Category: caregivers

Nov 28

When Hope Walked into the Room

At age 37 Chris Lawrence looked to be the picture of a happy, healthy life.  He had a loving wife and a beautiful 6-month-old daughter. He led outdoor adventures for a large Christian ministry and spent his free time enjoying strenuous activities like rock climbing, whitewater rafting, downhill skiing, backpacking, long distance running and mountain climbing.

But then came the searing back pain and eventually an MRI, which in the spring of 2016 revealed bile duct cancer spread to his liver, ribs, back and pelvis.

“I had been running triathlons and doing well, only to find out my health was bankrupt,” Chris told me in our recent phone conversation.

He and his wife Elizabeth  met with three oncologists  and each physician issued the same dire message: stage 4…incurable…no hope any treatment will help…maybe a year or so to live.

“One doctor said ‘we’ll put a metal rod in your back to help with the pain, but you’re pretty much going to die’,” he recalls. “It was the most depressing, worst thing ever.”

The first oncologist was near Chris’s Colorado Springs home and the next two were in South Dakota, where he had relocated so his parents could help care for his family. It was there in his hometown of Sioux Falls, Chris decided to make an appointment at Avera Cancer Institute–expecting to hear the same depressing news.

After getting blood work for “genomic sequencing” to identify the unique DNA fingerprint of Chris’s cancer, the couple and his parents met with oncologist #4, researcher Dr. Brian Leyland-Jones, Chief Medical Officer of the National Foundation for Cancer Research.

“We received the results of your genomic sequencing and in short, it’s good,” said the British doc with white wispy hair . “I know how to treat this.”

Chris’s reaction was “Wait…what??? He knows how to treat this? Of course, he made no promises, but it felt like hope walked into the room.”

His elated father scribbled “HOPE” across a nearby white board, signaling its arrival for the devastated family.

After a couple months of a multi-drug experimental treatment guided by the genomic testing, scans showed all the tumors were dying. More than a year later, Chris was declared in complete remission, where he miraculously has remained for seven years, even resuming his former athletic lifestyle.

Chris always will remember the moment when medical hope walked in the door, but he is clear that he already had deep spiritual hope. In fact, his favorite verse is Psalm 71:14 “But as for me, I always will have hope.”

“I  still was terrified about dying and leaving my wife and daughter,” he says. “It was incredibly difficult and there were no guarantees, but I had this hope God somehow would take care of my family.“

Unbeknownst to Chris, shortly after scrawling “HOPE” on that board, his dad also reserved the website address https://www.hopehasarrived.com

And in 2018 Chris founded Hope Has Arrived, a nonprofit dedicated to helping cancer survivors and their families through hope-filled stories, practical resources and prayer. To date they have assisted more than 3 million people.

“Our mission is to help you find hope, strength and peace against cancer,” explains Chris, who serves as the unpaid executive  director, along with a team of volunteers.

“When your life is threatened and you’re in the pit, you realize just how vital hope is,” Chris says. “And for me, I found that it was the key to facing cancer.

“That’s what I want for other people facing cancer: to find hope—to find hope like I have.”

I pray the God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him.
Then you will overflow will confident hope though the power of the Holy Spirit.–Romans 15:13

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Contact Chris at https://www.facebook.com/hopehasarrived or https://www.hopehasarrived.com And here’s the link to his newly published devotional, Called to the Wild, a 40-day journey of biblical reflections on faith, perseverance and surrender… written from one adventurer to another https://www.seaharp.com/calledtothewild

Open in your browser to hear “Hope in Front of Me” by Danny Gokey.

Oct 24

A Diagnosis Bringing Life…Not Death

Cancer could have killed her, but instead it’s teaching her how to live.

That’s how my friend Kim DeVries describes the past four years since a breast cancer diagnosis at the age of 51 rocked her world.

“I used to say ‘maybe someday I’ll do that,’ but now it’s more like ‘I’m going to do that!'” explains Kim, who recently hiked 20 miles at high elevation near her Colorado home.

She and Curt, her husband of 33 years, used to talk about “someday checking out” scenic sights. Now they’re more likely to say “Let’s go this weekend.”

And since finishing her surgery and radiation, Kim says she “appreciates the little things in life more.”

Photo taken from Kim’s yard

“I’ve always enjoyed watching sunrises and sunsets, but I appreciate them even more now,” she says. “Small things like a good cup of coffee, I take note of more easily.  And I see and appreciate the little details in nature more.”

Kim. a part-time library administrative assistant, says her cancer diagnosis “came as a complete shock.” No family history of breast cancer and no indications there was anything amiss until the tumor showed up on a mammogram.

Fortunately the cancer was caught early, but for a few weeks after the surgery, she waited anxiously to hear whether the tumor’s characteristics would require chemo.

“As I was relaxing one Sunday afternoon on the back deck of my house,” Kim recalls, “a house finch sitting on the deck railing looked directly at me and sang.

“The instant the bird flew away I heard a still, small voice saying, ‘Be still and know that I am God.’ I knew that no matter what happened God was in control and taking care of me.”

Shortly afterward, Kim and Curt were taking a walk and she decided to discuss a ministry called “Be Still and Know” with her husband…a self-admitted worrier.

“I feel like there’s something I’m supposed to be doing with all this,” Kim said as she explained her idea for “encouragement bags” for patients and caregivers with items that helped bring her peace during her cancer journey.

Curt’s response surprised and thrilled her; “I love that idea and if God has laid that on your heart, I’m not even worried about the cost.”

In 2021 Kim began putting bags together in her laundry room and handing them out for free to local cancer centers and churches. By 2022, she had a designated room in their home for the operation and to date, Kim estimates about 1,440 encouragement bags have been gifted.

At first, Kim hand stenciled “Let your Faith be Bigger than your Fear” on each bag, but eventually hired a supplier to do that job. However, she still personally packs and prays over each bag.

“We want to be a light in the dark for others and show that God is with them,” Kim says.

Recently, Curt heard from a business associate that her dear friend had stage 4 cancer, so he offered to send a bag.

“We have no idea whether this friend knew God before her diagnosis,” Kim says, “but on three separate occasions Curt’s business contact has specifically brought up that the Be Still and Know bag has changed her friend’s life. The friend has even  read the book (50 Days of Hope) twice!”

“Be still, be calm, see, and understand I am the True God.” Psalm 46:10 The Voice Bible

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++++++++++Be Still and Know is a 501(c) nonprofit, https://www.bestillandknowinc.org which is funded solely through individual donors. You can donate online to have a bag sent to either a male or female patient, or a caregiver. https://www.facebook.com/BeStillandKnowInc  

Open in your browser to hear “Be Still and Know” by Stephen Curtis Chapman.

Oct 10

How Paris and God Brought Healing for Me

Jack (Jacques), 7, & Mathis (Matisse), 5, sporting mustaches & “French” poses!

Last month I blogged about “The Tale of Two Towers” and how I spent 12 days at Tower Health Hospital instead of 11 days visiting Paris and the Eiffel Tower (see Sept. 13 post). Today I want to share the joy of how Paris and God showed up bringing healing to my weary soul (FYI my FB friends have seen some, but not all of this story.)

So, when you’re in the hospital and don’t get to go to Paris as planned the month before, what does your family do for your 70th birthday? Of course…they bring Paris TO YOU!

 If you click here IMG_9371, you’ll see a video of the Paris welcome at our youngest daughter’s home. 

French flags everywhere. For Ralph, a black beret, and for me, a fuchsia one with matching scarf and sunglasses.  A large wall hanging featuring Paris landmarks. An Eiffel Tower replica on the table. French birthday greetings.

And lots of French food–including delicious quiches and a cordon bleu casserole made by son-in-law Frank.

And to top it off, in came our Delaware friends Bud and Carol Russell, with whom we were supposed to have gone to Paris and on a Seine River cruise.

Yes, I cried.

I finally cried over having to cancel–on the VERY day we were supposed to leave–our long-anticipated early 50th anniversary celebration.

I cried because I’m so thankful to make it to 70 after surgery for a small bowel obstruction, and a long ago colon cancer diagnosis with only a 40-percent chance of survival.

But mostly I cried because I felt so loved by God and by family members who were excited to celebrate me in such an incredibly creative way. ( I later found out the Paris party was my son-in-law Josh’s idea while I was still in the hospital!).

I wouldn’t trade all that love for a ZILLION trips to Paris. 

Before that special evening I felt quite traumatized by my hospital stay–especially the 10 days with an extremely uncomfortable nasogastric tube–and my emotions had really shut down. As you can imagine, having another colon resection brought back painful flashbacks to 1990. It was as Yankees’ catcher Yogi Berra once quipped: ” Like déjà vu all over again!”

In the hospital and eventually at home, I plodded along trying to recover physically, emotionally and spiritually. But that’s really difficult when you feel like crap–weak, no appetite, in pain, hoarse, and with poor sleep.

I honestly couldn’t even feel God’s presence in those dark days. Oh, I knew intellectually that He was there because He will never leave me. But despite the many prayers, I couldn’t feel Him.

Maybe you’ve been in this “pit” of discouragement sometime. Perhaps you’re even there right now.

Daughters Lindsey, Bethany & Danielle (on the phone with COVID!)

My friend, do not lose hope that God will show up and that supernaturally you will feel His love–and even His joy–again.

I can’t promise that your family will bring Paris to you, but God knows exactly what you need to experience His presence. Keep asking Him…and keep believing He will show up.

He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and mire.
He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along.
He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Psalm 40:1-3

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Open in browser to hear “God is with Us” by The Afters. (My second choice of a song was Lesley Gore’s “It’s My Party and I’ll Cry if I Want To.)

Jan 31

Do You Have Home-Field Advantage?

Granddaughter Abby, 8, with her sign: “Go Hurts! You’re our #1 guy!”

THE PHILADELPHIA EAGLES ARE GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL!!!

And if you’re wondering what that announcement has to do with words to the weary, I must tell you that I started writing this blog in my mind as I lay awake in the middle of the night after the Eagles’ win. So it must be divine inspiration, right? (Keep reading to decide for yourself if that’s true!)

I was a big sports fan even before I graduated from THE Ohio State University. It’s fascinating how schools, especially ones the size of Ohio State and Penn State, have far better winning records at home. Their 100,000+-seat football stadiums filled with cheering crowds give them something called “home-field advantage.” Studies show home teams on average win 55%-70% of the time (and this phenomenon is not limited to football or colleges).

Several years ago the Boston Red Sox started the season 22-5 at home, with pitcher Roy Oswalt posting a 10-0 record at Fenway Park. When our middle daughter played basketball at Houghton (N.Y.) College, her team was 32-0 at home.

Which brings me back to “my” Eagles, who, as the top team in their division, competed at home for all their playoff games.

Sunday Tweet from former Eagle Chris Long

Eagles Head Coach Nick Sirianni predicted the advantage like this: “Our crowd inspires us. Our crowd makes it difficult for the opposing team with how much communication that has to happen…It’s going to be loud. We’ll feed off that…”

Sunday’s Philly crowd of almost 70,000 roared at 95 decibels most of the Eagles’ 31-7 win. (Not to brag, but our family’s “crowd” of 7 adults and 7 children hit 91 decibels during our off-key rendition of “Fly, Eagles Fly!”)

Sports psychologists don’t know for sure why the home team tends to win, but surmise that the presence of people who feel for us and with us helps bring out the best in us. Their cheers convey: “We care. We think you’re great. We’re proud of you.” And athletes respond by giving their best.

It’s the same way when we’re going through life’s trials, (which can bring out the worst in us). Having friends and family “cheer” us on can bring out the best in us: home-field advantage! 

It doesn’t matter how tough, strong, independent we are—the Bible says we shouldn’t try to go it alone.

“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.
If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble…
A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer.
Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.”--Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Bethany’s first (and last!) marathon in 2018 with Bauer, 7, running the last mile while cheering her on

We need to be willing to allow others to come along side and help us even though we probably would rather be on the giving end than the receiving. It’s humbling to let a friend scrub your toilets, mow your yard, or drive you to a doctor’s appointment, but when we turn down acts of kindness, we’re robbing others the joy of giving!

I hope as you face sickness or other life struggles, that you’re welcoming friends and family as your “cheering” crowd. Otherwise, it’s like choosing to play all your games away—no home-field advantage!

And if you’re blessed not to be facing any trials right now, please ask God to show you someone whose load you could lighten by cheering them on–maybe you’ll even hit 95 decibels!
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I hope you’re encouraged by this Michael W. Smith song “I Will Carry You.”

Dec 13

SIX THINGS ALWAYS TO SAY TO GRIEVERS

The holidays often are especially difficult for those who have lost a loved one.  How do we convey sympathy without saying something irritating or even downright painful? Have you ever felt helpless knowing what to say when someone has experienced a deep loss?

Here are my thoughts on SIX THINGS ALWAYS TO SAY TO GRIEVERS.

  1. I’m so sorry.
    It may not feel as if you’re saying much, but honestly, there are no words you can utter to take away grief. We comfort much better when we give up trying to say something to “fix” the sad situation–it can’t be done. Let your hug, your handshake, your tears convey that you are sharing in your friend’s sorrow. The best comforters simply feel another’s pain; they don’t try to explain it.
  2. Would it be helpful if I ________________________________?
    Fill in the blank with something practical: Brought a meal? Picked up your kids for a play date? Mowed your lawn? Helped you sort through paperwork? Took you out for coffee? Or whatever creative suggestion you think of–and then pick a date to do it. Concrete offers with a definite timetable are much more valuable than “Let me know if you need anything.” Grievers feel overwhelmed and don’t want to call people to ask them for a favor.
    If you know your friend’s “love language” (http://5lovelanguages.com), you can choose a sympathy expression accordingly. When my physical-touch-friend’s father died, I gave her a gift certificate for a therapeutic massage. My gifts-friend got a big bouquet of wildflowers (after the funeral bouquets had died.) When my Dad passed away in 2011, my friend Karen knew my primary love language is quality time, so she planned a “Pamper Lynn Day’ with manicures, browsing antique shops, eating Thai food and talking about parents. It was such an emotionally refreshing day, we created “Pamper Lynn AND Karen Day” and recently celebrated our 12th annual!
  3. A great memory I have of him/her is _______________________.
    Image courtesy Sandy Millar at Unsplash

    Photo by Sandy Millar on Unsplash

    Mourners want to talk about their loved one and hear others speak of ways that person touched their life. I often wait a few weeks to send a sympathy card so I have plenty of time to write a meaningful note of memories. (And also because grievers are inundated with “sympathy” immediately after the death. Then everyone’s life goes back to normal, but the griever’s never will.) Don’t be afraid to say the deceased person’s name.Yes, it may bring tears to their eyes, but their fear a loved one will be forgotten is even sadder.

  4. Is there an especially difficult time of the day/week when I could pray for you?
    When I asked members of my Grief Prayer Support Group this question concerning the hardest time of day, their responses varied. Many said they dreaded too-quiet evenings without their spouse. Some hated mornings with no child to wake up for school. Still others trudged through Sunday afternoons because that was then they always visited their parent. Discover your grieving friend’s difficult time and promise to pray for them at that time—you could even text to let them know you’re praying, or send a short prayer to them.
  5. If you would like to attend a grief support group, I’ll go with you.
    It’s hard to walk into a roomful of grievers, but so much easier with a friend by your side. Many churches hold 13-week Grief Share programs (www.griefshare.org). Stephen Ministries, funeral homes and hospice organizations often offer bereavement support. I’ve compiled a list of grief care organizations and resources in the back of my book When God & Grief Meet http ://lynneib.com/index.php/my-books/#anchor5.
  6. I care…and I’m here.
    Your presence speaks much louder than your words. If at all possible, be present physically. Otherwise, “show up” in phone calls, texts, cards or whatever means you have for connecting. You can be the kind of friend Aaron and Hur were for Moses in Exodus 17.  Moses held high the staff of God for Joshua and the Israelite army because whenever he lowered it, the enemy prevailed. But “Moses’ arms became so tired, he could no longer hold them up. So Aaron and Hur found a stone for him to sit on. Then they stood on each side of Moses, holding up his hands.”

Grieving is exhausting work. Ask God to help you find a sitting “stone” for your mourning friend and then show you how to hold up his/her weary arms.

For the LORD comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones. Isaiah 49:3

LifeHopeandTruth.com

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I hope you are blessed by the music video “Cry Out to Jesus” by Third Day.