Category: attitude

Are you as contented as a 2-year-old?

A few years ago I was eating breakfast on the deck with my oldest grandchild, Bauer, 2½ at the time. Thanks
to my husband’s green thumb, the deck was bursting with beautiful blooms. As I stumbled around, chiding my foggy brain to wake up, little Bauer let out a small toddler sigh.

“It’s lovely out here,” he said with a sweet smile. “We have everything we need.”

Ah, contentment.

A bowl of multigrain Cheerios with milk, a Lightning McQueen sippy cup of O.J., the beauty of nature and a day with grandma—what more could you possibly need?

Maybe a clear PET scan? How about a drop in the tumor marker? No more medicine side-effects would be nice. An insurance company that didn’t balk at paying for what the doctor ordered would be really great.

It’s difficult to have childlike contentment when we live in a grown-up world where in the U.S. alone every 30 seconds a new cancer diagnosis is made and every 65 seconds someone develops Alzheimer’s. It’s never easy to find contentment while watching a loved one deal with a physical assault on his/her body—especially knowing we are helpless to stop it.

My dear friends Don and Jean, longtime members of the church my husband founded, know all too well how Image may contain: 2 people, including Jean Hessler Abbey, people smiling, people sitting and indoorit feels to have your world turn upside down and to frantically search for contentment again.

Both retired school teachers, Jean was diagnosed with inoperable, stage 4 non-small cell lung cancer at Christmas time 2013.

“I was shocked,” she recalls. “I thought I was too healthy to get cancer. I was doing all the ‘right’ things to be a healthy person—never smoking, eating right, exercising, weight control, regular checkups and all that.”

Since that shocking diagnosis, both Don and Jean have tried to live in the moment, but the admonition to “take one day at a time” is “the opposite of our teaching careers,” she says. “As teachers we always had to look ahead and plan for another day.”

“Learning to live one day at a time—and live it to the fullest—has been no easy task for me,” Don acknowledges. “My mind is always ‘planning’ the future, so I have had to change the way I think about tomorrow. I’m not there 100-percent, but I’m way better than I was.

“I think both of us in our own way just turned this whole thing over to God,” Don adds. “For me it’s putting total faith in His plan—knowing it’s a perfect plan—even if I don’t understand it all.”

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I’ve thought often about my grandson’s contented sentiment, especially mornings when I sit down with my to-do list ready to organize everything that I think needs to be done that day.  Sometimes I smile to myself and say “It’s a lovely day and I have everything I need.”

Perhaps that’s a sentiment with which you could start your day? The words of a toddler could be described as childish, but if like Don and Jean, you have faith in a loving God, they can become childlike trust.

Of one thing I am certain: my soul has become calm, quiet, and contented in You. 
Like a weaned child resting upon his mother, I am quiet.  Psalm 131:2 The Voice

 A soul that is calm, quiet and contented in God. 

What do you need today for your soul to be content? Ask your Heavenly Father and expect His answer.

 Know this: my God will also fill every need you have according to His glorious riches in Jesus the Anointed, our Liberating King. Philippians 4:19 The Voice Bible

…for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. Philippians 4:11-13 NLT

(If the music video doesn’t automatically load, click on https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AHe_qmo3gX4 )

 

 

 

 

“I refuse to be robbed of peace…”

 

Have you ever met someone and been amazed at the JOY and PEACE exuding from that person? Did simply being in their presence make you feel better about yourself and your world? I’d like to introduce you to one of those kind of people: my friend, Bola Montoya Taylor.

Bola was a Filipino jazz and gospel singer, best known for founding, along with her husband Ken, the Hallelujah Gospel Family choir in Japan, where the couple was serving as missionaries. It was the country’s first such choir and composed almost entirely of non-Christians, who had been introduced to black gospel in the American film “Sister Act” starring Whoopie Goldberg.

That initial group grew to 70 choirs with more than 1,000 members, all of whom no doubt were devastated when Bola posted a Facebook message in early September 2015 that her cancer had returned and no more treatments were available.

The news saddened me, too, as a mutual friend had earlier sent Bola one of my books and introduced us via Facebook. I hurriedly set up a time to Skype with Bola as I was writing my last book Peace in the Face of Cancer and wanted to interview and include her.

She was obviously tired, but her beautiful smile radiated joy and peace. We chatted about how it feels to know you are dying and leaving behind a husband and three children then ages, 18-23.

“I do not worry about myself because I know the future God has planned for me,” she calmly told me. “And the God who can take care of me can take care of my family, too.

“I refuse to be robbed of peace by something over which I absolutely have no control,” she added. “Allowing yourself to go down that rabbit hole of worry is just giving the enemy victory.”

We talked about her plans for the following week to marshal enough strength to perform one last time, on her 54th birthday, at the popular “Satin Doll” Tokyo jazz club. Image may contain: 2 people, people smiling, text

“I want my swan song to be for Jesus!” she said, tearing up for the first time in our lengthy conversation.

And what a swan song it was! Bola, dressed in vibrant teal and purple, was flanked by pianist-husband Ken and her jazz band snappily dressed in black and white. (You can see a short clip from the concert  below.) Perched on a stool with her life-sustaining, intravenous TPN (Total Parenteral Nutrition) bag resting on the floor, she sang for 170 fans—only about 30 of whom were Christ-followers—crowded into a room built for 100. Another 1,500 watched a livestream online.

“Please know that Ken and I love you from the bottom of our hearts,” she said at the concert’s close. “You can have the peace and the joy and the rest that I’m enjoying right now (because) Jesus is REAL!”

The Japanese are not known for showing emotion, but many in the audience could be seen wiping away tears. Exactly four weeks later, Bola came to the end of her earthly life. One can only imagine the souls touched for eternity by her life

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Don’t worry; I’m not going to suggest that everyone facing a life-threatening illness needs to perform a “swan song” last concert—no offense, but I imagine some of your voices could be quite painful to the listening ears. 🙂

But I do hope you are thinking about how you want to be remembered. Image may contain: 1 person, standing

“I pray that I’ve lived well according to God’s plan,” Bola said. “I pray I also die well.”

Would you be willing to pray that prayer today? Pray that you live well according to God’s plan, however many weeks, months or years are remaining. And pray that when the time comes—as it will for all of us unless Jesus comes back first—that you die well.

I remember praying fairly soon after my diagnosis something like this: “Lord, I don’t want to have cancer and I hate having such an uncertain future, but I pray that as I go through this I will represent you well and others will see Jesus in me.”

I guarantee you that is a prayer God always wants answer for you.

Psalm 27:5 The Voice Bible:
His house is my shelter and secret retreat.
It is there I find peace in the midst of storm and turmoil.
Safety sits with me in the hiding place of God.
He will set me on a rock, high above the fray.

Psalm 85:8 The Voice Bible:
I will hear what the True God—the Eternal—will say,
for He will speak peace over His people,
peace over those who faithfully follow Him…

(If the music video doesn’t automatically load, please use this link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHbDcYDl5hA )

And here’s Bola’s introduction to her birthday concert at the Satin Doll Jazz Club with her Japanese translator (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUYCaWt2ecE )

Happy Trails to You!

 

Did I ever tell you about the time I sang in church with Roy Rogers? 

It was the fall of 1969 during my senior year of high school and my family was newly attending a small church in Apple Valley, California. One Sunday morning the four of us traipsed into the little sanctuary toward a partially filled row. For some reason my eighth-grade brother, Jim, tried to squirm past me to get to the row first. Like a typical, annoyed older sister, I pushed him back and told him to sit on the end by Dad like he always did.

After we were seated, I silently snickered as I checked out the man on my left: very uncool cowboy boots; dorky bolo tie; gaudy gold wristwatch with big red gems and a bear head. Looks like a real hick.

I finally glanced at the man’s face and then whispered to my little brother, “Doesn’t this guy look like Roy Rogers if Roy Rogers was really old?”

My brother’s bony elbow jabbed my ribs as he loudly whispered back, “You, stupid, that is Roy Rogers!”

I gulped, scooted my chair closer to Roy, and when he offered to share his hymnal on the first song, took hold of it and sang my heart out with the King of Cowboys![1]

I hope you know the “Happy Trails” melody which signed off TV episodes of the Roy Rogers Show.[2] It’s a soothing, feel good song, which seems rather inappropriate for the unhappy trail of serious illness and other trials of life:  “Happy trails to you, until we meet again. Happy trails to you, keep smilin’ until then. Who cares about the clouds when we’re together? Just sing a song and bring the sunny weather.”

But listen to the song’s second verse:

“Some trails are happy ones,
Others are blue.”

Roy and Dale could have kept on making movies at that age...They look great!Roy and Dale, married for 50 years, had plenty of “blue” trails—three prior, short, failed marriages for Dale beginning at age 14; the death in childbirth of Roy’s first wife; toddler daughter Robin’s death from Down Syndrome complications; and the deaths of two of their four adopted/foster children—12-year-old daughter Debbie in a bus accident; and son Sandy, who choked to death while serving in the U.S. Army.

I can only imagine how many times Roy and Dale had to remind themselves of the rest of that verse:

“It’s the way you ride the trail that counts,
Here’s a happy one for you.”

So you’re on an extremely blue trail—how are you going to ride it?

 Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away,
yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us
an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 1 Corinthians 4:16-18

Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen;
it gives us assurance about things we cannot see. Hebrews 12:1

We ride our “blue trails” by faith and not by sight. And that’s how we find a new perspective as God sets us “high above.”


His house is my shelter and secret retreat.

It is there I find peace in the midst of storm and turmoil.
Safety sits with me in the hiding place of God.
He will set me on a rock, high above the fray. Psalm 27:5 The Voice Bible

Happy Trails to you, my friend, until we meet again.

 

[1] I laugh whenever I recall this incident because I’ve looked up Roy’s birthdate and know he turned 58 in November 1969—obviously “really old” to my 16-year-old eyes!

[2] You can listen to the original version online https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgw_yprN_-w or later versions by Van Halen and Randy Travis among others.

(If the music video below doesn’t automatically load, click on https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3TbAMExY_w)

“Folks are usually about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

I can’t promise you that Abraham Lincoln really did utter these words, but they have been attributed to him as far back as a 1914 newspaper column, and I agree with Honest Abe—or whomever really said them. And I can promise you that our minds can have an amazing impact on our bodies. 

I got chemo every Wednesday for six months and that evening we would take our girls to Shoney’s Restaurant for supper because kids 12 and under (of which we had three!) were free. I was always pretty nauseous, so while my family enjoyed the buffet, I sipped a cup of cream of broccoli soup and munched on saltines.

A couple weeks after I finished treatment, we decided to go to Shoney’s again and I was anticipating being able to enjoy the array of food, but guess what? I felt so nauseous I thought I was going to be sick just standing at the buffet. My mind was telling my stomach it had just gotten chemo and my gut was going along with the charade. I remember standing there holding on to the edge of the buffet willing myself not to throw up.

My sweet husband said we didn’t have to go to Shoney’s anymore, but I was determined not to be beaten by a mind trick. It took two or three more trips to the restaurant before the buffet nausea totally passed—and about two or three years before I could eat cream of broccoli soup again!

Obviously, the connection between mind and body is real and the effect on our body can be positive as well as negative. And while I don’t believe our thoughts can guarantee a positive outcome for our health, I do believe they can influence it.

“Psychoneuroimmunology” is the fancy label attached to the subject of mind-body healing, which is being studied increasingly by therapists and researchers, some of whom say they have discovered a hard-wire connection between the body’s immune system and the brain’s central nervous system.

So, if your brain has the ability to send messages to your immune system, “what you believe and tell yourself can become a powerful medication in your personal pharmacy,” according to the late psychologist Dr. William Backus. 

He advocated not just positive-thinking, but telling ourselves the truth about our situation. He gathered many examples of truthful healing beliefs embraced by those who have survived life-threatening illnesses. Here are a few he discovered:

  • “I refuse to believe my diagnosis is an automatic death sentence.
  • I believe treatment is effective against this illness, especially the skillful efforts of scientific medicine combined with my strategies for replacing lying thoughts with the truth.
  • I believe my hormones and immune system were created to be on the side of my healing and can work to overcome this illness.
  • I believe God is on the side of my healing because His unbreakable Word says so. 
  • I believe I am personally responsible for my treatment and for managing it.
  • I believe hope is a choice. I choose hope, not hopelessness.
  • My main goal is to have a mind fully yielded to the Spirit of God and His truth, not just to see better lab results or improved physical symptoms.
  • I believe I’m on earth to share Jesus, hope, and joy with others. I’m here to love others, regardless of my physical condition.
  • I believe that God’s will is good. I believe that He loves me and wants only the best for me—no matter what He is allowing me to experience right now.
  • I can recover from this illness and live a rich, productive life. But whether I recover or not, I am going to leave this life someday regardless. Until then I can live a full life of service every day for as long as I am given.”*

I’m grateful for medicine that doctors can prescribe to heal us or a least make us more comfortable. But why not add some, or even all, of these truths to your mental pharmacy? These prescriptions for your mind won’t cost a cent and always can be refilled—no insurance coverage needed!

Take your “mental medicine” and make your mind up to be happily at peace no matter what today brings—or doesn’t bring.

A sound mind makes for a robust body,
but runaway emotions corrode the bones. Proverbs 14:30 The Message Bible paraphrase

When anxiety overtakes me and worries are many,
Your comfort lightens my soul. Psalm 94:19 The Voice Bible

You will keep the peace, a perfect peace, for all who trust in You,
for those who dedicate their hearts and minds to You. Isaiah 26:3 The Voice Bible

*William Backus, The Healing Power of the Christian Mind (Minneapolis: Bethany House, a division of Baker Publishing Group, 1996) 96.

(If the music video doesn’t load, please use this link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTDoDA-1lsE)

 “Do one thing every day that scares you.”

I love this quote attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt. I can only imagine how many “scary” things this American First Lady had to do each day. She was described as a shy child and was orphaned by age 10. Later her husband, Franklin D. Roosevelt, was stricken with polio, necessitating her expanded role in his political career. Eventually she became the first First Lady to speak out on political and humanitarian issues, for which she was both strongly criticized and enthusiastically praised. I wonder if she woke up each day reminding herself: Do one thing today that scares you.

That’s probably a good mantra for those facing serious trials and their caregivers—although some days you may have to do several things that scare you!

A post appearing online in recent years asserts that the phrase “Fear not” appears in the Bible exactly 365 times—one for each day of the year. The first time I saw that post, my natural reaction—as a reporter who needs two sources to verify anything—was to look it up and count them for myself.  I turned to BibleGateway.com and discovered the King James Version uses that phrase 64 times—exactly .1753424 times for each day of the year.

Okay, just because it’s not listed 365 times doesn’t mean it’s not good advice for every single day.  So what do we do with our understandably fearful reactions?

There’s a great story in the Bible which I believe offers some clues. It’s found in 2 Chronicles 20. The Jewish king Jehoshaphat was told that some great armies were coming to attack Jerusalem. His reaction was not atypical from what ours might be—he “was terrified” and then he “begged the Lord for guidance” (2 Chronicles 20:3). Shortly, God answered that prayer by sending His Spirit to speak through one of the king’s men:

He said, “Listen, all you people of Judah and Jerusalem! Listen, King Jehoshaphat! This is what the Lord says: Do not be afraid! Don’t be discouraged by this mighty army, for the battle is not yours, but God’s. Tomorrow, march out against them. You will find them coming up through the ascent of Ziz at the end of the valley that opens into the wilderness of Jeruel. But you will not even need to fight. Take your positions; then stand still and watch the Lord’s victory. He is with you, O people of Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid or discouraged. Go out against them tomorrow, for the Lord is with you!” 2 Chronicles 20:15-17

The king and his people agreed to “fear not”—instead they believed God and began to worship Him, praise Him, and sing to Him. At the very moment they did this, the Bible says God caused the approaching armies to fight amongst themselves and kill each other. The Israelites won the battle without a fight because God fought for them.

Logically, standing still does not sound like a good way to win a battle. But then God’s ways are not our ways, are they? The armies coming against Jehoshaphat were way too large and powerful to be defeated by him. The situation was hopeless from his perspective—but it was hope-filled from God’s vantage point. All the king had to do was acknowledge his fear, pray to God and then stand still.

One of the most difficult admonitions in Scripture for me to follow is Psalm 46:10: “Be still and know that I am God.” 

The word translated still in Psalm 46:10 is the Hebrew word harpu. I’m no Hebrew scholar, but I did some research and found it conveys the idea of ceasing to act or letting go. It’s the opposite of striving with our arms up, ready to fight or at least defend ourselves.

I know that we talk about “battling” cancer or other illnesses, but I also think that at times we need to quit striving, acknowledge our fears, surrender the fight to God and release His power to work in our situation.

Perhaps the scariest thing God is calling you to do today is to “be still” and trust Him.

The LORD is for me, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me? Psalm 118:6 NLT

COURAGEOUS PEACE REPLACES fear when we are still and know He is God. (This post is excerpted and adapted from Peace in the Face of Cancer, copyright Lynn Eib 2017.)

[1] Although this quote is widely attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt, including in a 2013 book by the same name, I could not verify any original sources. The earliest verifiable print source with this phrase appears to be a June 1997 Chicago Tribune advice column by Mary Schmich. But even if Mrs. Roosevelt didn’t utter this sentiment, I think she lived it!

(If the music doesn’t load, please use this link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p0B-yfgmezM)