Category: peace

May 02

“Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it”–Gibran

 

I love to play FreeCell Solitaire on my laptop. I tell myself that I play to keep my mind keen as I age and that all the strategizing sharpens my mental skills. But I think the real reason I’m continually drawn to this card game is because I can control it.  Image result

Every single game of FreeCell is winnable and if I find my strategy isn’t working or I don’t have any more legal moves, I simply hit CRTL-Z.  I “undo” my past turns and make other choices until once again I emerge a winner (current win streak is 779).

You know what CTRL stands for, right? CONTROL! Yep, that’s why I love the game. I’m in control and if the game gets out-of-control and I might lose, I simply take control a new way and make everything turn out the way I always wanted it to. It’s the perfect game for a perfectionist like me who loves to be in control and who hates to lose!

 Don’t you wish life had a CTRL-Z button? You could hit it and go back and change a behavior that put you or your loved one at-risk for your particular diagnosis. Or you could tap it and head to the doctor sooner for medical tests. Or you could strike those two keys and find a way to stop the very first cells from dividing so rapidly and becoming cancerous.  Or at the very least you could type that command and undo all the treatment side effects. Somehow, some way, you could control a situation until everything turned out just the way you wanted.

Mary, a member of my morning cancer support group, vividly recalls the out-of-control feeling brought on by her diagnosis of non-small cell lung cancer, just 19 months after she was widowed. Mary Lou Myers Frazer's Profile Photo, Image may contain: 5 people, people smiling

“My husband was gone; I retired Feb. 3 and got diagnosed Feb. 27,” she says. “It was the one-two punch. The shock just hit me and I was ready to die.”

Not only did Mary feel out-of-control, but the cancer looked out-of-control, as it already had spread to her liver and bones.

However, within a few months of starting chemo and radiation, scans showed the disease was responding. The liver spots disappeared, the bone lesions stabilized and the lung tumor shrunk by half. As I write this, she has been a survivor for more than six years.

“I could just squeal, I’m so happy,” she exclaims. “I’m so grateful to God every day.”

Despite her good quality of life, Mary still lives under the shadow of an incurable cancer as she wonders what the future holds for her.

“I have my moments when it’s hard,” she acknowledges. “But my peace comes from knowing God has a plan and He’s way smarter than I am. If I don’t understand it now, I will later.

“We all pray that we get our own way and we think we know what’s best, but He is the one who does,” Mary says. “I know that’s easy to say, but it’s not always so easy to do.

“I find myself asking God: ‘Could I just have a little control? I want your will, but could I have just a little of mine?’” she adds with a laugh.

I really appreciate Mary’s honesty and the fact she recognizes the humor in desiring God’s will, but on her own terms.

If like Mary and me, your anxiety comes not from just thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it, I have some good advice for us from Proverbs 3:5-6:

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes.”

Or as the Message Bible paraphrases it:

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
he’s the one who will keep you on track.
Don’t assume that you know it all.

Quit searching for life’s CRTL-Z button and stop pretending you can be in charge of it all.

Go ahead and give up the control-stick and declare with the psalmist “my future is in Your hands.” (Psalm 31:15)

But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace. Romans 8:6

Adapted from Peace in the Face of Cancer, copyright 2017 by Lynn Eib
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(If the music video below doesn’t automatically load, click on https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVMU-viTHIw )

I couldn’t decide which song to use, so here’s another one! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6Eiv1r5UnE )

 

Apr 11

Are you as contented as a 2-year-old?

A few years ago I was eating breakfast on the deck with my oldest grandchild, Bauer, 2½ at the time. Thanks
to my husband’s green thumb, the deck was bursting with beautiful blooms. As I stumbled around, chiding my foggy brain to wake up, little Bauer let out a small toddler sigh.

“It’s lovely out here,” he said with a sweet smile. “We have everything we need.”

Ah, contentment.

A bowl of multigrain Cheerios with milk, a Lightning McQueen sippy cup of O.J., the beauty of nature and a day with grandma—what more could you possibly need?

Maybe a clear PET scan? How about a drop in the tumor marker? No more medicine side-effects would be nice. An insurance company that didn’t balk at paying for what the doctor ordered would be really great.

It’s difficult to have childlike contentment when we live in a grown-up world where in the U.S. alone every 30 seconds a new cancer diagnosis is made and every 65 seconds someone develops Alzheimer’s. It’s never easy to find contentment while watching a loved one deal with a physical assault on his/her body—especially knowing we are helpless to stop it.

My dear friends Don and Jean, longtime members of the church my husband founded, know all too well how Image may contain: 2 people, including Jean Hessler Abbey, people smiling, people sitting and indoorit feels to have your world turn upside down and to frantically search for contentment again.

Both retired school teachers, Jean was diagnosed with inoperable, stage 4 non-small cell lung cancer at Christmas time 2013.

“I was shocked,” she recalls. “I thought I was too healthy to get cancer. I was doing all the ‘right’ things to be a healthy person—never smoking, eating right, exercising, weight control, regular checkups and all that.”

Since that shocking diagnosis, both Don and Jean have tried to live in the moment, but the admonition to “take one day at a time” is “the opposite of our teaching careers,” she says. “As teachers we always had to look ahead and plan for another day.”

“Learning to live one day at a time—and live it to the fullest—has been no easy task for me,” Don acknowledges. “My mind is always ‘planning’ the future, so I have had to change the way I think about tomorrow. I’m not there 100-percent, but I’m way better than I was.

“I think both of us in our own way just turned this whole thing over to God,” Don adds. “For me it’s putting total faith in His plan—knowing it’s a perfect plan—even if I don’t understand it all.”

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I’ve thought often about my grandson’s contented sentiment, especially mornings when I sit down with my to-do list ready to organize everything that I think needs to be done that day.  Sometimes I smile to myself and say “It’s a lovely day and I have everything I need.”

Perhaps that’s a sentiment with which you could start your day? The words of a toddler could be described as childish, but if like Don and Jean, you have faith in a loving God, they can become childlike trust.

Of one thing I am certain: my soul has become calm, quiet, and contented in You. 
Like a weaned child resting upon his mother, I am quiet.  Psalm 131:2 The Voice

 A soul that is calm, quiet and contented in God. 

What do you need today for your soul to be content? Ask your Heavenly Father and expect His answer.

 Know this: my God will also fill every need you have according to His glorious riches in Jesus the Anointed, our Liberating King. Philippians 4:19 The Voice Bible

…for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. Philippians 4:11-13 NLT

(If the music video doesn’t automatically load, click on https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AHe_qmo3gX4 )

 

 

 

 

Apr 04

“I refuse to be robbed of peace…”

 

Have you ever met someone and been amazed at the JOY and PEACE exuding from that person? Did simply being in their presence make you feel better about yourself and your world? I’d like to introduce you to one of those kind of people: my friend, Bola Montoya Taylor.

Bola was a Filipino jazz and gospel singer, best known for founding, along with her husband Ken, the Hallelujah Gospel Family choir in Japan, where the couple was serving as missionaries. It was the country’s first such choir and composed almost entirely of non-Christians, who had been introduced to black gospel in the American film “Sister Act” starring Whoopie Goldberg.

That initial group grew to 70 choirs with more than 1,000 members, all of whom no doubt were devastated when Bola posted a Facebook message in early September 2015 that her cancer had returned and no more treatments were available.

The news saddened me, too, as a mutual friend had earlier sent Bola one of my books and introduced us via Facebook. I hurriedly set up a time to Skype with Bola as I was writing my last book Peace in the Face of Cancer and wanted to interview and include her.

She was obviously tired, but her beautiful smile radiated joy and peace. We chatted about how it feels to know you are dying and leaving behind a husband and three children then ages, 18-23.

“I do not worry about myself because I know the future God has planned for me,” she calmly told me. “And the God who can take care of me can take care of my family, too.

“I refuse to be robbed of peace by something over which I absolutely have no control,” she added. “Allowing yourself to go down that rabbit hole of worry is just giving the enemy victory.”

We talked about her plans for the following week to marshal enough strength to perform one last time, on her 54th birthday, at the popular “Satin Doll” Tokyo jazz club. Image may contain: 2 people, people smiling, text

“I want my swan song to be for Jesus!” she said, tearing up for the first time in our lengthy conversation.

And what a swan song it was! Bola, dressed in vibrant teal and purple, was flanked by pianist-husband Ken and her jazz band snappily dressed in black and white. (You can see a short clip from the concert  below.) Perched on a stool with her life-sustaining, intravenous TPN (Total Parenteral Nutrition) bag resting on the floor, she sang for 170 fans—only about 30 of whom were Christ-followers—crowded into a room built for 100. Another 1,500 watched a livestream online.

“Please know that Ken and I love you from the bottom of our hearts,” she said at the concert’s close. “You can have the peace and the joy and the rest that I’m enjoying right now (because) Jesus is REAL!”

The Japanese are not known for showing emotion, but many in the audience could be seen wiping away tears. Exactly four weeks later, Bola came to the end of her earthly life. One can only imagine the souls touched for eternity by her life

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Don’t worry; I’m not going to suggest that everyone facing a life-threatening illness needs to perform a “swan song” last concert—no offense, but I imagine some of your voices could be quite painful to the listening ears. 🙂

But I do hope you are thinking about how you want to be remembered. Image may contain: 1 person, standing

“I pray that I’ve lived well according to God’s plan,” Bola said. “I pray I also die well.”

Would you be willing to pray that prayer today? Pray that you live well according to God’s plan, however many weeks, months or years are remaining. And pray that when the time comes—as it will for all of us unless Jesus comes back first—that you die well.

I remember praying fairly soon after my diagnosis something like this: “Lord, I don’t want to have cancer and I hate having such an uncertain future, but I pray that as I go through this I will represent you well and others will see Jesus in me.”

I guarantee you that is a prayer God always wants answer for you.

Psalm 27:5 The Voice Bible:
His house is my shelter and secret retreat.
It is there I find peace in the midst of storm and turmoil.
Safety sits with me in the hiding place of God.
He will set me on a rock, high above the fray.

Psalm 85:8 The Voice Bible:
I will hear what the True God—the Eternal—will say,
for He will speak peace over His people,
peace over those who faithfully follow Him…

(If the music video doesn’t automatically load, please use this link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHbDcYDl5hA )

And here’s Bola’s introduction to her birthday concert at the Satin Doll Jazz Club with her Japanese translator (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUYCaWt2ecE )

Mar 28

Happy Trails to You!

 

Did I ever tell you about the time I sang in church with Roy Rogers? 

It was the fall of 1969 during my senior year of high school and my family was newly attending a small church in Apple Valley, California. One Sunday morning the four of us traipsed into the little sanctuary toward a partially filled row. For some reason my eighth-grade brother, Jim, tried to squirm past me to get to the row first. Like a typical, annoyed older sister, I pushed him back and told him to sit on the end by Dad like he always did.

After we were seated, I silently snickered as I checked out the man on my left: very uncool cowboy boots; dorky bolo tie; gaudy gold wristwatch with big red gems and a bear head. Looks like a real hick.

I finally glanced at the man’s face and then whispered to my little brother, “Doesn’t this guy look like Roy Rogers if Roy Rogers was really old?”

My brother’s bony elbow jabbed my ribs as he loudly whispered back, “You, stupid, that is Roy Rogers!”

I gulped, scooted my chair closer to Roy, and when he offered to share his hymnal on the first song, took hold of it and sang my heart out with the King of Cowboys![1]

I hope you know the “Happy Trails” melody which signed off TV episodes of the Roy Rogers Show.[2] It’s a soothing, feel good song, which seems rather inappropriate for the unhappy trail of serious illness and other trials of life:  “Happy trails to you, until we meet again. Happy trails to you, keep smilin’ until then. Who cares about the clouds when we’re together? Just sing a song and bring the sunny weather.”

But listen to the song’s second verse:

“Some trails are happy ones,
Others are blue.”

Roy and Dale could have kept on making movies at that age...They look great!Roy and Dale, married for 50 years, had plenty of “blue” trails—three prior, short, failed marriages for Dale beginning at age 14; the death in childbirth of Roy’s first wife; toddler daughter Robin’s death from Down Syndrome complications; and the deaths of two of their four adopted/foster children—12-year-old daughter Debbie in a bus accident; and son Sandy, who choked to death while serving in the U.S. Army.

I can only imagine how many times Roy and Dale had to remind themselves of the rest of that verse:

“It’s the way you ride the trail that counts,
Here’s a happy one for you.”

So you’re on an extremely blue trail—how are you going to ride it?

 Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away,
yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us
an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 1 Corinthians 4:16-18

Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen;
it gives us assurance about things we cannot see. Hebrews 12:1

We ride our “blue trails” by faith and not by sight. And that’s how we find a new perspective as God sets us “high above.”


His house is my shelter and secret retreat.
It is there I find peace in the midst of storm and turmoil.
Safety sits with me in the hiding place of God.
He will set me on a rock, high above the fray. Psalm 27:5 The Voice Bible

Happy Trails to you, my friend, until we meet again.

 

[1] I laugh whenever I recall this incident because I’ve looked up Roy’s birthdate and know he turned 58 in November 1969—obviously “really old” to my 16-year-old eyes!

[2] You can listen to the original version online https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgw_yprN_-w or later versions by Van Halen and Randy Travis among others.

(If the music video below doesn’t automatically load, click on https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3TbAMExY_w)

Jan 03

What do you want MORE of in 2018?

 
My 3-year-old granddaughter Abby is not the world’s best sleeper.

Image may contain: 1 person, eating, sitting, child, food and indoor

She’s not the worst either, but definitely not as good as her brothers, ages 1 and 5. In  fact she’s quite the master of “stalling” at bedtime and/or “needing” things in the middle of the night. You may be  familiar with the toddlers’ universal “necessities” list: potty, drink, doll, stuffed animal, nightlight, book, blanket, socks etc.

But Abby has upped this game to a new level as she cries out in the wee hours of the morning and Mommy appears and asks the sensible question: “What do you need, Abby?” To which this adorable child sweetly replies: “More Jesus.”

Check and checkmate–Abby wins hands down. I mean no matter what time it is and how tired you are, how does anyone say no to “more Jesus”?

In case you’re wondering, what Abby specifically is requesting– it’s for her mommy to sing the bedtime ritual melody “Jesus Loves Me” one more time. (Often she even will add her tiny voice to the chorus.)

The kid is a genius. I would want to give her “more Jesus” any time day or night.

Of course Abby’s hard-to-deny request got me thinking about what do I want MORE of in 2018? (I can definitely think of some things I want LESS of–pounds, wrinkles, gray hair, and sagging, just to name a few!) But what do I hope there was MORE of?

Certainly more good health for all of you fighting cancer and other serious/chronic illnesses. Definitely more comfort for those who are grieving the loss of loved ones. Clearly more love for families torn apart by the pain of addictions, divorce and abuse. And absolutely more peace for this violent world.

But when it comes right down to it, I think I’ll pray that you and I have more Jesus this year. 

I pray that from His glorious, unlimited resources He will empower you with inner strength through His Spirit. Then Christ will make His home in your hearts as you trust in Him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. —Ephesians 3:16-19a

And when you can’t fall asleep or when you wake up in the middle of the night, perhaps you will choose to echo my little granddaughter’s request: More Jesus.