Category: strength

Dec 15

Grieving something or someone this Christmas?

I thought it wouldn’t.

But it did.

It happened again.

Kenny G was belting out jazzy, holiday cheer. A burning candle wafted a delicious candy cane scent. I was by myself happily decorating our house for Christmas. I lifted a slightly torn, rectangular box out of the large plastic storage bin and chuckled to myself. This box has to be more than 60 years old!

Carefully wrapped inside was a slender, shiny, tree topper that graced my parents’ Christmas trees for decades. It wasn’t the original which came in the now-yellowed box, but a replacement topper my folks decided to store there after the first one broke. (I can just hear my Mom saying: Why throw away a perfectly good box?)

I lovingly placed the topper in my mom’s antique glass pitcher filled with some of my parents’ old ornaments, stepped back and approvingly surveyed my decorating.

 And then it started. A lump in my throat. I swallowed hard, but it grew. I felt my eyes misting and then hot, tears began to sting as I tried to hold them back.

I miss my mom and my dad. I don’t want their ornaments…I want them! 

I sat down on the couch and wept.

And that’s what grief does to us. It catches us when we’re not expecting it and won’t let go until we’ve allowed it to have its say.

Have you experienced grief sneaking up on you? A sound, a smell, a word, a photo. Something triggers a memory or thought and you come undone.

Maybe you’re grieving the loss of health or a job. Maybe it’s the first Dec. 25 a certain smiling face won’t be in your home. Or maybe it’s been 20 years, but you still yearn for one more holiday with them.

Or maybe the persons you’re missing haven’t passed away, but circumstances are separating you this year. It just doesn’t seem right you won’t be together. That’s grief you’re feeling, too.

Connie Milchling, author, speaker, ministry director

My friend Connie, whose husband Brad literally dropped dead of a heart attack in 2004 at age 47 recalls that she didn’t feel like celebrating Christmas just three months after his passing.

“I felt horrible because I did not want to celebrate Jesus’ birth because of Brad’s death,” admitted Connie.

But a good friend gave her some insight which helped ease that holiday pain.

“Do you know what Jesus is doing this Christmas season?” the friend asked Connie.

Connie shook her head “no.”

“He’s weeping…He’s weeping with you.”

Connie said that mental image of Jesus shedding tears for her helped to stop the worrying about all the unwanted holiday celebrations. Instead, she prayed: “Just for today, I need to see Jesus. Just for today, I need to seek Jesus. Just for today, I need to serve Jesus.”

Are you grieving something or someone this Christmas? Jesus–the whole Reason for the Season–is weeping with you.  Remember He understands your sorrow (Isaiah 53:3) even if no one else on earth really does. Why not share in Connie’s prayer that today you will see Jesus…today you will seek Jesus…today you will serve Jesus.

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” Psalm 34:18
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Be sure to open in your browser to hear “Be Still My Soul” sung by Libera, a British acapella boys’ choir.

Dec 01

Don’t waste your cancer…or any other pain

Those are the words penned by author-pastor John Piper on the eve of his surgery for prostate cancer in 2006. My cancer prayer support group often discussed one of Piper’s ten ways we can “waste” cancer by allowing it—instead of God—to be foremost in our lives.*  

Probably the cancer survivor who most often expressed not wanting to waste his painful, unplanned circumstances is my friend Bert, diagnosed in 2003 with stage 4 prostate cancer at the age of 68.

Bert and wife Joan at our support group 2009

Bert’s cancer was not operable, so he underwent eight weeks of radiation and eighteen months of hormone shots to try and slow its course. The radiation went fairly well, but the shots, which “turned off” his male hormones gave him severe hot flashes.

“That gave me a greater appreciation of what women go through in menopause and I sure don’t want to go through childbirth!” Bert quipped to our group.

Because Bert’s father and grandfather both had faced cancer, he wasn’t shocked to get his diagnosis.

“I was surprised and concerned, but I had a peace about it,” he recalls. “I remember thinking that I could go home and feel sorry for myself—but I would still have cancer—or I could use it to show people that I’m not afraid to die. I’ve decided I will use cancer to share and encourage other people.”

Despite being told by doctors that he should expect the cancer to return,  eighteen years later at age 86, Bert continues to be in complete remission. A few years ago he moved to Florida where he still shines for the Lord–co-teaching a weekly Bible study, mentoring two men and providing lots of TLC for Joan, his wife of 62 years, who battles multiple health issues.

“I like to ask people ‘where is your hope?,’” he explains, “and I like to share with them that my hope is in following Christ.”

God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort.
He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others.
When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4:

John Piper, Chancellor of Bethlehem College & iSeminary

I cannot imagine how many people Bert has encouraged because he chose not to waste his cancer and refuses to allow anything but God to be foremost in his life.

But it’s not just cancer we can waste, is it?  It’s any pain–physical, emotional, mental or spiritual–that becomes our focus instead of God.

Piper says that “Christians are never anywhere by divine accident. There are reasons for why we wind up where we do. Consider what Jesus said about painful, unplanned circumstances: ‘They will lay their hands on you and persecute you, delivering you up to the synagogues and prisons, and you will be brought before kings and governors for my name’s sake. This will be your opportunity to bear witness.’ (Luke 21:12 -13). So it is with cancer. This will be an opportunity to bear witness. Christ is infinitely worthy. Here is a golden opportunity to show that he is worth more than life. Don’t waste it.”

Will you pray with me today?

Heavenly Father, I wish I didn’t have to face this struggle, but because I do, I’m asking You to help me not to waste it. Please take these painful, unplanned circumstances and turn them into an opportunity for me to show others that You are worth more than life itself. In Jesus’ Name, I pray. Amen.

*(You can read his wonderful essay at https://www.desiringgod.org/books/dont-waste-your-cancer) 
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Be sure to open in your browser to hear Lauren Daigle’s beautiful rendition of “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus”

Nov 17

When It’s Too Hard to Pray

It’s pretty easy to thank God when ­everything’s going well. When you feel happy. When you have your health. When your loved ones are doing fine.

Image by Barbara Jackson from Pixabay

It’s a lot harder when some things—maybe most things—are not going well.

In those first dark days after my cancer diagnosis in 1990, I literally ­could not pray. Sentences simply refused to form. The ­only thing I felt I could utter was a desperate cry for healing. What else was there to say?

Image by Avelino Calvar Martinez from Pixabay

And then I read a Bible verse—one ­I’m sure I’d read many times before, but this time it seemed to jump off the page:

And the Holy Spirit helps us in our distress.
For we don’t even know what we should pray for, nor how we should pray.
But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words.
And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying,
for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will.
 Romans  8:26-27

Two wonderful verses about how to pray when you feel you ­can’t pray. They were right there in the Bible, sandwiched between the Apostle Paul’s discussion of suffering and his explanation of how we can be victorious even in difficult times! (Read the whole chapter and you’ll see what I mean.)

Wow. It was okay that I felt that it was too hard to pray. The Holy Spirit would pray for me. He would take my “groans” that were too deep for words right to the throne of God. And even better than that, the Spirit would know exactly what to pray for me; He would pray accord­ing to God’s will.

After I found that verse, I would often just sit with my hands on my lap, palms toward heaven, tears trickling down my cheeks . . . praying.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

I never said a word. I ­couldn’t even form cohesive thoughts in my mind, but I prayed. I simply allowed God’s Spirit to take my innermost thoughts, my deepest fears to God and pray for me.

How about you, my friend? Is there a hurt/loss/worry/fear so deep that you don’t have the strength or “right” words to pray?

Hear how The Message paraphrase renders Romans 8:26: If we ­don’t know how or what to pray, it ­doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans.

What an amazing God! He knows that at the times we need Him most, we may not be able to express ourselves to Him, so He has His own Spirit do it for us!

Take heart, dear friend, and believe that even when it feels too hard to pray…you still can.

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Be sure to open in your browser to hear the inspiring music video “O My Soul” by Casting Crowns, written by  band member Mark Hall the night he found out he needed surgery to remove a cancerous kidney.

 

 

Sep 29

How God is Like a Cross Country Mom or Dad

I don’t know if your family ever had a cross country athlete, but our middle daughter Bethany was one in high school. She didn’t excel at the long-distance event, but decided running would help keep her in shape for her favorite sports of basketball, and track and field.

What I initially didn’t realize was that her choice was going to require my husband and me to be in shape too.

Watching a cross country meet is far different than viewing other sports because the action is not confined to a  field or court. Instead, participants run 5K (3.1 miles) up and down hills on a twisty, dirt or grass trail.

As parents we had three chances to see our daughter running. First, we stood at the starting line and when the gun went off, we loudly hollered her name. Then we jogged to a spot midway along the race route where we caught a glimpse of her as we shouted encouragement that she, indeed, could complete the race. Finally, we dashed back to the finish line–which may or may not have been the same as the starting line–and wildly cheered when Bethany crossed it.

Bethany donning her varsity jacket for me yesterday 🙂

Then we all went home and took showers.

Why did we do it? For the 60 seconds or less we actually saw her run? No way. Because it was so enjoyable to watch her face turn beet red and her uniform get soaked with perspiration? Hardly.

We did it because we deeply love her and wanted to convey that she was worth the sacrifice it took to root for her. Whether Bethany’s time was fast or slow didn’t matter to us–she had persevered and we always celebrated her.

And that’s why I think God is like a cross country mom or dad– He celebrates us on life’s journey.

As author Max Lucado puts it:
“God is for you. Turn to the sidelines; that’s God cheering your run.
Look past the finish line; that’s God applauding your steps.
Listen for him in the bleachers, shouting your name.
Too tired to continue? He’ll carry you.
Too discouraged to fight? He’s picking you up.
God is for you.”

Whatever you are facing on the race set before you–ups and downs of a serious illness, twists and turns of a rocky marriage, rough terrain of financial struggles–God is right there with you; not just cheering you on like a cross country parent, but also equipping you by the power of His Spirit to have what you need to stay the course.

As Lucado concludes: “God is for you. Knowing that, who is against you? Can death harm you now? Can disease rob your life? Can your purpose be taken or your value diminished? No. Though hell may set itself against you, no one can defeat you. You are protected. God is for you.”

“If God is for us, who can ever be against us? Since he did not spare even his own Son,
but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else?” Romans 8:31b-32

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Be sure to open in your browser to hear the song “God is for Us” by CityAlight.

Sep 15

“You’re gonna be okay.”

I miss my dad.

It’s been a decade since he took his last breath on this earth and I still miss him. Especially during college football season as I’m frantically cheering on my Ohio State Buckeyes (with apologies to all my friends in that state up north!)

My dad was an incredible multi-sport athlete, as well as a successful football and basketball coach as I was growing up. My love of athletics and knowledge of the rules and intricacies of each sport came from him.

And that’s why I always had to call him during halftime of a Buckeye game if I was feeling nervous about the possible outcome.

“Dad, I’m worried we’re going to lose,” I would spit out as soon as he answered the phone.

He always responded with a little chuckle and then began pointing out all the things that were going well for my guys, as well as all the specific reasons they were the better team. Then he would reassure me that the coach would make the necessary halftime adjustments to clear up the deficiencies so the Scarlet and Gray would prevail.

“You’re gonna be okay,” he would add.

He was so smart, knew football so well and understood coaching so clearly that I always believed him.

A loving father’s voice can have that kind of calming effect, can’t it?

I just spent the month of August finding ways to better hear my heavenly Father’s voice. I needed His soothing words so my anxieties could be relieved, my burdens lightened and my heart palpitations literally calmed down.

And guess what?

I heard Him. Usually as I read my Bible. Often as I pored over my devotionals. Sometimes as I lifted my voice in song. And occasionally in my head as I folded my hands in prayer. Each time, it was clear that He was speaking to me.

“Is anything too hard for the LORD?” (Genesis 18:4)
“The LORD’s arm is not too weak to save you, nor his ear too deaf to hear you call.” (Isaiah 59:1)
“If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31)

LifeHopeandTruth.com

And so many wise words from authors I love:
“Joy does not comes from getting what you ask God for. Joy comes in asking, believing, and thanking God, however he answers.” (Max Lucado)

“Can you think of any need you have that would require more strength than God exercised to raise the dead?” (Beth Moore)

“Father, may the reality of what you say become infinitely more real to me than what I think, feel or experience.” (Chris Tiegreen)

“Sin is the act of going to everyone but God for what only God can give.” (Max Lucado)

My earthly father had a special way of having just the right words to calm me (even though he might have led me astray at halftime of this past Saturday’s game against Oregon!), but my Heavenly Father never gets it wrong. He is all-wise, knows me completely and understands the loving plans He has for me. I always need to believe Him.

I encourage you to find ways to better listen for your Father’s voice–you won’t be disappointed.

Perhaps this prayer from Chris Tiegreen can be yours as well as mine: “Father, my mind cannot afford to be preoccupied with anything other than you.” Amen.

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Be sure to open in your browser to hear the beautiful song “You’re Gonna Be Okay” by Brian and Jenn Johnson.