Category: strength

Jun 04

Restoring What the Locusts Have Eaten

This is the story of one woman’s pain, her mistakes, and her grief. But it’s especially the story of how God redeemed her heartaches…and her soul.

My dear friend Carmen grew up with an angry, abusive father, whom her mother divorced when Carmen was about 11 or 12. As she looks back on her rough childhood, she believes she suffered from undiagnosed clinical depression from her teens through early adulthood.

“I remember being tired, bored, lonely, and feeling nothing really made me happy,” she recalls.

Eventually she met a handsome star athlete as she was moving into her dorm at Temple University in Philly. They quickly were in a “serious dating relationship,” but before long, he “cheated” on her.

“My depression became worse and I internalized all the hurt,” Carmen says. “I thought the only way out of the pain was to end my life.

“That was the first attempt to take my life and then I compounded the problem by marrying him,” she acknowledges.

The second suicide attempt came after her new husband continued to stray.

“I tried to end my life again, but God wouldn’t have it,” Carmen remembers. “Even then, God had a bigger purpose for my life.”

The infidelity pain was compounded by two tragedies: Before the couple married in 1985, a baby boy born without kidneys who survived a mere 16 hours; then another son born in 1986 with multiple birth defects, who lived only 16 months.

Carmen was devastated.

Renea & Carmen

“I was so angry with God I went to see my friend Renea, who talked about knowing God–and I wanted some answers!,” she recalls. “I always thought she was the best friend and that she would be a really great friend if she’s just quit talking about Jesus!”

But when Carmen took her angry questions to her friend, “she gently and kindly told me about Jesus–a real Savior who wanted a relationship with me.”

The two women, friends since teenagers, started going to worship together, and Carmen still remembers the pastor’s sermon which changed her life. It was the story in 2 Chronicles 20 where the Israelites prayed and “raised a hallelujah,” and God made a way where there seemed to be no way.

“For the first time, the Word of God actually made sense to me,” Carmen says. “I went down front (of the sanctuary) and gave my life to the Lord on January 31, 1988.”

“Since then it has been a beautiful adventure,” she says, “I was miraculously healed of the depression and when my husband cheated on me again, I didn’t blame myself because I knew I was a child of God!

“I looked up and said ‘I deserve better than this!’ and that gave me the strength to leave him.”

Fast-forward to August 1997 when a co-worker introduced Carmen to his friend Greg. It was another whirlwind romance, but Carmen was not the same person.

“My criteria was a husband who loved God even more than he loved me, and I found one,” she explains.

Carmen’s recent 60th birthday party

The couple married in March 1998 and have since adopted two children, son Quinn (now 16) from Ethiopia and daughter Makenzie (now 11) born in the States.

“God has restored everything that was taken from me,” Carmen says. “He completely healed my broken heart over my babies and He’s given me two beautiful children and a wonderful husband…this is a testimony of what God has done!”

No wonder one of Carmen’s favorite verses is Joel 2:25:

I will restore to you the years the locusts have eaten.

Carmen has been in my weekly women’s Bible study for almost four years and our group was shocked to learn of the heartaches she has faced, as she is known for her beautiful, glowing smile.

“It’s joy!,” she told us. “It’s not happiness; before I was seeking happiness and now I have JOY!

“I don’t share my story so you will feel sorry for me, but because I want you to know the miracle of God,” she explains. “I know God is real!”

As an adult, Carmen forgave and reconciled with her dad and they had many good years together before his death in 2005.

“He was just a flawed human being in need of forgiveness, just like the rest of us,” she explains. “And like my favorite song says: May my whole life prove that God is good.”

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Please open in your browser so you don’t miss Carmen’s favorite song, “God is Good” by Jonathan McReynolds. “The first time I heard it, I just broke down,” she says.

May 21

All Shall Be Well

Like most of us, Kevin Cross’s life has been full of unexpected twists and turns–many of them wonderful, at least one terrifying. And as soon as I heard his “full-circle” story, I knew I wanted to share it.

The Cross home on the Tred Avon River

His life dream started very young.

“When I was little, I used to play at being a priest,” Kevin, 72, recalls. “I gave my sisters Necco (candy) wafers for communion!”

In college Kevin continued his dream of becoming a Jesuit priest…until he attended a Catholic retreat and met a young blonde named Barbara.

The two quickly fell in love and “that kind of ended that career choice!” Kevin says with a laugh.

They married in 1974 and after earning a Master’s in psychiatric social work, he worked in counseling and human resources for the next three decades.

Then came another unexpected turn when he and Barbara attended a retreat in 2003.

“When we got there, I found out it was a 3-day silent retreat, which didn’t sound that great,” Kevin recalls. “But afterwards as soon as I got back in the car, I started hearing in my head  ‘I want you to be a priest’.”

He wrestled with such a momentous change, but finally decided to go to seminary and become an Episcopal priest.

“Father Cross” has been his calling  ever since.

Volunteer chaplain at the National Cathedral

For the past 14 years he’s been rector at Church of the Holy Trinity, Oxford, MD, on the Eastern shore of the Chesapeake Bay. (Known as “The Village Vicar” in this community of only 600.)

The most difficult path Kevin’s been forced to take began in 2019 when he insisted his family doctor do some cardiac screening because  he was 67 and “so many of my parishioners were having strokes and heart attacks.”

The coronary calcium scan which looks for plaque in the arteries scored him a perfect zero. But the x-ray images of his heart showed something else.

“You’ve got a spot on your right lung that looks suspicious,” the doctor reported and prescribed an antibiotic in hopes it was merely an infection.

But a few months later the answer came: “It’s grown and you need to have it out.”

Kevin’s right lower lobe lung was removed and the pathology identified melanoma, which meant it was stage 4. (The primary skin site never was found.)

“This whole thing was just a shocker,” Kevin acknowledges. “There were times when I was really frightened and petrified, but my faith is what really got me through–my faith, my family and my friends.”

He began a bi-weekly infusion of immunotherapy to boost his immune system, stopping six months shy of the recommended two years because of adverse kidney effects.

Especially comforting to Kevin have been the words of 14th century mystic Julian of Norwich, who withdrew into solitude for most of her life and wrote Revelations of Divine Love (the oldest surviving book in English by a woman). Her village was filled with poverty, famine and the bubonic plague, prompting suffering folks to come to her cell  for spiritual counsel. 

It was a vision in May 1373 when Julian said she heard Jesus speak the words for which she is most well-known:

“‘All shall be well’ became my mantra,” Kevin remembers. “I obviously wanted to be healed, but I knew if I wasn’t, all will be well.”

Scans every three months continue to show No Evidence of Disease for Kevin.

“It’s always on your mind that it could recur,” he explains. “I can forget about it for a while, but it helps me remember the finiteness of life and appreciate it more.”

Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.
—John 16:33

Yes, in Him, all shall be well.
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For more on the life of Julian of Norwich https://julianofnorwich.org/pages/who-is-julian-of-norwich For more of her quotes https://quotefancy.com/julian-of-norwich-quotes

Open in your browser to hear this short, beautiful arrangement of “All Shall Be Well” by an unnamed guitarist (originally composed by folk-singer Sydney Bertram Carter, best known for “Lord of the Dance”. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8c3-GMOs10 )

Apr 23

The Day I Shook the Hand of “The Greatest”

Would you believe I shook hands with and received a mini-apology from boxing legend Muhammad Ali, a.k.a “The Greatest”?

In 1970, when I was a college freshman, my best friend Jackie and I went to hear Ali speak at the Mansfield branch campus of THE Ohio State University. We were excited, so we arrived early and sat in the front row. The person introducing the former heavyweight boxing champion presented a framed, oil painting of the Champ.

Ali looked around to see where he could safely set down the very large piece and motioned for me to come forward. I jumped up and took the portrait from him as he loudly announced: “Thanks, I always wanted a white slave!”

I thought it was a hilarious comment, but after his speech, Ali sought me out, extended his right hand, and said, “You knew I was just kidding, right?” And then the hand that would punch the likes of Sonny Liston, George Foreman, and Joe Frazier warmly clasped mine.

True story.

In 1984 Ali announced he had Parkinson’s disease, and if you watched that incredible moment at the 1996 Atlanta Olympics when he shakily lit the torch, you could see what a painful turn the former Olympic gold medalist’s life had taken https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HxUSzcp4h5k

Before his death in 2016 Ali advised: “Don’t count the days; make the days count.”

My beautiful friend Georgia, https://georgiashaffer.com author, credentialed Christian life coach and survivor of four cancers–including stage 4 lung–shares a similar philosophy: “Life is a gift, so what am I going to do with it?…Live it purposefully and passionately, and make the time I do have count!”

Good thing Georgia didn’t “count” her days after the lung cancer diagnosis as she’s alive and healthy 11 years later!

If you or someone you love has received a life-threatening diagnosis–or like me, you are noticing more wrinkles in the mirror–you’re face-to-face with your own mortality.

And if a physician has told you that your days or your loved one’s days are numbered, I hope you are not trying to count them. Do not embrace those longevity guesses and allow them to become self-fulfilling prophecies. (I’ve lost count of the scores of cancer survivors I know who have outlasted medical predictions and weren’t “supposed to be here.”)

I hope you’ll ask yourself what you care deeply about and then allow that love to nurture your spirit and give you hope. If you have regrets, make amends where necessary and be thankful for the God of second chances. Seek out and enjoy the things that help you feel God’s peaceful presence.

The Bible says we ought to learn to “number” our days, but that doesn’t mean we should try to figure how many we have left. Instead, we should realize that every person—sick or well—has a limited supply. Illness and aging do us a favor when they remind us that however long we live on earth, it’s a blink compared to eternity.

Eternal One, let me understand my end
 and how brief my earthly existence is;
help me realize my life is fleeting.
—Psalm 39:4, The Voice Bible

Teach us to realize the brevity of life,
 so that we may grow in wisdom.
—Psalm 90:12 NLT

Nobody really knows how many rounds we have left in us, but as long as you have this day, there’s no reason to throw in the towel. Ask God how you can make this day count in your life, in the life of someone you love, and for eternity.

Partially excerpted from Peace in the Face of Cancer, Tyndale Momentum, ©2017 Lynn Eib.
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Please open in your browser to hear the video “God of All My Days” by Casting Crowns. 

Mar 19

Finding Serenity

“The Serenity Prayer” was always a favorite of my father–who would have turned 99 this month–and I love it, too. A framed needlepoint of that prayer hangs in my office and was made for me in  the ’70s by a dear friend in our first pastorate in western New York State.

Connie sadly passed away in her 20s from ovarian cancer after we had left the area. At that time “cancer” was just a scary word to me and I had no inclination that cancer support ministry would become my life’s calling.

Last week as my husband and I were leaving Florida– in spite of five wonderful days of speaking and relaxation–I felt overwhelmed by my mental to-do list.

 Upon returning home, we would be traveling AGAIN! This trip is for our rescheduled 50th anniversary celebration riverboat cruise. (Remember the one I had to cancel the day we were supposed to leave for Paris because I was in the hospital with a small bowel obstruction and about to have a 12-day hospital admission including a horrible NG tube and surgery? Yeah, that one. )

So much to be done in a week–unpacking/repacking, catching up on all the emails and messages, paying bills, preparations for the two Bible studies I would miss, etc…Oh, and finally STARTING our taxes! (Yes, I know I’m late to that party!)

One of the things really stressing me was that my bi-weekly blog was scheduled for today and I had no ideas, no interviews done, nothing, nada, zilch. I couldn’t see how I could possibly find the many hours needed to write, along with choosing thee right scriptures, photos and song. Delaying a week wouldn’t help because we would be gone for two Wednesdays.

Then The Serenity Prayer popped into my mind. This is something I can change! It’s my blog, I make the rules and I will  just skip it.

But while waiting for our airport Uber ride, God gave me the idea of blogging about the prayer, including what photos and song to use–while assuring me I could finish it quickly.

I changed my attitude and began writing in my head. I also asked my husband to take a photo of me right then and there as a testimony to the fact that sometimes God changes our circumstances and sometimes He changes us. Either way, we find serenity.

The Serenity Prayer as most of us know it is the shorter, revised version adopted by Alcoholics Anonymous almost 100 years ago. But here’s the original prayer as written by Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971), American pastor, theologian and political commentator.

God, give us grace to accept with serenity 
the things that cannot be changed, 
Courage to change the things 
which should be changed, 
and the Wisdom to distinguish 
the one from the other.

Living one day at a time, 
Enjoying one moment at a time, 
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace, 
Taking, as Jesus did, 
This sinful world as it is, 
Not as I would have it, 
Trusting that You will make all things right, 
If I surrender to Your will, 
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life, 
And supremely happy with You forever in the next. Amen.

Dear friend, I pray today for you to have courage to see any hardship you face as a “pathway to peace.” To have faith in God’s timing to “make all things right.” And with Him to be “reasonably happy” now and “supremely happy” forever.
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Open in your browser to hear the incredibly beautiful “The Serenity Prayer Song” by the Serenity Prayer Project. 

Mar 05

“God was using my hurt to heal others!”

When I met Bre Valenzuela last summer in San Diego at the Bob Goff retreat for cancer survivors, one thing was clear: she exuded joy…in spite of her circumstances.

In the fall of 2022, life had been good for Bre.

She was less than a month from celebrating her 29th birthday and the birth of her first child.  She was happily married since 2017 to husband Cody, whom she met while working at Disneyland.  Together they attended a great church where she was a worship leader, sharing the gift of her beautiful alto voice.

But then she found the lump.

It was a large one on the side of her neck, so she headed to urgent care, which sent her to the ER.  The doctor there told her she had Hodgkin lymphoma (despite the fact there was no tissue sample to diagnosis), but the oncologist she saw next thought it might be simply an infection. When tests ruled out an infection,  doctors decided to induce her at 39 weeks and get a biopsy right after the delivery.

A healthy baby boy named Jace arrived…along with a diagnosis of Stage 3 Hodgkin lymphoma and plans for chemotherapy.

“They let me be a mom for a week,” Bre recalls. ” I was allowed to breastfeed for a week and then I wasn’t allowed.”

Immediately Bre simultaneously began two ernormous tasks : fighting a life-threatening illness and raising a new, little life in her arms.

Worship team members shaved her head!

It was her faith in Jesus–which she “found” in 2019–that saw her through those really tough months.

“Faith showed up in a million ways!” she explains. “People from church would come over and just hold Jace for an hour so I could nap. They brought meals and went to chemo treatments with me so Cody could stay with Jace.”

When I asked Bre in our recent phone conversation how it felt to be a young, new mom facing cancer, she replied : “I had a sadness because I definitely want to see Jace grow up…but I realized I had to surrender all of it (to God) even if the outcome didn’t turn out to be what I wanted.”

It was while singing worship music that she experienced peaceful surrender.

“In the realm of worship, I felt perfectly held by God,” she recalls.

One of the most amazing ways that God showed up for Bre came through some advice given by a mentor-friend , who also is a cancer survivor.

“She said I should view my chemo chair as ‘holy ground’,” Bre remembers. “That seemed really strange, but she said it was the ground where God was sending people to heal me.”

At one point during her 12-treatment protocol, she was hospitalized for a week with a life-threatening sepsis infection.  Soon her hospital room also became holy ground.

“I ended up having four different nurses come in to my room to have me pray with them,” she says. “One even said she switched her shift so she could be with me.

“Now God was using my hurt to heal others.”

Life is good for Bre–follow-up tests show her to be cancer-free and she’s looking forward to her 30th birthday in October.

When she reflects on 2023, she says: “I didn’t know they made years this hard or this rewarding. Cheers to living life open-handed and finding joy even in the darkest of moments!”

Amen, my beautiful, joyful friend.

Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.
For you know when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. James 1:2-3

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Please open in your browser to hear the great song “See You Through It” by Brandon Heath. The words speak of trials, and yet the music and whimsical video are full of JOY–just like my friend Bre. (I think the lyrics are clear, but if you want to read them, here’s a link see me through it lyrics.