outside the village to meet Jesus and told him: “Lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died.” (John 11:21, italics mine)

Shortly, Mary arrived with the same heartbroken words: “Lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died.” (John 11:32, italics mine)

Jesus followed the two women to Lazarus’ grave and scripture tells us He was both angry and weeping. He knew His Heavenly Father was going to raise His friend back to life in a few moments, but that didn’t prevent Jesus from being mad and from crying.

Friends, I believe Jesus cares deeply about our “if onlys.” I believe He is angry when our frail bodies break down with sickness and injury. He’s angry when other people’s missteps cause us pain and suffering. He’s angry when partners are unfaithful. He’s angry when unfairness happens to us. He’s angry when death temporarily steals a loved one from us.

If you are wondering what Jesus thinks about your “if onlys”…He’s weeping with you.

He’s shedding tears because we have to experience trials in this life and He longs for us all to be in Heaven where the Book of Revelation tells us “there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”

Right before Jesus prayed for Lazarus’ resurrection, He told all the weeping mourners: “Didn’t I tell you that you would see the glory of God if you believe?” (He didn’t add the word “only” but His message is the same.)

I can’t tell you exactly how God is going to respond to your painful “if only,” but I know He loves you and if only you believe–trust in Him–you will see His glory some how, some way, some time. He may bring physical healing or emotional soothing or relationship restoration or supernatural comfort.  As the song below reminds us: “When your pain runs deep, His love runs deeper still.”

Open in your browser to hear the music video “Somewhere in Your Silent Night” by Casting Crowns

Nov 13

Are You Good Enough to be Healed?

 

Illness helps you sort out who your real friends are. Often people you never realized cared for you step up and provide incredible support. And then there are those on whom you counted but they fail to come through for you.

My friend Kristie expected to get some words of healing and blessing when she went to talk to her pastor shortly after a diagnosis of breast cancer sent her reeling just before her 40th birthday.

She didn’t get either.

“There was no comfort from him,” Kristie recalls more than 25 years later. “He told me ‘You deserved this. You’ve done something wrong, something bad and this is God’s way of showing you that.’ He was adamant about it. ”

Obviously, Kristie went looking for encouragement in other places after that conversation!

Sadly, I have talked to many people over the years who thought—or at least wondered if—their diagnosis was indeed a punishment from God. Usually there was something they did—or failed to do—and the thought the diagnosis might be God’s response to that wrongdoing.

While I have no doubt that illness can get our attention and even spur folks on to change their wayward ways, I don’t believe God is in the business of zapping people with serious illness to get them to shape up. If doing something wrong or “bad” led to cancer, everyone in the world would be needing to make an appointment with an oncologist!

Even in Jesus’ time people were tempted to always equate sickness with sin. Jesus disciples once asked him: “Why was this man born blind? Was it because of his own sins or his parents?”

Jesus’ reply was clear: “It was not because of his sins or his parents’ sins…This happened so the power of God could be seen in him.” (John 9:2,3)

So I remind you today, neither you or your loved one is facing a serious illness because you ­weren’t good enough. And you don’t need to do something ­special to earn or deserve healing from God. Don’t try to ­bargain with Him by being an especially good person, ­hoping He will reach down and heal. There’s nothing you can do to make God love you any more—or any less—than He already does. He proved that a long time ago:

This is real love. It is not that we loved God,
but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. 1 John 4:10

This is the way pastor-author Max Lucado describes it in his book In the Grip of Grace:
“You wonder how long my love will last? Find your answer on a splintered cross, on a craggy hill.
That’s me you see up there, your maker, your God, nail-stabbed and bleeding.
Covered in spit and sin-soaked. “That’s your sin I’m feeling. That’s your death I’m dying.
That’s your resurrection I’m living. That’s how much I love you.”

So if you’re still searching for an answer to the “why” question regarding your or your loved one’s illness… maybe, just maybe, it has happened so that the power of an incredibly loving God can be seen in you.

Be sure to open this blog in your browser so you don’t miss the beautiful song below by Chris Tomlin.

Oct 30

Yes, Your Suspicions Are True

 

I know many of you have suspected this about me for quite some time. Certainly my husband has. But now it’s confirmed in black-and-white.

I have a screw loose.

In the interest of full disclosure, I must tell you that this is not an x-ray of my loose screw. There wasn’t time to get a copy of my x-ray for this blog, so I did what any resourceful writer does…googled  “loose screw” and voilà!

My loose screw is in my left wrist, which I broke a year ago requiring surgery and the implantation of a stainless steel T-shaped plate and four screws for the distal radius break. And my screw is not as loose as this floating one–it’s just wriggled up a little too high, causing a lot of pain.

Actually by the time you’re reading this, I probably won’t have a loose screw anymore. Surgery to remove all the hardware is scheduled for the morning of Oct. 30. Therapy with a certified hand therapist begins a few days later and continues twice weekly for six weeks. Did I mention that I ALREADY did twice-weekly therapy for more than five months and daily wrist exercises for 11 months?!

If I’m being honest, I must tell you that I wish I could turn back the clock to Oct. 23, 2018, and not miss a step on our deck. And not fall forward onto the concrete. And not have a nerve injury which without medication causes terrible, burning pain. And certainly not have a screw loose.

How about you? Do you wish you could turn back the clock?

To the time before you heard the diagnosis. To the day before the accident.  To the happier years of your marriage. To the moment when your loved one was still by your side. To the…fill in the blank.

The psalmist, too, longed for the good ol’ days.

“My heart is breaking as I remember how it used to be: I walked among the crowds of worshippers leading a great procession to the house of God, singing for joy and giving thanks amid the sound of a great celebration!” Psalm 42:4

I’m sure you recall things you or your loved one used to do which aren’t possible anymore–or at least not done as easily. It’s difficult not to be disheartened when life seems to knock us down…or loosen our screws.

But if we keep reading in Psalm 42, we see how the unknown author (perhaps King David) responds to his personal weariness.

“Why am I discouraged ?
Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
I will praise Him again–
my Savior and my God!”

Author Chris Tiegreen says in his devotional Worship the King: “How you handle your pain says a lot about what you think of God. It indicates whether you trust Him or not, even in your deepest despair. It says that you may not understand your circumstances, but you know who governs them.”

“When life hurts, give it to God,” Tiegreen adds. “Trust Him with it. When you’re crushed, your faith honors Him in ways that your faith at other times cannot.”

This weekend we  literally turn our clocks back one hour as Daylight Savings Time ends (unless, of course, you’re really smart and live in Arizona or Hawaii). It’s a good time to remind ourselves to quit looking back on what was or what might have been. Instead, let’s look forward to our hope in a God who “encourages the discouraged.” (2 Corinthians 7:6)

P.S. Typing is pretty painful so if you don’t see a blog in two weeks, you’ll know why!
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Sep 25

Having some doubts?

Have the trials of life caused you to doubt God? Are you wondering why He hasn’t shown up in answer to your fervent prayers?

“Doubt rises up to obscure His presence and disillusionment settles into despair,” writes Dr. James Dobson in When God Doesn’t Make Sense. “The greatest frustration is knowing that (God) created the entire universe by simply speaking it into existence, and He has all the power and all understanding. He could rescue. He could heal. He could save. But why won’t He do it?”

Feeling abandoned by God is especially terrible to experience after you earlier felt a closeness with Him.

“Satan then drops by for a little visit and whispers ‘He is not there! You are alone!’” Dr. Dobson adds.

I can’t begin to explain why your loved one passed away or why your child has cancer or why you or your loved one have received such a dismal diagnosis. I agree with you that it doesn’t make sense, it doesn’t seem right, and it certainly doesn’t feel like God cares.

 

Back in the summer of 1990 my husband was leaving the hospital where I was recuperating from colon cancer surgery and the car in front of him had a bumper sticker which read: 

“Is He really?” my husband muttered to himself that day.

The possibility of burying another wife had shaken his faith to its core and Ralph actually wondered how he ever was going to preach again.

But as he prayed and studied that week for his next sermon, he came to the conclusion that despite life’s really tough situations, we all are deeply loved by our Heavenly Father. And the way we can know that for certain, my husband concluded, is because God proved it once and for all two-thousand years ago when He sent His only Son to die on the cross for your sins and for mine.

My husband finished what was one of his most stirring sermons ever, by declaring that even if God never answered another single prayer on our behalf, He already has done enough. When God raised Jesus to life, He defeated our greatest enemy: Death…and that is enough.

 

So go ahead and ask God all your questions. But remember, God is not required to defend His actions (or seeming inactions) to you and you may never know in this lifetime the reasons for the suffering which has touched your life.

He asks only one thing of you—to trust Him even when it doesn’t make sense.

My husband and the bumper sticker were right–Jesus is enough.

(Be sure to open in your browser to listen to the music video below.)