Category: disappointment

Jun 20

Do You Like Life Easy or Hard?

 

It was the end of September 1960 and my family had recently moved from Mansfield, Ohio, to Riverside, California.  I had loved first-grade in Ohio, but apparently was “bored’ in second grade in the Golden State. My mother said I usually came home after school, didn’t want to talk about anything and then threw up. I would have suspected the cafeteria food or my tight perm, but Mrs. Cunningham, my parents and the principal got together and decided there was only one appropriate course of action.

After work that Friday, my dad sat on the edge of my bed with me. I don’t remember how the conversation started, but I definitely recall how it ended.

“So do you want to stay in second grade and have EASY work? Or go to third grade and have HARD work?”

With just-turned-seven-year-old exuberance, I replied: “I want to go to third grade and have HARD work, Daddy!”

On Monday morning, I took my crayons out of my desk and marched down the hall of Magnolia Elementary to Miss Milford’s class, where I happily found “hard” work and stopped puking.

Pretty sure that was the last time in my life I voluntarily chose hard instead of easy.

Remember those Staples’ “easy” buttons from about ten years ago? Personally, I would like the phrase “That was easy!” to be a guiding mantra of my day. And I can’t figure out why someone would manage to “hack’ the “easy” button and turn it into a recording device. Seriously! I watched the how-to video online https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6OEFxc3zTls and still don’t know why anyone would think this was fun to do. It doesn’t look easy to me. But to each his own, I guess.

As for me, I’m always on the lookout for ways to make life easier–for myself or people I care about.  I pray for quick healings, good test results, uncomplicated surgeries, untroubled marriages, effortless parenting and tranquil decisions.

But more often than not, it seems those prayers do not afford me a chance to respond with an “easy” button. Not only does life often not get any easier, sometimes it gets a whole lot harder–with no relief or explanation in sight.

I know many of you know exactly what I mean because  I’ve sat with you while you heard bad news. I’ve prayed with you when your world turned upside down. And I’ve cried with you when the worst actually happened.

You and I both know that life has not been easy for you and your family.

The word “easy” only appears in the Bible nine times–at least in the New Living Translation. Proverbs has a verse abut lizards being easy to catch and the OldTestament prophet Ezekiel warns that scattered sheep make an easy target for predators.

But my favorite “easy” verse is found in Matthew 11:

“Then Jesus said, ‘Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart,
and you will find rest for your souls.
 For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.‘”

Forget about the “easy” button and struggling to make life easy-peasy.

Let the Lord direct you each day and believe that His will won’t lead you where His grace won’t keep you. Walking with Him is a much easier way because He will see you “Through It All.”

Here’s an old favorite of mine from Cece Winans and Andrae Crouch (whom I once interviewed when he played at Houghton College). I don’t usually choose live performances, but this a powerful duet and there are Spanish subtitles so my Hispanic friends can sing a long too! If it doesn’t automatically load, please click https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWcxfOlCI3M

 

 

Jun 06

What to Do When the Stress Never Ends

 

I just needed to hang in there until May 31.

I knew April and May would be ridiculously busy with extensive traveling, speaking engagements, ministering to cancer patients/caregivers, serving on faculty at writing conferences, milestone family celebrations, and teaching discipleship classes. But I just had to make it until May 31 and then my schedule would clear, I could relax and shift out of stressful, high-gear living. I knew I could do it.

But that was before we met with the doctor on May 30.

Unexplained, intermittent pain in my husband’s right knee–now a year-and-a-half since bilateral  replacements–led us to yet-another appointment with his surgeon.  An earlier CT scan confirmed what we already knew, i.e. something’s not right. Blood work did not indicate an infection, but the doctor wanted to aspirate some fluid “just to make sure.”

We were anticipating my husband would need a “revision” surgery, placing a small, steel rod beneath his tibia, which appeared to be slipping. It would be a much easier procedure than what he’d already been through and very little rehab required. in fact, the pain should be improved pretty much immediately.

We weren’t crazy about him having to have more surgery–he’s already had four procedures on that knee (two invasive and two arthroscopic)–but it didn’t sound like a big deal. Kind of like when you’ve survived cancer and then a doctor tells you that you have a kidney stone. The latter doesn’t seem nearly as daunting because of what you’ve already faced.

But when the surgeon withdrew the second tube of fluid, he said his “stomach dropped.” Instead of the clear color he expected, it looked yellow and cloudy–normally a sign of infection. Now the conversation shifted from “propping up” the tibia, to removing the entire replacement, cleaning out the area and at some point putting in a new joint followed by extended antibiotics and extensive rehabilitation.

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Just when I almost had made it to May 31.

Do you know that feeling? It happens when your life has been spinning out of control and you discover that the light you see at the end of the tunnel is really an oncoming train. Or when the roller coaster of bad news just keeps taking another plunge.  Or when you can’t seem to catch a break with your job, your finances, your kids, your………………..fill in the blank.

Maybe the bottom dropped out just when you thought you had gotten through it all. Just when you thought life would slow down. Just when you imagined the stress would end. Just when you could exhale.

But now, like me, you are waiting and wondering. How big and heavy is that train I see coming? Is there any chance to derail it? Can I possibly jump away before impact?

Good questions. And I don’t know any of the answers. But I do know how I prayed  after that doctor appointment  and how God answered.

“Lord, I feel terrible for my husband to have to go through pain and excruciating work AGAIN and honestly, I feel terrible for ME to have to go through exhausting caregiving again. It doesn’t make sense. And because I already know how difficult it may be, I can’t logically feel okay about it.

“But, I’m praying and believing that Your Holy Spirit can bring me a peace that passes all understanding. A peace that isn’t based on what I can see or know or even feel on my own, but simply on Your supernatural power to do more than I can ask or imagine.”

I prayed that last Friday. On Saturday morning when I read my Bible, words jumped off the page and encouraged my heart. On Sunday morning, the worship music lifted my spirits and the message was just what I needed to hear. Nothing had changed in our circumstances and no new information was obtained concerning our future, but it was well with my soul.

God will do the same for you and your loved one.

“Don’t worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he’s done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand, His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

P.S. Surgery–of some sort–is scheduled for 1 p.m. Friday, June 8. If I don’t blog for a while, it’s because I’m taking really good care of my guy!

If the music video below doesn’t automatically load, click here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCR_Fa8YV2U

 

 

 

 

 

May 23

“A mermaid has no tears, and that makes her suffer all the more.”–Hans Christian Andersen

 

One of the side effects of my chemo is that my right tear duct was irreparably scarred thereby making that eye “water” all the time. Because of this annoying condition, which often prompts total strangers to ask me if I’m OK when they see me “crying” in public places, I’m probably more fascinated with tears than the average person.

If you ever tasted a tear trickling down your face, then you know they are salty. But tears are much more

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than salty water. They’re actually a complex combination of proteins, enzymes, lipids, metabolites, and electrolytes. (I’m not sure what all those are either, but I know it’s more than just NaCl!)

We all have three different kinds of tears: normal tears that continuously keep our eyes lubricated; irritant tears that wash away foreign substances; and emotional tears we cry for reasons like sadness and pain. Scientists who study tears can look at these tiny drops of water and tell the difference between the first two types and the third kind, because emotional tears have much more protein and less oil.

Every tear has three layers, each of which has a different purpose. The inner layer coats the cornea; the middle layer, which is almost all water, provides moisture and oxygen to the cornea; and the outer layer is an oily film that seals the tears on our eyes and slows evaporation.

Two different glands create the layers. A small gland produces the inner and outer layers and a large gland under the upper eyelid produces the middle layer

Some tear researchers theorize that emotional tears carry hormones from the brain, which release calming endorphins and flush toxins out of the bloodstream returning our bodies to a reduced-stress state. (Others surmise that women tend to live longer than men because on average they cry twice as much as men.)

Isn’t it amazing how much intricacy went into the creation of tiny tears by our Creator!

My husband has joked that the only Bible verse tattoo he would ever get is John 11:35. He doesn’t like needles and that verse is the Bible’s shortest: “Jesus wept.”

Jesus was standing at the grave of his friend Lazarus surrounded by Lazarus’s weeping sisters and other wailing friends and He, too, began to cry.

He could have announced: “Everything’s going to be okay!” After all, Jesus knew He was about to raise Lazarus back to life. He could have said: “Don’t worry, be happy!

” After all, He knew that in moments their sorrow would be turned to joy.

But He didn’t. Instead, He wept.

I certainly don’t assume to definitely know all the reasons why Jesus wept, but I think He wanted those present to know He felt their sadness, too, and I believe He wanted those of us reading this account one day to know He thinks it’s all right to cry.

Many of us (especially men!) need to tell ourselves that truth: that weeping is not a sign of weakness or shame; that tears are indeed a gift from God to express our deepest feelings.

Can you imagine all the tears you’ve ever cried in your life? The ones when kids made fun of you on the playground and when you skinned your knee in the backyard. Don’t forget the ones when your pet died and when your first love broke your heart. Think about the tears you shed when you had your first car accident and when you didn’t have enough money to pay the bills.

Remember the tears when you heard the diagnosis and those you shed when someone who was treated with you “lost” the battle? Don’t forget those you let slip in the shower so you could wash them away before anyone could see.

But someone did see. The same One who created the complexity of tears, saw—and remembers—every one of yours.

You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book. Psalm 56:8 NLT 

I imagine some of us must have some pretty big bottles to store all our tears! But why does God keep and record these little salty drops?

I love the explanation given by author Joni Eareckson Tada, who has been confined to a wheelchair since a 1967 diving accident left her paralyzed from the neck down.

“Every tear you’ve cried will be redeemed. God will give you indescribable glory for your grief, not with a general wave of the hand, but in a considered and specific way. Each tear has been listed; each will be recompensed.

“I’ve cried a few times over not having the use of my hands. I think it’s ironic that on the day in heaven when I finally get back use of my hands so I can dry my own tears. . . . I won’t have to: ‘He will wipe away every tear from [our] eyes.’ (Revelation 21:4).”[i]

I look forward to that day when God will wipe away the tears from my watery right eye and show me how He has turned all my sadness into greatness for His kingdom. And until that time, I’m glad I’m not a mermaid so I my tears can soften my suffering.

Adapted from Peace in the Face of Cancer, copyright 2017 by Lynn Eib

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[i]Joni Eareckson Tada, “A List of Tears” in More Precious Than Silver(Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1998), April 24. Thanks to Joni for encouraging me and other readers of this devotional to consider the many reasons we’ve shed tears over the years.

If the music video below doesn’t automatically load, click on https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGsPUOeuAto

Feb 14

Can ANYTHING else go wrong???

 

If I believed in a “technology curse” (which I don’t), I would be convinced someone had put one on me! Allow me to recap the past few months of my life with technology:

  • My cell phone Apple ID was all screwed up sending me dozens of error messages everyday. And after many, many hours of phone conversations with Apple customer service (“I’ve never seen anything like this!”) and callbacks from supervisors and senior technicians (“I don’t know why that didn’t fix it.”), I had to reset my phone to factory default twice. That did not solve the problem, so my youngest daughter spent five hours on the phone with Apple as they completely wiped out my phone (“We think we should be able to get the data back.”)
  • The phone wipeout solved the Apple ID problem, but I lost all my messages, voicemails and about 50 contacts, the latter of which had to be recovered from a corrupted backup I had to install on an old iPhone and then manually enter into my clean phone (another three-hour total process!)
  • Meanwhile problems with my website and WordPress blog which began last September continued. Blogs no longer posted to Facebook and I had to manually go through several steps each week to make it happen. My WordPress would seem to be working fine and then after about two hours of writing, I could no longer save anything. That meant no more adding anything or changing anything–even if the blog wasn’t done. Sometimes I could add a photo from the library and sometimes not. Once in a while I could insert a YouTube music video, but not usually.
  • During these “cursed” months, I attempted to fix the mounting problems: engaged a second webmaster to try and solve the issues; got help from a tech at my publisher; switched to a larger, faster server; upgraded my internet speed; and replaced my aging PC with my first Mac.

I sat down last Monday ready to write because I was SURE all my efforts (and prayers!) had solved my problems, but instead things went from bad to worse. An error message appeared informing me that my website “could not be found.” And sure enough, it was true–my website and my admin login page to reach it were gone–vanished into cyberspace.

Fighting back tears, I contacted my new server and discovered they had taken down the site because when my files were transferred from my old server, 100+ infected pages were discovered. Customer service assured me that my website was not really gone, but had to be cleaned up.

Twelve hours and $200 later, my new security company had “disinfected” my site and it was up and running. Since then I’ve spent another 8-10 hours implementing most of the recommended security measures (not quite done yet). As of this writing, WordPress seems to be working fine although I still cannot post to Facebook.

And did I mention that the same day my website “disappeared,” my husband came down with the flu replete with a horrible, hacking cough? While I struggled all week to follow instructions written in technical jargon way above my pay grade, I couldn’t get a sympathy hug, a de-stressing neck massage or even talk to him because any vocalizing brought on a new coughing fit. (My dearest friends for the past week have been Lysol spray and Clorox disinfecting wipes!)

And why in the world am I telling you all this? Partly because I thought it might be good therapy for me and cheaper than actual counseling 🙂 but mainly because I want to say that: GOD IS GOOD.

Most of the time people utter that phrase when things have gone well–a good CT scan, improved blood counts, successful surgery, disappearance of side effects. We tend to say “God is good” when our prayer has been answered the way we hoped it would.

But that’s not the message of scripture. The Bible says that God is good ALL the time.

Psalm 145:8,9 The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The LORD is good to all; He has compassion on all He has made.

Psalm 119:68 You are good and do only good; teach me your decrees.

Psalm 34:8 Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him.

We tend to think God is good when disaster has been averted or circumstances improve, but God is good even when disaster strikes and circumstances do not get better. All of God’s attributes–including His goodness–are present all the time.

  • He is good when your phone has to be wiped out.
  • He is good when your blog doesn’t work.
  • He is good when your website disappears.
  • He is good when your husband has the flu just when you really need him.
  • He is good when the cancer recurs.
  • He is good when the pain doesn’t stop.
  • He is good when…you fill in the blank based on your day (week, month or year!)

The Old Testament prophet Habakkuk understood this truth:

Even though the fig trees have no blossoms,
    and there are no grapes on the vines;
even though the olive crop fails,
    and the fields lie empty and barren;
even though the flocks die in the fields,
    and the cattle barns are empty,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord!
    I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!
The Sovereign Lord is my strength!
Habakkuk 3:17-19a

We see the goodness of God when we remember that He loved us so much He allowed His only Son’s prayers to go unanswered (Luke 22:42) in order to save our souls and make sure this trial-filled life is not all there is for us. And until that day we are set free from all our struggles (I’m positive there is no technology in Heaven), He gives us strength through His Holy Spirit to face each day.

Yes, God IS good all the time!

Oct 25

“Mother, PLEASE, I’d rather do it myself!”

  Anybody else old like me and remember the 1965 Anacin pain reliever commercial shown  here?  

I was a pre-teen when that commercial appeared on the screen of our little black-and-white TV (with the aluminum foil on the rabbit ears) and my mom and I thought it was hilarious. We would joke around and quote it to each other whenever one of us offered to do something for the other. But headache or not, I think most of us are I’d-rather-do-it-myself kind of people. That’s one of the reasons why it’s especially frustrating when serious or chronic illness hits us or those we care about. It’s not really in our nature to admit there’s something weighing us down and we can’t really fix it. How heavy is the load you are carrying these days? Are your arms weary from trying to hold up yourself or your loved one? Is your back breaking from the weight of medical bills piling up? Is your mind exhausted from trying to keep track of all the appointments and medications? Is your spirit feeling let down by the unfairness of life? Jesus has an exchange He’d like to make: your heavy burdens for His light one. Then Jesus said,”Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give  you rest, Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 NLT

Notice He doesn’t promise to just take everything away so that we have no burdens? It’s as if right now we’re plowing through life as a single ox Image result for photo double yoked oxenwith a heavy yoke on our necks. When we give that big burden to Jesus, He comes alongside us, attaches His double yoke, and plows right with us.

No wonder our burdens are so much lighter and we are so much less weary! You don’t have to carry this heavy load by yourself. Lay down your I-can-do-it-by-myself yoke and allow Jesus to lighten the load as you walk side by side through whatever lies ahead.   Please enjoy this “oldie but goodie” song from 1975 by Chuck Girard, whom I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing back in the ’90s when he sang at Houghton College (and yes, I still own and listen to this album!). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbLpncI4OvY