Category: disappointment

Oct 10

How Paris and God Brought Healing for Me

Jack (Jacques), 7, & Mathis (Matisse), 5, sporting mustaches & “French” poses!

Last month I blogged about “The Tale of Two Towers” and how I spent 12 days at Tower Health Hospital instead of 11 days visiting Paris and the Eiffel Tower (see Sept. 13 post). Today I want to share the joy of how Paris and God showed up bringing healing to my weary soul (FYI my FB friends have seen some, but not all of this story.)

So, when you’re in the hospital and don’t get to go to Paris as planned the month before, what does your family do for your 70th birthday? Of course…they bring Paris TO YOU!

 If you click here IMG_9371, you’ll see a video of the Paris welcome at our youngest daughter’s home. 

French flags everywhere. For Ralph, a black beret, and for me, a fuchsia one with matching scarf and sunglasses.  A large wall hanging featuring Paris landmarks. An Eiffel Tower replica on the table. French birthday greetings.

And lots of French food–including delicious quiches and a cordon bleu casserole made by son-in-law Frank.

And to top it off, in came our Delaware friends Bud and Carol Russell, with whom we were supposed to have gone to Paris and on a Seine River cruise.

Yes, I cried.

I finally cried over having to cancel–on the VERY day we were supposed to leave–our long-anticipated early 50th anniversary celebration.

I cried because I’m so thankful to make it to 70 after surgery for a small bowel obstruction, and a long ago colon cancer diagnosis with only a 40-percent chance of survival.

But mostly I cried because I felt so loved by God and by family members who were excited to celebrate me in such an incredibly creative way. ( I later found out the Paris party was my son-in-law Josh’s idea while I was still in the hospital!).

I wouldn’t trade all that love for a ZILLION trips to Paris. 

Before that special evening I felt quite traumatized by my hospital stay–especially the 10 days with an extremely uncomfortable nasogastric tube–and my emotions had really shut down. As you can imagine, having another colon resection brought back painful flashbacks to 1990. It was as Yankees’ catcher Yogi Berra once quipped: ” Like déjà vu all over again!”

In the hospital and eventually at home, I plodded along trying to recover physically, emotionally and spiritually. But that’s really difficult when you feel like crap–weak, no appetite, in pain, hoarse, and with poor sleep.

I honestly couldn’t even feel God’s presence in those dark days. Oh, I knew intellectually that He was there because He will never leave me. But despite the many prayers, I couldn’t feel Him.

Maybe you’ve been in this “pit” of discouragement sometime. Perhaps you’re even there right now.

Daughters Lindsey, Bethany & Danielle (on the phone with COVID!)

My friend, do not lose hope that God will show up and that supernaturally you will feel His love–and even His joy–again.

I can’t promise that your family will bring Paris to you, but God knows exactly what you need to experience His presence. Keep asking Him…and keep believing He will show up.

He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and mire.
He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along.
He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Psalm 40:1-3

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Open in browser to hear “God is with Us” by The Afters. (My second choice of a song was Lesley Gore’s “It’s My Party and I’ll Cry if I Want To.)

Sep 12

The Tale of Two Towers

Two “tower” options…which would you prefer?


An 11-day visit to Paris, including the Eiffel Tower, Louvre, Notre Dame, Sainte-Chapelle and all-you-can-eat meals on a week-long riverboat cruise up the Seine.

Or a 12-day stay at Pottstown Hospital-Tower Health, including 10 days without eating or drinking, an NG tube, a PICC line and a bowel resection.

Is your choice made? Yeah, I thought mine was, too. But that was before the worst pain and nausea of my life convinced me to go to the ER late on the night of Aug. 12.

A CT scan showed a small bowel obstruction and I was admitted the next morning.

Did I mention that our suitcases were packed for our nonstop Paris flight leaving that night with traveling companions Bud and Carol Russell?  Oh, and by the way, this was to be an early celebration of our 50th wedding anniversary coming in December!

Doctors and we decided to wait-and-see if the twisted loops would untangle themselves. We enlisted family and friends to pray and I changed our departing flight from Sunday to Wednesday night, in hopes we could still make the cruise which began Thursday afternoon.

Meanwhile, a thin, flexible plastic nasogastric tube was inserted in my nose, down my throat and esophagus, and into my stomach to suction out its contents.  A few ice chips became the only item on my daily menu.

By Tuesday afternoon it seemed obvious that the bowel was not going to untwist itself in time and I canceled our Paris flight, notified the cruise ship and the travel insurance companies. On Friday, I was in the operating room having a bowel resection–eerily reminiscent of 33 years ago when I had a colon resection, but thankfully, this time without a cancer diagnosis.

I stayed in the hospital another week post-surgery, while my seven grandkids all prayed for Grandma to pass gas (marching and shouting “Fart! Fart!”). 

I’ve been home a little over two weeks now and am trying to build up my stamina, find food that tastes good, gain weight, and get my digestive system settled into another new normal.

Homecoming day–exhausted, but had to wash my hair!

I debated about whether to even write about this ordeal, but I’ve tried to be so honest and transparent in my books and blogs that it just didn’t feel right not letting people know.  Still, I worried about sharing my story when so many of you have tons of stress in your life already. And  besides, I know that missing out on an amazing trip is nothing compared to so many other losses.  I also thought perhaps I should wait to write until I had some profound piece of wisdom or spiritual gem learned from all this, but nothing materialized.

(Of course, I’m thankful that God didn’t allow this to happen on the 7-hour flight or after we arrived in a foreign country. But if I’m honest, I wish He would have delayed it until after we got back home!)

 

Last week a question posed in a Rick Warren devotion got me thinking: “What about the problems you’re going through right now–they’re a test of your faithfulness. Will you continue to serve God even when life stinks?”

So here’s my “wisdom”: life STINKS, but I will serve God no matter what.

I make this choice because I agree with Babbie Mason “When you don’t understand. When you can’t see His plan. When you can’t trace His hand, trust His heart.”

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Open in your browser to hear Babbie Mason sing this beautiful song “Trust His Heart.”

 

 

 

 

 

Jun 07

The Healing Power of Your Mind

So, who do you think you talk most to every day?

I know who that person is for me and although I can’t prove it, I bet it’s the same for you.

I don’t usually speak out loud to this person although once in awhile I have been known to blurt out a few words.

I don’t often engage in long conversations with this person, but during the night when I’d rather be sleeping they occasionally drag on.  Sometimes when I talk to this person it’s encouraging, but other times I feel worse when I hear this person speaking.

Can you guess who it is?

Well…the person with whom I converse the most each day is me! And I betting the one with whom you talk most is you.

So if we all talk that much to ourselves, what we tell ourselves becomes really important, doesn’t it?

Especially because our mind’s influence on our body can be positive as well as negative!

And while I don’t believe our thoughts can guarantee completely restored physical, emotional and mental health, I do believe they can influence all of these. Christian psychologist, the late Dr. William Backus says we need to remember three facts:

Your beliefs create your thoughts.

Your thoughts generate feelings.

Your feelings affect your body’s healing systems.

Dr. Backus advocates not just positive-thinking, but telling ourselves the truth about our situation. He has gathered many examples of truthful healing beliefs embraced by those who have survived life-threatening illnesses. Here are a few—I hope you add them to your mind’s “pharmacy” or share them with someone else who needs a healing touch:

  • “I refuse to believe my diagnosis is an automatic death sentence.
  • I believe treatment is effective against this illness, especially the skillful efforts of scientific medicine combined with my strategies for replacing lying thoughts with the truth.
  • I believe my hormones and immune system were created to be on the side of my healing and can work to overcome this illness.
  • I believe God is on the side of my healing because His unbreakable Word says so.
  • I believe I am personally responsible for my treatment and for managing it.
  • I believe hope is a choice. I choose hope, not hopelessness.
  • I believe I’m on earth to share hope, and joy with others. I’m here to love others, regardless of my physical condition.
  • I believe that God’s will is good. I believe that He loves me and wants only the best for me—no matter what He is allowing me to experience right now.
  • I can recover from this illness and live a rich, productive life. But whether I recover or not, I am going to leave this life someday regardless. Until then I can live a full life of service every day for as long as I am given.” *

You don’t just honor God when you speak pleasing words to Him, but you also honor Him when you speak pleasing words to yourself.

Gentle words are a tree of life; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.
–Proverbs 15:4

Kind words are like honey—
sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.–Proverbs 16:24

 

*William Backus, The Healing Power of the Christian Mind (Minneapolis: Bethany House, a division of Baker Publishing Group, 1996) 96.
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Open in your browser to hear “Let the Words of My Mouth” by Fernando Ortega.

May 24

Are you telling yourself the truth?

Do you remember the old game show “To Tell the Truth”?

My mother and I enjoyed watching that daytime show in the ’60s, but if you’re not familiar with it then or the later remakes, here’s the gist.

Three people introduce themselves as the same person–a real individual  who has an incredible story to tell. Of course, only one is telling the truth. Four celebrity panelists ask the contestants questions to try and determine whom they believe.

Sometimes my mom and I spotted the truth-teller, but other times we totally believed the convincing, but wrong person.

As a trained journalist, I like to think of myself as a diehard truth-teller. But while my writing facts are accurate, I know some of the things I tell myself (and believe) are not truth-filled. Especially when I’m physically tired and emotionally overwhelmed, my self-talk can sink into lies or at least half-truths. (I don’t know about you, but those old, discouraging “tapes” in my brain can really take over!)

Christian psychologist, the late Dr. William Backus defines self-talk as “the words we tell ourselves about people, self, experiences, life in general, God, the future, the past…all the words you say to yourself all the time.”

Dr. Backus further explains that “In emotional and mental health, what you believe is all important…Other people, circumstances, events and material things are not what make you happy. What you believe about these things is what makes you happy or unhappy.”

That’s why if you don’t want to be fooled by untruths, Dr.Backus says you need to do three things:

  1. Locate your misbeliefs
  2. Remove them.
  3. Replace the misbeliefs with truth.

Here are just a few truths Dr. Backus recommends we tell ourselves:

  • Even if the thing I’m worrying about happens, I can face it without falling apart because God’s Word says my strength is made perfect in weakness.
  • I am not responsible for providing the solutions to everyone’s problems because others can minister as well.
  • God has created me as an emotional being so I can expect to have emotions. But God also has given me the fruit of the Spirit: self-control. I will control my feelings so they can’t control me.

Jesus explained the real source of lies is Satan himself: “He has always hated the truth because there is no truth in him. When he lies, it is consistent with his character; for he is a liar and the father of lies.”

In contrast, one of the phrases Jesus often spoke was “I tell you the truth” or “Verily, verily” as the KJV translates it. He is the ultimate truth-teller and can be trusted.

Does anyone want to live a life that is long and prosperous?
Then keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies. –Psalm 34:12-13

The psalmist might have been thinking about not lying to others, but I believe that spiritual truth applies also to what we tell ourselves.

So what are you facing that needs some truth-telling?  Illness? A chronic health condition?  Divorce? Financial struggles? A wayward child? Grief? Loneliness?

Whatever it is, dear friend, please tell yourself and believe this truth from Dr. Backus: “My circumstances don’t have to be pleasant or happy because my joy comes from my relationship with God and His unchanging faithfulness.”

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise…Then the God of peace will be with you. –Philippians 4:8-9

NEXT BLOG: THE HEALING POWER OF A CHRISTIAN MIND
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Open in your browser to hear the powerful song “Voice of Truth”  © 2003 by Casting Crowns. 

Apr 26

The Goodness of God and the “Badness” of Life

The other morning as I listened to CeCe Winans belt out the song “The Goodness of God,” I suddenly had flashbacks of “bad” things I’ve experienced in my nearly seven decades of living.

A Mother’s Day miscarriage.

A life-threatening cancer diagnosis.

Untimely deaths of dear friends.

Painful turmoil in churches.

Addiction crises ending in suicides.

Heartbreaking marriage problems in friends and families.

Heartfelt prayers without the hoped-for answer.

I began to feel an overwhelming sadness and asked myself: How can I sing the words “all my life You have been faithful; all my life You have been so, so good” when I know I have seen a lot of so, so bad?

How about you? Have you ever asked the question “God, if you’re so good, why has this happened?” Or ” Lord, why hasn’t this happened?”

I sure have.

Why now, Lord?

Why them, Father?

Why, again, God?

Why didn’t You do what I know You have the power to do?

I don’t think the Creator of the Universe is dismayed at all by our honest questions. Just read through the Psalms and you will hear the writers pleading with God.

Some want Him to hurry up…

Lord, hear my prayer! Listen to my plea!
Don’t turn away from me in my time of distress.
Bend down to listen, and answer me quickly when I call to you. Psalm 102:1-2

Some feel incredibly discouraged…

Save me, O God, for the floodwaters are up to my neck.
 Deeper and deeper I sink into the mire; I can’t find a foothold.
I am in deep water, and the floods overwhelm me.
 I am exhausted from crying for help; my throat is parched.
My eyes are swollen with weeping, waiting for my God to help me. Psalm 69:1-3

During that recent morning of listening to “the goodness of God,” while visualizing the “badness” of life, the explanation came to me.

All of life is not good, but all of God is.

“The Lord, the Lord God, merciful and gracious, long-suffering, and abounding in goodness and truth “is how God described Himself to Moses.

Yes, God is good…all the time. He is good in the good times and He is good in the bad times. He doesn’t prove His goodness by making life easy or fair or happy. We can trust that His goodness is simply His character and cannot be changed.

As author Chris Tiegreen explains it: “Real faith recognizes God’s nature against all visible circumstances and says ‘I know who You are, I know You’re good, even if I can’t see Your goodness right now’.”

And as Psalm 23 promises “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

Won’t you join CeCe Winans today and sing about “The Goodness of God”?

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(Be sure to open this blog in your browser to hear the music video.)