Category: Chronic illness

Feb 11

Who’s Taking Care of YOU?

Do you know what to do if you’re on an airplane and there’s a sudden loss of cabin pressure?

Image by Orna from Pixabay

Scream? Pray? Help other passengers?

All good ideas, but if you paid attention to the flight attendant before takeoff, you know to “secure your own oxygen mask first before you help others.” 

Thankfully, I’ve never been on a plane experiencing a sudden loss in cabin pressure, but hearing a diagnosis of cancer or facing some other life-altering situation in your life or your loved one’s certainly can make one feel faint.

It’s common for folks to feel exhausted while caring for a cancer patient…or aging parents…or special needs children…or a loved one with a chronic condition…or grandchildren caught in a nasty divorce. The weeks, months or even years of loving support can weary anyone.

Many years ago I remember being awakened–yet again– in the middle of the night hearing my father-in-law in his bedroom below us. When I checked, I found him sitting stark naked on the bed. I asked him about his clothes to which he replied: “Ralph took them off.”

I redressed him, went back upstairs, chided my husband for disrobing his dad and tried to get back to sleep before I had to get three little girls ready for school.

I’ve been a caregiver for family members—either unwell physically or mentally—for most of the past three decades. I’ve had a relative with dementia living in our home for years and I’ve made bi-weekly seven-hour car trips for months to be with a relative undergoing chemo. I’ve been so physically fatigued I had to literally crawl up the second-floor stairs and I’ve been so emotionally exhausted I’ve spent hundreds of dollars pouring out my woes to a counselor.

Being a caregiver is incredibly hard…I get it.

But I also know we make the task even more difficult when we fail to take good care of ourselves. Do you know what Jesus said the two most important commandments are? First, “Love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength” and second, “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

Don’t miss those last two words: “as yourself.” It doesn’t just say to “love your neighbor.” It says we need to love ourselves. In fact, we can’t really love other people if we don’t love ourselves.

It is not selfish of you to do something refreshing, rejuvenating or relaxing for yourself. You cannot “fill up” your loved one when both of you are running on fumes. 

I remember when I settled my mother’s estate after she lived the last years of her life in a wonderful continuing care retirement community. There was a whopping $900 left.

I gave our three girls $100 each and told them to treat themselves. I gave my brother $300 and told him to do the same. And then I took my $300 and went to Hershey Spa for the day. I’m positive that my mom–a very frugal person–approved of my splurge.

If you can’t leave your family member alone, this is the time to call in one of those offers of help that others have made.  Watch a funny movie, enjoy a massage, go fishing, get a pedicure, take a walk, hit a bucket of balls, catch a nap. Do something to lift your spirits so afterward you can once again lift someone else’s.

And please cut yourself some slack as you wait for your caregiving burden to ease.  Here’s a prayer from the song “Make it Well” by MercyMe*:

I need a peace that only Heaven knows
Jesus, could you please
just sit and cry with me
Till I can sing
Till I can sing
It is well with my soul.

++++++++++++++++++Excerpted from Peace in the Face of Cancer ©Lynn Eib 2017+++++++++++++
* Please open in your browser https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLrF-ml7uks&list=RDxLrF-ml7uks&start_radio=1  to hear  “Make it Well” by MercyMe (from their new film “I Can Only Imagine 2” in theaters Feb. 20).

Sep 09

When Eagles Get Too Wet

If you’re wondering how I’m feeling after my August mini-sabbatical set aside for renewal and refreshment, I can describe it in two words:

Wet eagle.

No, not wet beagle…wet eagle. And I don’t mean a damp eagle, I mean a really soaking wet eagle.

Confused? Let me explain.

Four days before our scheduled family vacation the first week of August, my husband developed back pain so severe he couldn’t even stand straight. His chiropractor–after twice attempting adjustments–sent him to orthopedic urgent care. X-rays were negative and the diagnosis was sciatica with an Rx for six days of tapering prednisone.

Back at  home I parked my usually very helpful husband into a La-Z-Boy recliner and began caring for him while I finished all the packing for our week-long trip to a lakeside cabin coincidentally named “Eagles’ Landing.” Unfortunately, all that extra walking, leaning and carrying exacerbated my two medical issues: a plantar plate tear on the bottom of my foot, and the post-herpetic neuralgia in my back (think burning shingles pain which doesn’t go away).

I’ll spare you the play-by-play of our health saga, but more than a month later, we now know Ralph has a herniated L4 disc. Thankfully, he can stand up straight, but still has a long way to heal.

Meanwhile, my pain persists, which brings me back to wet eagles.

Did you know that an eagle’s estimated 7,000 feathers are not fully waterproof?  If they get saturated with too much moisture, these majestic birds actually get waterlogged and become aerodynamically unable to fly.

And if this occurs when they’re on the water–perhaps fishing for prey which fights and pulls them under–the eagle doesn’t have the lift necessary to take off. So it must start swimming toward land as evidenced in the link to this amazing 9-second video IMG_3615 taken recently by our friend Chris Gaffga as he kayaked on the Potomac River beside a too-wet-eagle.

After climbing ashore, Chris’s eagle spread its feathers and waited on the rocks for the sun to dry them before attempting to fly again.

That leads us to an important truth. While bald eagles normally soar up to 10,000 feet and golden eagles up to twice that high…

Sometimes even eagles can’t soar. 

I wanted to “soar” last month, but it didn’t happen. And I know many of you can relate. You or your loved one is dealing with a chronic condition. Or facing a serious diagnosis. Or reeling from life-altering circumstances. Perhaps you’ve felt water-logged for months, years or even decades.

Physically, some of us or our loved ones aren’t going to “soar” again here on Earth, but I believe spiritually we all can be lifted above the turmoil.


He gives power to the weak
    and strength to the powerless.
Even youths will become weak and tired,
    and young men will fall in exhaustion.
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
    They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
    They will walk and not faint.--Isaiah 40:29-31

Image by rise-a-mui from Pixabay

Even if the physical deliverance doesn’t come in the way we prayed, God can give us emotional strength and spiritual power to not grow weary or faint. Who knows? He might send an eagle or maybe a  whole flock of them to carry us.

In the meantime, keep swimming, keep flapping, and keep trusting in the LORD. I’m right there with you…while I wait for the Son to someday dry my feathers.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Open in your browser to hear “Lead Me to to the Rock” by Carly Fletcher.